should i stop working when we get married??

Question

hi all!
i am non-indian dating a half-indian, half-british hindu. his mom is british and dad is indian so it's a relief that their family is multi-cultural...we talk about getting married in the future but he suggests that i don't have to work because he can provide for me. my only hesitation is "what if our marriage doesn't work?" and i will need a job in the future to provide for my needs?
he said, he wants me to focus on taking care of family (is that really the culture of India?). what i know is that they are a well-to-do family...if i don't have work, will i ask him money or will he give me without asking??

thank you all!!

oh thanks all for all useful advices...i don't know how to reply so i have to add to this detail (is this the right thing?)
i am an average girl , not rich but earning enough. i work as a supervisor for an airline and i'm about to be promoted to manager but i'm also thinking twice about it because it's becoming too stressful.
my boyfriend runs their own family business and is the eldest in the family. we have a long distance relationship and we will be discussing our future plans on christmas when he comes to visit.
we have to decide if we will settle in singapore, india or UK. i think i'd go for singapore but it's to be discussed as well.
i appreciate all your insights guys! love u all!!
im a very independent woman and i can't imagine myself asking for shopping from him or if i need to send my parents some...
do you think i should just suggest that he give me monthly allowance and not ask me how i spend it? or should i just work in his company and get my own salary?

thank you butterfly...
from what he told me, i don't really have to do household chores. they have servants (that was his term), once, i told him i want to drive by myself but he said, i will have to be with a driver...
so im thinking, im not gonna take care of elderly relatives but then he also told me, whatever i want, can be done. except he doesn't want me to compromise time with kids and him. we are both 27 and we're not even doing birth control coz we are just gonna be ready if ever i get pregnant.
i feel that im too young to let go of my career goals but personally i wanna have kids too... but i was thinking that i might just go on maternity leave, in the same way, that his parents might think im not responsible enough for not focusing on family.

Answer 1

no...

Answer 2

Keep on working, and keep your independence. Don't rely on anyone (even your husband) to be the source of all the money you will need. It just seems that even though he may have the best of intentions and truly want to take care of you and provide for everything you need, it will give him the upper hand to be deciding how much money will go for what and when. If you have your own money you will be an equal partner. If you decide to start a family with this man and chooose to stay home with the children, that's great, but until the children come there is no real reason to become a well kept woman. I would listen to your gut on this one. You don't ever want to have to "ask" for money or anything else from your husband. Good luck.

Answer 3

It is a billion dollar ? Your very foundation of marrying is shrouded in doubt. You buy some more time and get to know the boy very well and be 100% sure. My sister was working for a 5 star hotel, she married a frenchmen, the guy is a real gem or diamond, she has now 3 boys out of the wedlock. She quit her job and is busy bringing up kid, and keeping herself busy with keeping her fit, taking care of education, food, and even started doing some part time internet job, after almost 9 years. Well, once your hubby trusts you completely he may let u work after bringing up kids, it is not a big issue. Yes Indian men want women folk @ home for first priority kids, next husband and last parents. Degree varies.

Answer 4

My question is what does he mean by take care of family you better find out now.Does he have elderly relatives he wants you to look after?Will you be exspected to do alot of housework in a large house? Will you be a companion to some of his older relatives and will they be living with you?Talk to him about an allowance .I can see staying at home if you have to help with family that is a full time job its self also cleaning a large house daily is alot of work so if you are to stay home for these reasons I still consider you to be employed the only diffrence is you are his employee.It will be fine if he is kind and if not it could be a nightmare.Best wishes.

Answer 5

If you go into the relationship saying well I want to work just incase we don't work out sends out terrible signals. It is fine to work because you want your own cash and for yourself but JUST because you may divorce? Boy does that say you may already be looking for a way out!

How about this keep working when you are married but when you start thinking about having children take some time off to stay home with baby for a while and see if that life is for you. And if you want to go back to work then do so and if you don't want to then hey you don't have to. And you can always go back once the children were in school. Because once you have that child it can be hard to drop your child off at daycare.

Answer 6

I would keep working. You can work until you guys decide to have kids and since he will be paying most of the bills, you can save and invest the money you make. Even if your job is part-time it would be a good idea to keep it. I stayed home with my children but I alos finished school at the same time. Now I work in the field that I got my degrees in and most of the money I make goes towards our savings and pays for extras such as vacations. Good luck.

Answer 7

You sound like a smart gal. It must be nice to know you won't have to work once you marry this man - but please make sure he is truly the right guy for you. There are no guarantees but you should go into the marriage with full faith that things will work out. If you are already having doubts, maybe considering postponing or even moving on. It never hurts for two people to be working - both my husband and I work full time. I can't imagine being home all day long.

Answer 8

If you are willing to live in joint family then it is quite possible after convinsing your inlaws by showing your warmth affection even immediately after marriage. If not you can do so when the children have grown up or when they are ready to go to school. You can select a job acording to their timimings and wellbeings in consultation with your spouse. Afterall your children and your spouse will be needing your warm affection when they are at home. Best of luck..

Answer 9

Its really your choice. If I were you I would continue to work until you had children and actually had a family to care for. There really isn't 8 or 9 hours worth of cooking and cleaning to be done every single day.

Answer 10

No, you should not stop working when you get married. And here's how to explain it to him: he could become disabled at any time. Traffic accident, work accident, lightning strike, chronic illness, whatever. So could you. It makes sense, therefore, for you both to be employed so that you will have income if either one of you becomes unemployed for such a reason.

Answer 11

My dear half-sister ,

1. What is your family background?
2. Are you rich enough to stay home?
3. If you are going to depend on your half-husband... itz better you think twice.....may be you will get half-the-money you have now...???

Well.. don't compromise on your right to earn livelihood....

cheers