How do I or should I save my marriage?

Question

I've been married to my husband for less than six months, we've been together as a couple for over three years. I have a child with him, as well as a child from a previous relationship. He's been a father to both of my kids, so not complaining there. But lately I've come to realize that the only reason we've done so well as a couple is because when ever we disagree, I give into his side, because once he decides something, that's it. Or whenever I stand my ground, he does what he intended anyway. I try to talk things out with him, but we never come to a decision or compromise.... I'm becoming very unhappy and frustrated, and now he's quit his job with no money in the bank and is attempting to start his own business, this with two kids, a mortgage, and huge monthly bills! He tells me that if it bothers me so much, i can go get a night job to make ends meet!! I've tried everything with the guy, IS THIS EVEN WORTH TRYING TO WORK OUT??

to answer those who asked if i work right now, the answer is yes... i am a full time house keeper who frequently works overtime AND i am a full time child-caregiver on call 24 hours a day - in short, i am a mom... my kids are 3 and a half and 1 an a half, still extremely high maintenance and a hell of a lot of work... i'm up

maybe my intial question wasn't detailed enough... I don't pretend to agree and then secretly harbor a grodge, we argue about what we are going to do for days, weeks even, and I offer compromise after compromise, but he refuses to budge from what he initially decides. Once his mind is made up, that's it. So I always end up being the one who has to suck it up and just deal with what is happening, whether I like it or not. I feel as though I am being dragged into stuff all the time against my will, and I tell him this too. When I bring up how I feel about any of it, he gets mad and walks away, or he says, "Everything always works out, just trust me."
As to whether or not I should be supportive of his business, all I asked of him is that he plan it properly and that we have a small financial cushion just in case business didn't pick up right away. He agreed, and then the NEXT DAY quit his job, started doing work for ppl under the table, with no knowledge of the business end of things!!

Answer 1

You've only just begun and haven't tried everything! Might not be a bad idea to get a job until the business takes off. Did he discuss his plans with you? For the sake of your kids you have to do what you can. Tell him that you are feeling unhappy and frustrated with the way things are going right now. See if you can't come up with some solutions together.

Answer 2

We can't stop another adult from doing what they want to do. So, if he quit his job and is starting another business, i guess there's not much you can do right now.

I do believe your husband is selfish and insensitve, however. Just up and quitting a job when you have a family, NO savings and a mortgage is a little bit irresponsible as well.

If you have things you'd like to do and try, then he can't really tell you NO, either. You are an adult person, and should be free to make your own choices. After all, he does it.

If this bothers you, then discuss it... do what you can before yo give up.

I hope it works out. take care, ok?

Answer 3

Do you work now or would the night job be your only job? Honestly, I see very little to warrant such drastic action on your part unless it's a combination of outrage at the prospect of working, which gave release to the pent up emotions you've had regarding giving in to him. If you have done so, that was your mistake and one of the main reasons marriages go by the wayside is lack of communication; how do you expect him to know what you think and feel unless you tell him at the time? Instead, you've been harboring these feelings, which turned into grudges, and now he wants to start his own business and instead of being supportive, you want to leave because he he suggested you get a job? It sounds to me that you are being rather selfish; I see no mention of you working now so I assume he has been supporting you and both children, one not his, and that you have no complaints on that score.
Now that he has found a business and wants to start it you oppose him based mainly on the fact that he even suggested you find a job. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me; you should certainly be working and not expect him to support you all and the house, etc. Of course, if you are working and he suggested the night job there are jobs you can do from home online, so you might want to consider that. He is aware, obviously, of the bills and the mortgage, etc and has faith in himself and his ability to make a success of it; you need to have faith too and be supportive, and, as he suggested, if you're worried, then by all means, get a first or second job if you have a day job. Get one online; they're out there and then you wouldn't have to worry but you really should calm down and not think about divorce over something so easily remedied. In future, too, talk to him until you're both satisfied with the outcome instead of pretending to give in to him but secretly harboring your grudges; that is childish and immature and also dishonest. Stop the feelings right at the start so they don't fester and make you so angry inside you erupt when something comes along you oppose.

Answer 4

Marriage is a partnership, each working together to make the relationship. But it sounds like for him it's "My way or the highway.". Try to save it by working through it first. You need to talk to him about how you are feeling. If things don't change, then you will become more frustrated and unhappy and angry too. You may be better off without him then. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and see what is happening.

Answer 5

First of all, congratulations on being a mom. I know it's hard work. The way I see it, we all go through life and evolve differently. No one can blame you for wanting the respect and power that you deserve. What you think matters and it's important that he gets that. You can't go through life being shut out like that because eventually, it will make you a very sad person emotionally. I'm always a big advocate for "work it out" but he should not be telling you to get a night job. You deserve better but make sure you handle it well so that your kids aren't deeply affected. Try to find a way to talk to him so that he will listen. If not, you can't waste your time with someone who doesn't include you in important decisions. Good luck! You will be okay no matter what.

Answer 6

Most men like to always think they're right and no matter what opinion u give .. they'll still do what they have in mind
try to find ways to convinvce ur husband with ur point of u .. he might show u that he disagrees but at the end he does what u told him (just like a stubborn kid.. many men are like that)

Do u have a job ? or ur own money income ? if u dont then u should ! be independent when it comes to money and earn ur own and whatever he decides to do .. just sit and watch .. he might succeed and might not .. at least it wont be ur fault cuz he listened to only himself

U can still save ur marriage .. u need to be more independent of ur husband when it comes to money

GooD LucK ^__^

Answer 7

It sounds like he doesn't respect your opinion. I would also question whether h loves you the way you deserve to be loved. He is also making a dangerous gamble with your finances and home, especially since you have two children. He won't change either way. So you have to ask yourself if you can live with never making any choices. If the answer is no, then leave. You don't want this guy financially dragging you down with him.

Answer 8

a no working man is not worth being with and he should not have stopped working that is just insane....divorce him fast....
my ex was the same way and i stayed for like 3 1/2 years and lived in a dump you wont miss him so leave the looser.

Answer 9

sounds like a control freak, and believe me i know one when i see one! my husband constantly makes the wrong choices for us when it comes to money. he says he's the man of the house and what he says goes! well he's gonna be in for a good surprise cuz i'm planning on leaving him real soon!