Can any of you help me edit my essay? I really want to win this contest?

Question

Please help! I really want to make this perfect!

Usually when the term veteran comes to mind, you picture an elderly person who fought in a war that you are forced to read about in a history class. I must say though, that the people who think that way are incorrect. Veterans are a living, breathing part of history.
Some of them have fought in battles synonymous with American history, such as Iwo Jima, Normandy, and D-Day. Others have dropped bombs on the Viet Cong, or have liberated concentration camps. Few might have even seen some of the most notorious generals of the century, like Hitler or Stalin.
Even if you didn’t take part in a history making battle, you still did something to help America achieve a victory. Every veteran is special because of that. That is why veterans are so important to our country.

2nd paragraph:

This summer, I had the privilege of traveling to Washington D.C. with my family. I walked along the long granite Vietnam Wall. I saw the golden stars at the World War II Memorial, each representing a hundred soldiers killed in action. I witnessed the solemn ceremony of the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I have seen the gravesites of some of the greatest leaders who ever lived. Visiting Washington D.C. put one thing into perspective. History isn’t just made for a textbook. There are actual people who were there, and have numbers of stories to share about their experiences. These will help us appreciate our past and pass down the stories to future generations.
So, to all of you veterans; I thank you. I appreciate everything you have done for our country and for me personally. Everyone is a hero in one way shape or form, and you should all be treated as such.
To everyone else, I challenge you to talk to a veteran today.

The rest of the paper I couldn't fit in the last add details:

To everyone else, I challenge you to talk to a veteran today. Ask them about their time in the service, or what it was like during a specific time period. Maybe you will even learn the most important history lesson of all: That history is alive. You can’t possibly learn it all from a book.

The rest of the paper I couldn't fit in the last add details:

To everyone else, I challenge you to talk to a veteran today. Ask them about their time in the service, or what it was like during a specific time period. Maybe you will even learn the most important history lesson of all: That history is alive. You can’t possibly learn it all from a book.

Answer 1

To many younger Americans, a "veteran" is most often an elderly or deceased person who fought in a war being discussed in history class. This is incorrect. Veterans are a living, breathing part of our nation's history.

Some of them have fought in battles synonymous with American bravery in World War II, such as Iwo Jima, Normandy, and D-Day. Other American vets fought the Viet Cong, or liberated concentration camps. Some may have even seen some of the most notorious leaders of the last century, including Hitler or Stalin.

Veterans who did not take part in a history-making battle did something to help America achieve a victory. Every veteran is special because of that. That is why veterans are so important to our country.

This summer, I had the privilege of traveling to Washington D.C. with my family. I walked along the long granite Vietnam Wall. I saw the golden stars at the World War II Memorial, each representing a hundred soldiers killed in action. I witnessed the solemn ceremony of the changing of the guards at the Tomb of the Unknowns. I have seen the gravesites of some of the greatest leaders who ever lived. Visiting Washington D.C. put one thing into perspective. History isn’t just made for a textbook.

(This next paragraph you have is very confusing, and you need to clarify what it is exactly you are talking about. "There are actual people who were there" what does that mean? and what are you referring to? Do you mean at the battles referenced previously, or at the memorials in Washington?)

There are actual people who were there, and have numbers of stories to share about their experiences. These will help us appreciate our past and pass down the stories to future generations.

So, to all of you veterans; I thank you. I appreciate everything you have done for our country and for me personally. Everyone is a hero in one way shape or form, and you should all be treated as such.

To everyone else, I challenge you to talk to a veteran today. Ask him or her about their time in the service, or what it was like during a specific time period. Maybe you will even learn the most important history lesson of all: That history is alive. You can’t possibly learn it all from a book.

Answer 2

All in all, very well done. The only thing I'd change is the first sentence. Drop the "usually" and put quotes around the word veteran. Kept my attention all the way through.

Answer 3

you shold initiate with describing the putting how human beings died provide the reader a place to think of case in point if the essay became on george washington you coud initiate it like here: it became 1754. it became the french indian conflict. there have been weapons taking photos bullets and canons flying around the skky. peolpe getting killed. purple coats marched alongside the floor...................... somnething like that yet with regards to the subject remember you're writing on solid luck wish you win