I feel left out because i cant afford the things my friends have...?

Question

I dont know. It's just they all have money to spend on certain things and then at school they go and talk about it. And i'm sitting there with nothing and yes i do feel like they are wasting money on stupid things yet i still feel jealous. My mom is a single mom and i do understand the reasons she cant afford things. But its so hard because i feel so alone and poor. I get irritated when someone says to me why dont you just go buy a new one or when someone doesnt understand why i get so upset if i lose something my family considers expensive. Sometimes i cry over it because i have to work so hard yet my friends dont. I'll say i cant come over on the weekend because i have laundry or chores to do and they will respond "You do your laundry? Why doesnt your mom do it?" I just get so pissed. My mom is working. Who esle is going to do it?

blah. i just.. i dont know.. sometimes it comes to a point where i cant take it. And its not like i can make new friends. Everyone is like that.

Answer 1

huney its ok to feel sad and mad! i understand what you are going through Ive been there and Ive lost a lot of friends because of it




watch the movie friends with money it helped me

Answer 2

And the thing is compared with the rest of the world you are not poor - only in North America! Don't let it get under your skin so much. When your friends ask just say - well that is fine for you but there is no way my family could afford that and you know what, I don't need it anyway. Peer pressure is such a hard thing to go through. Just remember that in the future you will make your own money and be able to spend it as you like - it is not always better to have everything given to you on a plate. Get your chores done early on the weekends - doesn't have to take all day

Answer 3

One of the things that society is based on is the idea of
people having a "common frame of reference"

Which means that when you and the people you interact with
share similar experiences, that you are able to relate to one another better. That's why there is often a barrier to people from different cultures having meaingful friendships with one another. When you are used to people around you understanding a lot of what you say without explanation because they have had the same experience, it can feel like a lot of work to explain even the simplest things to someone because they don't share those experiences.

And now the point...when your friends have more than you do, it's natural to feel out of sync because they can all do as they please where money is concerned. "Let's all go out to eat"
they might say. You're the only one thinking " I can't afford that"
It puts you at odds with the group. And that feels like you are
handicapped in some way. You feel like they are free-r than you are. You feel left out.

But here's the thing, when people have nothing to hold them back they don't develop the skills that come with overcoming obstacles.

If you try to keep up with them then you'll always be working at a disadvantage. It sounds like their money comes with no effort. If you got a job (which is a thought) then you would have more money to do the things they do, but they would always have more and you would be trying to meet some standard
set by how they live rather than finding a standard of your own.

Do you really want all the things they have or just some of them? You want an ipod (for example) then get a job, save the money and buy one. But if they all have video Ipods where you only have one that plays music, don't feel like you suck because you dont have a top of the line Ipod like theirs, don't let yourself want something just because they have one.

Want it because YOU want it. Most people buy stuff just to keep up with everyone else. Don't be one of those. Know what you want out of life. More than just stuff...know what you want to achieve.

The advantage of making your own money is that while they may be able to have anything they want, you have the means to get it yourself without asking anyone for it. And when you get out into the world you won't have to call Mommy and Daddy because you want a dress or whatever. You get what you want. No one gives it to you. And believe me, that can be profoundly satisfying.

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel. My friends all have designer clothes, and my family just can't afford them. I had a talk about this with my mom. She told me she was doing the best she could and I know that. So I decided to get a job, even though I have a ton of chores at home. I know it's probably not the response you were hoping for, but that is all I can give you. Just try to keep going and not get too upset about it. You sound like a strong girl. :)

Answer 5

I know how you feel, I felt that way for a long time. It is hard, very hard. I agree, I don't now why they can't understand, but they don't and probably never will. You just have to think, you're mom is probably overjoyed that you do laundry, if she doesn't say anything. In th end, you'll get a lot of life experience out of it and they'll get out in the real world and they'll have no idea what dryer sheets are. They just get whatever they want because they are spoiled. They expect it so the have to get it. At least you work for your things. :) You can be whoever you want to be, but I got so fed up, I'm my own person in my own clique. It's so fun! It can be so hard, but at least you know that you are doing better. If you EVER want to talk to me, don't hesitate!

Answer 6

Hun, that sounds like my childhood, and now as an adult with my own kids, I appriciate it more than I can express. I appriciate things more, I respect things more and I am not spoiled. there is much honor in helping your mom with things around the house, she appriciates it more than you will hopefully have to know, also it is a reality of life, these chores and your friends will get out there on their own and not have a clue how to take care of themselves. Wealth isn't a brand of clothing, or keeping up with your friends financially, it is the love in your home. You may think that this makes them better, but trust me, you are the better and you are the one learning the value and things in your life that will help you in your future. You mom is probubly very proud of you and wishes she could get you all the things you want, as a parent it hurts to not beable to keep up with what the other kids have, but at the end of the day, all that is material, and those kids aren't learning value and what really does matter. What atters is who you are, and if your friends can't understand and respect that you can't go out and WASTE money like it means nothing, then already they are spoiled.

Answer 7

Getting everything you want, especially as a kid, is a way to grow up very shallow. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you will learn from this, and learn to appreciate what you have later in life (and hopefully appreciate that your husband works hard for his money) and will also not spend money you don't have (such as credit cards, and buying on store credit, which will RUIN YOUR LIFE if you give it a chance).
You will be a better person in the long run. Have faith and don't give up. Concentrate on your studies and get a good job and later on you can make great money and they will all be broke and declaring bankruptcy! ha ha!!!
(PS: I'm reading the answers and many are very good. Print this whole thing out and read it now and then to encourage you!)

Answer 8

I too was a single mother and my daughters thought it was so horrible that I had no money and I made their clothes to wear to school. I did what I could and looking back on it now I see my oldest daughter is a real penny pincher and my younger daughter while she has very little is so happy with her life she finds the beauty in the simple things and she makes her young son go through his toys and give them to the homeless shelter at Christmas and she makes him pick a child his own age off the Angel Tree every year and use his own money to purchase a gift for the child.
Your friends are going to grow up and be hit with the real responsibilities in life. They are going to have to work and keep their own house clean and pay their own way in this world. Be proud of who you are and learn as much as you can from your mother and let her know how very proud of her you are. Hers is a thankless job.
Peer pressure is hard do not let those spoiled children get you down. Hold your head up high and know that when they are struggling down the road you will know how to carry on by yourself and they may be coming to you for advice.

Answer 9

Hey Honey Bunch - It sucks right now - and will for awhile longer. But I can honestly tell you that you will be better for it in the long run.

One day, when you're all older and these friends are nearly drowning in debt because they haven't figured out how to live within their means without the help of mom and dad, you'll be putting money in the bank and NOT sweating the mortgage because you've already learned those lessons.

My mom was a single mom too and my dad helped zero with anything related to money. I learned to be a great cook - because if we wanted to eat dinner, someone had to cook while mom was at work. I learned how to install light fixtures, repair drywall, can vegetables and make jelly - all out of necessity rather than interest.

I had a lot of friends who were better off financially than me. Guess what? They all wanted to hang out at My house with My mom because she was 'real'. And she taught us all how to change the oil in our car and how to rotate our tires :) - a lot of guys from school liked to come over for those lessons, which was kind of a side benefit.

The biggest lessons I learned, which sure have come in handy:
not to be a whiner and not to expect the world to owe me a living or anything else

Sounds like your friends don't appreciate your skills right now - try not to take that to heart. You should be super proud of yourself. You sound extremely mature and capable - I know if you were my daughter I would be proud and impressed and all MY friends would be envious. I'm sure your mom feels that way :)

chin up

Answer 10

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Your friends just don't realize what you are going through! I think you should explain to them your circumstances a little better so they understand how you are struggling! Growing up poor will teach you way more than what the girls learn by having their parents buy them everything! So, in the long run, you will be the one who truly appreciates every thing you earn in the future! Life is more about being a good person who is loving, forgiving, understanding, patient, thankful, etc. than about wordly treasures! The Bible says, "Where you treasure is, there is your heart also!" Just remember that no one will be taking their new clothes, ipod, cell phone, etc. to heaven! Just focus on being a good person and don't let all that bother you!

Answer 11

I know that it's hard sometimes, but you probably have a relationship with your mother that is better than any of the "things" that they will ever have. They don't seem like very good friends. It's almost like they are purposely trying to make you feel bad. It probably doesn't matter what you have. If these people want to make you feel bad, they would find a way to do it wether you have nice things or not. Some people are just like that. Usually, it's because they are insecure and putting other people down makes them feel better about themselves.