Am I marrying for wrong reason?

Question

Ive recently got engaged cos im desperate to start a family. Im 26 and havent known the girl for that long. We have our ups and downs and im having serious doubts because we always fight. But all relationships are complicated and im sure the next girl it will be the same. Ive either got to marry her in six months or break up forever. Im thinking once we are married and have our own family everything will fall into place. Should i just take the jump and get married? If i set a date now there will be no backing out.

Answer 1

This is not going to work. If the marriage is not based on love it will never last. The idea of marrying someone and hoping for the best is crazy, it just won't happn-take it from me because that is exactly what I thought when I was engaged and I am now divorced.

Answer 2

Setting a date means nothing; you can "un-set" it as quickly as you set it. My gut reaction though (based on the verbage and content of the things you've said) you're not ready to get married quite yet. You should not marry out of desperation of any sort. You should not marry while you're entertaining "serious doubts"; you should not marry with indifference in your heart ("...but all relationships are complicated and I'm sure the next girl will be the same"). You should not marry with "either/or" ultimatums hanging over your psyche, and you should not marry thinking things will fall into place (because they most assuredly will not). You should marry when you find someone you love so much as to make all other difficulties inconsequential, and the thought of living without her, unbearable. With this woman you will face any hardship, endure any crisis, and surmount any obstacle because your love will challenge you to find a way. You're a nice enough guy, but you're not there yet..at least, not with this lady, so slow your roll until you're more "sure". Good luck to you.
By the way, one of the other respondents gave you some excellent advice but he phrased it comically. Rather than what God has joined let no man put assunder, he said " put us under"....that was cute.

Answer 3

Think about this - you are entering into a life long commitment. not only with your partner but also with children that you might have. You should be considering what sort of girl you marry carefully and not just trusting to chance.

You sound as if a partner of yours can sort of be any old how, and everyone is much of a muchness. This is not so. You should be marrying someone you at least think is a bit special even if you don't feel deep love.

If you marry the wrong person you will start a chain reaction of misery,

Answer 4

Things usually get worse AFTER marriage. If you're having doubts now, it's a strong indicator she's the wrong one for you.
Go find someone you are more compatible with.
Why do you need to start a family at 26? I think that is too young. People aren't trained on how to raise families. So we do it by trial and error. Give yourself more time to get educated about relationships and mistakes people make in getting married and raising kids. Learn the right way by talking to people who are happily married who have raised well behaving kids. If you argue about how to raise kids after they are born, you are in for a whole heap of trouble.

If you don't do any of the above, make sure you do this. Find a good marriage counselor (yes, BEFORE you get married) and go in for a pre-marital session. They should give you a compatibility test, that may be a good predictor of how your marriage will do. Don't ignor the results of this test.

Good luck, and I hope you make a wise decision.

Answer 5

Marriage is very serious once you go before god and commit yourself to your partner there is no turning back because what god hads joined together let no man put us under.
I can answer this very honestly and quickly for you if you are not sure that this marriage would work don't get married. your 26 years old and have plenty of time to get married when miss right comes along all this auguring doesn't help much in this relationship there are different of opinions. If you marry her this doesn't mean that things would fall into place.
If your being pressured into marriage and dont want to marry dont do it for your sake but, I have not heard one word about you being in love with this person. There is love and there is in love so which one are you? Always remember this is your choice not mines

best of luck

Answer 6

You should not get married just because you want kids. If you are fighting now, it will only get worse once you add the stress of having two kids. You need to take your time to get to know someone before you even think of getting married. Why be another statistic? If you get married, it should be for life. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to get married. Find someone you love with all of your heart. Someone that you have no doubt about marrying. Don't let her pressure you into something you have so many doubts about. Find real love.

Answer 7

Only marry her if she is the person you are sure you want to spend your life with. Marriage is such a sacred commitment. You are only hurting her and yourself if deep down you don't actually want to marry her. You are only 26 and still have plenty of time to meet someone special. Getting married and having children is not going to fix your relationship. Especially having children, you need a solid marriage to manage the stresses of it. Also if your relationship is filled with fighting that probably isn't going to change, and do you really want to raise your children in a household of constant fighting. Deep down you know the right answer so trust your insticts and good luck :)

Answer 8

I feel that if you are having serious doubts now, it's time to step back from the relationship for a moment and really look at what you want, what you are receiving from the relationship, what you are able to give, what you will be satisfied with in the end....my point is, if you aren't certain right now, then you need to re-evaluate your reasons for asking her to marry you to begin with. Marriage is not easy, even in the best of relationships. My husband and I were one of those ooey gooey couples in the beginning and now we fight like cats and dogs. I still adore him, but it takes alot of effort on both our parts. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, but know that this is just a down in a life of many ups and downs. My recommendation....make a list. Pros and Cons. Things you love about this woman, things you don't exactly like. Make another list....things you want in a marriage and in a life partner. Can she give these to you? You are still young. The time will come when the right woman will come along...and I am not saying this one woman isn't her...I'm just saying that you need to know for certain she is, before taking that stroll down the aisle, and right now, you are not. Good luck.

Answer 9

Do you think your relationship will be more easier if you are married?

To marry and to start a family means more responsibility. Your childwill depend on you like no one else ever have done. It's in your hands to let him grow up lucky.
You wrote, that there you are in a complicated relationship. Do you think it will be a shining example for your child? Should it learns, relationships will be funcitoning always in this way?

If there are any doubts to marry and starting a family... let it be.

Answer 10

You really need an answer to this? After reading your question it's obvious you don't want to get married at all. Why the need to start a family anyway? Wait until you're sure you're ready because you sure aren't now! When the time and person are right you will know.