Why does it have to be this hard? I just want to move on.....?

Question

I am going to be 20 years old this month & its so hard to believe how fast time went by. I now have a beautiful, healthy baby that is 9 months old...but one thing is missing. His father. He left us while I was pregnant then came back again when our son was 2 months old, and left again around 6 months old. He stopped paying child support, totally cut me & Payton (our son) off & even though the smart thing to do would be to just let go, I cant. I still love him just as much as i did when we were together. He told everyone it wasnt his kid when he left me when i was pregnant, which he knew could be true & then we he left the second time he said i cheated on him...he always makes me believe this stuff bc i always feel like its my fault even though i know i never cheated or gave him a reason to say this stuff. as of the 22nd of last month he left fot the army, before he left we had a hearing, and i had asked him if he planned on seeing payton before he left, he never did. why cant i let go

i meant to say he knew it couldnt be true that it want his child bc he was all that i did, lived and breathed...we did a dna test just to put it at rest too, and of course payton was his child. it seems like he only uses this excuse of payton not being his when he doesnt want to be with me anymore. im not a bad person. no drugs, no partying...im a hard working mom who loves just spending time with family and especially my son...is it because i grew up too fast and expected him to? but he wanted this baby too...we tried to have him...it wasnt an accident...whyd he have to leave again?

Answer 1

We have all been in a situation where we loved a man and couldn't let go, yours, though is more extreme but I must say you sound like a responsible young lady and you should keep moving ahead that way. He obviously made his own decisions already - without you! So now it is time to move on, I know it is hard but you gotta know that in due time it'll all get better. Time heals everything. Trust me! I kept going back to a man that mistreated me and mistreated me, time after time and finally one day I got fed up and left him - so see...in due time it all straightens itself out. I hope I helped.

Answer 2

This sounds awful, and I'm sorry. I would love it if you guys were able to be a happy family (that would be the best) BUT this man has been a jerk and a b*st*rd, you need to let go and get away. What will you do if he decides to stay until Payton is 4, then leaves? How will you explain to Payton? Get away from this person. Join a single moms group. Something. Find a nice way to meet new guys (go to a park or something with Payton (he will like it even if you don't find a guy!)
Good Luck!

Answer 3

This is why I say to wait until the "I do's are said"BEFORE making babies.Sex without marriage is like buying land with no deed but a promise of "maybe you will get one once you have paid for it".
The best thing you can do is move back in with your parents and make sure he pays child support.Carry a laminated copy of the DNA test to show to friends, post it public places.
People will see what a liar he is.
Another thing , ask yourself why you "love" a punk that treats you like a total whore, says you cheated on him and made a baby with another guy, wont pay child support for his OWN SON, and isnt woth the cost of a bullet to put in his head to make society a better place.
He is the reason tax payers are shelling out for kids with no dad's and many mothers who do NOT work.
Learn from your mistake and do NOT repeat it.Make sure youre married befoe having sex again young lady.

Answer 4

Call the local army recruiter.. the jerk owes you child support and the army will make sure you get it monthly .. like clock work!
Even if you want to move on he is the father of that child and ,and that way you aren't at least going to be out the cash.
Once you have a way of supporting the child you will be able to let go and find someone decent to raise and be a father to the child.

Answer 5

IF you can prove he is the father then go to teh court and get a child suppport order and send it to the army and they will forc ehim to set up an automatic paymetn from his check, he will get extra money for having a child.

ONce it starts this is something that he cannot stop.

If he is the father then he should be a man and pay support fo rhis child and you should allow him reasonable visitation rights,

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

I don't mean to be mean but you need to move on especially for your child!!!! obviously he dosent care about the baby because if he did he'd be there no matter what even if it's calling everyday writing or asking for pic of the baby you honestly need to find hobbies to do with your baby remember his dad is always walking out on him he's gonna hate u for keeping that father figure around as for you your young and there's better things in the world then worry about a dead beat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know plenty of girls young like you living in New York independent n single and their baby dads did the same but the difference is they didn't put up with it and kept moving how could you love someone that treat ur baby this way? especially if he's the dad!!!!!!!! I really know you deserve better especially ur baby

Answer 7

You and your son deserve so much better than this guy. You both deserve to have a man in your life that is not going to come and go as he pleases. He ovisously doesn't care about either one of you and I know that is hard to hear, but look at his actions. Anyone can say what they know you want them to say but if the actions don't confirm the words then they are only words. You need to move on if you can't do it for yourself you need to do it for your son. He deserves so much better.. Take care.

Answer 8

He is not in the right state of his life to be thinking in a responsible state. Not to make excusses but you both are way to young to be having kids. All you can do now is move on with your child file for child support and hope one day he realizes what he is missing.

Answer 9

I'm sorry your going through this it sounds tough!!!! You need to be strong for you and your son. I think time does heal all wounds and you do need to move on . It sounds like he has. I don't think you can push him out of your life totally because Payton needs to know his father.

Answer 10

Your ex sounds like an irresponsible, lying, cheap, SOB. You say you love him. Why don't you think you AND you son deserve a kind, loving man who WANTS to be there?
Recognize the amount of pain this man has caused you. Do you want your son to learn how to be a man, from his example? Do you want him to treat women the way your ex treats you? Don't you want you son to learn about love?
Think about it. You are not only jeopardizing your future if you wait for this guy, your jeopardizing your son's.