About five years ago I found out my husband was cheating on me he swore it would never happen again. It did two years later. When I found out again I didn't want him back but after he swore it wouldn't happen again and he changed careers so he was home everynight instead of out of town I said ok. He says I am always checking up on him and I say yeah cuz you always lie. He doesn't want me to have access to his email or cellphone. He comes home everynight but I still don't trust him. Does the hurt every go away and can I ever learn to trust him?
2007-11-04 10:02:09 · 22 answers · asked by Lilly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't trust after something like this. He told you the first time that it would never happen and it happened again. Seriously, what are you sticking around for? Here is a man who can't keep it in his marriage. So he switched careers, comes home every night, but he doesn't want you to have access to his email account or his cell phone. This is the man that broke his vows and refuses you access to these things...why can't you? If he has nothing to hide, then you should be able to look his email and his cell phone. This is a man who should be trying to win your trust back, not keep things for you. And the hurt will never go away. This man betrayed you in the worst way possible. The man that was suppose to be there till death do you part. And he messed that up. If you think that you can live with this man and his trespasses for the rest of your LIFE, then stay married to him and grow old with him but I think that you deserve so much better then that and I don't even know you. You deserve the world, and a man who will always be true to you and love you and not be out there chasing the other woman. You deserve someone to cherish you, adore you, respect you, and treat you like the love of his LIFE. Treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
2007-11-04 10:36:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it will take time lots of time, but if you are willing to take the time you might be able to regain some trust. I'm not saying one day you will wake up and completely trust him again because that will never happen. Even after your trust is somewhat back you will fine yourself questioning things that happen. Its hard the hurt will always be there to remind you. The only way this will work is if your willing to put out there and try. I'm not saying this is what you should do, but if you want to stay with him (its your decision if you wanted to leave its understandable) the hurt will always be there even if at times you feel its gone. Something will remind you.
To answer you the hurt will never completely leave and the trust will never completely return. If you can work through this then your marriage will be saved as long as your husband can keep it in his pants that is. You need to decided if your willing to put yourself out there for him again. Your a very strong woman he has cheated twice and you've forgave him, but if you can't move forward then its time to move on. I know I wouldn't be able to move forward but like I said that is a decision only you can make. Good Luck with everything.
2007-11-04 10:17:10 · answer #2 · answered by blueeyd_princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband cheats on me too, but never admits it. There's always an excuse. The person is either a lesbian or just a friend he is trying to help out. The hurt never goes away but you learn to push it behind you for the sake of your kids or marriage if that's the route you choose. There are good days and bad days, and i constantly imagine my life with someone else.I chose to remain for now for the sake of our young kids and other circumstances. I know i can never trust him and don't see us spending the rest of our lives together. i deserve better and so do you. If he is showing you that he's changed and isn't secretive about anything, then you need to give him a chance. Good luck.
2007-11-04 10:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by belle k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you for sure,... I am in the same situation right now. I also needed help. After reading through, i just have a feeling that you should still trust him only if he will promise not to hide things from you anymore. Goodluck!!!
2007-11-04 20:57:19 · answer #4 · answered by mavic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hurt lessens. You can only trust him, if he is trustworthy. He must be accountable for everything he does. Secrets means something is wrong. He must give you access to his cell phone and email. If he doesn't want to, then kick him to the curb because he is still cheating.
2007-11-04 10:12:39 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He should want to make sure you trust him by him being consistant with everything he does and not minding at all of you checking up on him. I however would not be able to trust him esp. after he has cheated more than once and would be questioning myself for staying with him.
2007-11-04 10:30:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always say, once a cheat alway a cheat, once a lier always a lier. you can go on line and check his cell phone calls, I don't have a clue how to do it, but it can be done, if he's still calling other women, the move on, he'll never change, you ought to get the clue, if he dosen't want you on his cell, that would do it for me
2007-11-04 10:15:17 · answer #7 · answered by poopsie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust has to be earned! I don't think you will ever really trust him again no matter what he says or does.I would say that your relationship is doomed to fail because of the lack of trust.Sorry, just being honest!
2007-11-08 10:14:22 · answer #8 · answered by bevalou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is over and has been over since the first affair...this is called beating a dead horse. You will NEVER be able to trust him and you shouldn't; once a cheater, always a cheater which he has already proven by the second affair.
2007-11-04 10:17:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should WANT to PROVE to you that you can trust him...I think the hurt won't go away unless you trust him completely again. It's so hard not to be paraniod though, but he should show you he wants you to really trust him.
2007-11-04 10:07:49 · answer #10 · answered by Lane_Lane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋