How Do I Overcome My (Spiritual Q)?

Question

hate for men?
Not to go in details here--had abusive father, and nearly raped by a date I just met. No good male role models in life. I know it's no excuse, but how do I overcome this hate for men. I trust in God and know He can help me.

I've already went to counseling and wrote a journal, but it hasn't helped much.
Anyone out there who is in similar situation or suggestions needed.

SORRY MEN. No offense here.

Answer 1

ya just have to keep trying, there are great people out there try to be open honest keep seeing someone and keep writing you will find someone great it just wont be and easy road.

Answer 2

It's a tough one, and I have also been down that road - raped, tortured & beaten by my father from the ages of 8 to 18, raped by an uncle at 13, molested by my priest. I still have the medical report from one of the rapes when I was 10, and it was brutal. My father also had a lot of girlfriends behind my mom's back, a real bastard and lothario.

The only saving grace for me was my grandfather, who was a good man, even though I didn't see him often. Since I was the oldest of 9 kids, I had no older siblings to look up to & felt alone. The terrible thing about growing up this way - in addition to the self-esteem issues - is that I thought that most men were like my father in one way or another.

But I wanted love, and I still wanted to trust. I always took a long time to get to know a guy, and unfortunately, I had a lot of trouble trusting any man. I had to get into therapy to finally work through that, and not to punish other men, just on account of what I grew up with.

My first marriage suffered because even though he was a good, faithful man, I thought for sure that he would cheat on me sooner or later. He never did, which I had to look back on and take into consideration when I was in therapy.

You might want to find another therapist about this - it CAN be worked through....but it won't happen overnight. Good luck!

Answer 3

You certainly have reason for feeling how you feel about the male betrayals in your life. It seems like you are making a conscience effort to overcome these feelings. However, you may need to feel this way for awhile because it seems that you need to protect yourself and your hatred toward men is a defense mechanism that can help you if you are able to harness that feeling. I'm not saying that hatred is the correct response to all men, but I think that you need to tune into why you have taken your bad experiences and turned them into a general, instead of specific anger, toward those who have hurt you. If you can't choose good males to be in your life, then these feelings are your body's way of protecting you!

I think that dealing with your feelings toward your abusive father and the date rape person would be so helpful for you. You have every right in the world to be angry with those people, but until you deal with those specific feelings, it will be hard to trust any male figure in your life. It is also possible that because you haven't had any good male role models that you, at this point, aren't capable of choosing a good male to be in your life. That is nothing to be ashamed of if that is the case. What it means is that you need to find a trusted friend to hang out with and introduce you to a good male role model who can earn your trust in a non-romantic way. Whether this be her brother, father or friend, it may help you learn that not all men are bad and you may even learn to trust them one day.

You have been hurt immensely and unfairly, so be gentle with yourself in the time it takes to heal such deep wounds. You shouldn't have to deny your feelings or rush them to be something they're not. I'm sure you will come out on the other end just fine....

Answer 4

If you trust in God then He will certainly guide you. I presume due to your writing that you wish for marriage with a man eventually, if you can overcome your evident hatred of men?

This is not about male role models. It really is for you just about meeting the right man, who is gentle, loving, considerate, respectful, and gently persistent. With your faith in God all will eventually fall into place. Just continue to pray, give it time and try to overlook the stereotypes of men ingrained in your consciousness. You will find that when the time is right all will fall into place, if you just have faith and believe that your prayers will be answered.

I know it seems easy to write that, but it really is true. Try to relax and don't worry about it. The more you worry and think about it the more it will impede you. Chill-out and have faith.

Answer 5

Have you tried going to a male counselor? Forming a healthy and trusting relationship with him could help you see that all men aren't bad. You could also ask your friends if they have any guy friends that they truly trust, then perhaps you could hang out with your friends while those guys are with them. Having connections with 'good guys' will probably help you start to move past your hatred. Plus, just keep on praying! Keep on trusting God, and believing that He will help you through this. Just remember that you have to do your part and try to let it go, even though it is difficult. God Bless!

Answer 6

If the counselling hasn't helped, maybe you should see a(nother) psychotherapist and work out some kind of programme that'll help you achieve your goals. I would imagine it's not an uncommon problem, so there's probably some kind of support plan that might help. Just because one way hasn't worked for you, it doesn't mean that another won't be successful.

Answer 7

Don't group all men in to the same category as the ones who have abused you.

Get the book 'Co dependent No More'. It will help you choose better guys.

Answer 8

well u don't really need any male role models and whatever you do don't go and try to find one. im assuming ur a girl here to im just gonna say stick with your girlfriends they'll always be there and then things will hopefully fall into place.

Answer 9

More counselling will help. There are many different methods used in counselling and it sounds like the method followed by your therapist didn't well match your needs.

Find another counsellor and give it another try.

Answer 10

Please dont judge the masses for the actions of a few.You dont need a male role model,you have god.Take it one day at a time.No dates for a while.You need to learn how to judge character first.Socialize without commitment.

Answer 11

i am sorry to hear it .. but alot of girls/ women have this problem in life they develop a hatred of men because of the event taken place in there life..
i see you have taken counsling,
i think all you need is strong will good friends to help you over this and having faith in (jesus)helps aswell. goodluck