Can someone read this and tell me what it is wrong and what i should change?

Question

Distressing images become familiar with the viewers affecting their behaviors. As an example, Sontag mentions the image of cancerous lungs printed on packs of cigarettes used to alert viewers of the consequence of smoking and to inspire smokers to quit if they desire to. However observers have the right to accept or reject the message of illustrations. People adapt to the terrors of real life and those of images. Nevertheless, habituation is a longer process and does not always occur. Eventually, adapted viewers are affected by shocking images and weep because they have become accustomed with the illustration as well as with the ongoing significance of the image in history.

Answer 1

First of all, the last sentence doesn't make sense. Adaptation would suggest specifically that viewers were NOT affected because they would have become habituated or accustomed to them, and are thus numb to the emotional impact of the images. An example of this would be a child playing violent videogames. S/he does not eventually break down and start crying at the images because they are familiar. S/he would not find them shocking and would be less likely to recognize the horrors of what they depict.

Secondly, you have left out a couple of commas - one in the first sentence, after the word "viewers", and the second in the third sentence, after the word "however". In the second sentence, rather than ending the sentence with "desire to", the expression "so desire" would be more correct.

Finally, if you decide to keep the final sentence, the correct idiom is "accustomed to", not "accustomed with".

Answer 2

You can put some commas in there. It makes sense after I read it twice.