Should I Leave My Husband?

Question

I have been married for 5 yrs Im 22 yrs old & married when i was 17. It was an arranged marriage & my husband is 22 yrs older then me & Im so unhappy. My husband is not violent towards me in any way & my parents told me to marry him as he had a good buisness running a shop & would be able to keep me in confort he was also a friend of my fathers. But he was 39 when we married & I was only 17 & a virgin. I did not mind giving him my virginity on our wedding night I was his wife & like my mother told me it was my duty to keep him happy in the bedroom. But now 5 yrs on nothing has changed he still want sexsual intercourse 2 to 3 times a day he has forbidden me to wear underwear & he closes his shop (i work there as well) so he can have sex with me. If my parents stay over at our home he deliberately has sex with me in a very loud manner & grunts really loud. now he wants me to sleep with his brother I have already done this for him before only this time he wants to join in What should i do

It is my believe and culture to do as your husband tells you, We believe our men our to be obeyed if I leave i will have no family to turn to. What am I to do

Answer 1

You don't need a family like yours. Go to a women's refuge you obviously have asses to the net look them up you should be able to find the nearest one to your area,

I'm married my husband would never demand sex from me he treats me as an equal because he is normal

Answer 2

This man is your father's friend? This is the husband your father chose for you? Most patriarchal cultures insist on men exercising their power over women with love, respect and restraint, and in such cultures the worth of a man is, to a large extent, measured by how he treats those with less power than he. I know of no culture where it is considered OK to abuse a woman like this - but there are wife abusers in every culture. This is nothing to do with culture and everything to do with your husband's lack of consideration, morals, and respect for you as a human being. You are a person of great value and should not be demeaned like this. You have a skill - shop work - and can get a job and support yourself elsewhere. Your life has barely begun. Make something of it. Don't let this dirty old man squander your youth and promise. Good luck.

Answer 3

I respect your culture. But this particular 'practice' ruins your life and makes you feel unhappy. That's what matters.

Seek help from the local authority or charity group. Talk to your friends to find out more. They are able to help you break away from him. A loving husband would NEVER ask his wife to bed with other men. He is a monster, sorry.

He treats you like a 'goods' to be used or sold or done with. Britain is a place where you will be protected. There are women's protection groups. Seek help now.

I respect marriage whether arranged or by your own will. The only thing is, both parties in the marriage have to respect each other.

DO NOT obey.

Answer 4

All right I am not going to judge you -it's your culture and you are being a respectful daughter.
Your family and mostly -father thought you would be compatible.
Now would your father approve of your Husbands request.
You seem more like an object to your husband rather then a wife.
My concern is do you have a choice to leave your spouse , with out a threat of punishment ?
Also is it tradition to have sex outside of your marriage like with his brother?
I'm sure this is truly not what your Parents wanted for you.
The reason for arranged marriages is to ensure happiness, productivity, and a healthy family life, than simply marrying for love and attraction.

I pray that divorce is an option in your community.
You were so young and tied to your traditions.
You are being robbed from a life of freedom and independence, and that it has no place in modern society.

Answer 5

Don't they also in your culture have honour killings?

I'd think VERY carefully before leaving.

If you leave you are going to have to turn your back on your culture and your family. You will need to seek shelter in a womens refuge and basically disappear.

The fact of the matter is that if you stay you are going to be desperately unhappy. If you go you could potentially be in danger.

Is there anyone outside of the family, but within your community who you can talk to?

There's something about your question that doesn't 'feel' right from the perspective of what I know about your culture. My understanding of your culture is that women are held in high regard and that if your community found out you were being abused your husband would be dealt with.

Answer 6

He is not your husband in any way. the way you say it you are living your mothers dream. You are just a tool in the hands of both your mother and the guy, they use you as they please whenever they want. i undastand your beliefs and all that but there is no marriage without love and respect. He doesnt respect you in any way, i know men are supposed to heads of families and that doesnt mean they have to rule over women. Being a head does not mean you are king, it only means that you have a responsibility over your family. Its a shame that your mother would do such thing to you, now i know what it means that every woman can have a child but its not every woman who has a child that is capable of being a mother. all i can say is leave the guy, He doesnt deserve you at all, he is proud and to him you are nothing but a material posession. You deserve much better, you have to be respected, loved and cherished because there is no one on earth like you. you are unique in you own way and that makes you special. your life isnt all ruined, you still have the second half to be who you want to be, as for your mother im sorry to say this but she has failed you no matter what. rather than putting herself on the line for you she puts you. in all plis, leave the guy.. i wont ever call him your husband and you shouldnt either because he is not, all you had was a wedding not marriage. he is disgusting!!

Answer 7

You have to leave. I know it will be difficult, scarey even but you have to.
Find a womans refuge - they will take you in until you get your own place etc. You don't need your family.
You are your own person & no one has the right to control you.
I understand the culture you have been brought up with but it's just not right. You do NOT need to "obey" anyone, you are your own person.
If you are married in the UK (or USA, I dont know about other countries) then you will get half of what he owns money-wise which you will need to start your new life.
He doesn't respect you & he is mentally & physically abusing you & you need to get out now.
It will be difficult but you just have to do it - you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. NO ONE deserves to live the live your living, it must be awful for you.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

everybody has different views but u didnt marry this man 2 b treated like a sex slave and for him 2 ask u 2 sleep with his brother is just wrong and u should just say no i think he is wrong in asking u 2 do that and i think u should tell him u dont want 2 and that if he keeps on asking u that u will leave him

good luck with whatever u decide

Answer 9

Someone mentioned what are called 'Honour killings' but there are people and programmes within your own culture that will support you if you leave. It is true you may have to 'disappear' but would that be worse than what you are going through now? From a completely different culture - my heart goes out to you.

Answer 10

Have you discussed this with your family. If your husband is a friend of your father, then maybe you could have your father talk to him. This is about how a man should love his wife and show respect for her. Doesn't your culture believe that a husband should show respect for his wife?