Why my husband is getting mad about it??

Question

My husband and have being married 2yrs have wonderful baby who is a 1yr old. I"m getting my BS degree in a few months and i wantted to join the navy as an officer and i will be getting paid good so i will be able to pay back my student loan and get the GI bill to give it to our child. However, my husband is so agianst 'cause he said guys will be wantting to get with me all the time since I"m a good looking girl who will be around a lot guys. What should i do this is a really good chance but he said he will divorce me 1st before he let's me do that what can I do now

Answer 1

I have a problem with you joining the Navy with a very young child.

If you were drafted that's one thing but to me being a mother first at this point is major.

You can have a wonderful career at home and still be there for your child.

Answer 2

It all depends on what is more important to you. I am sure that guys wanting to get with you is not the main issue of why he doesn't want you to go. You are going to be away from home alot and leaving him with the responsibility to raise you child and take care of the house leaving him as a single parent in a sense. My sister in law did the same thing. My brother and her were only married 2 years and have a 2 year old son and joined the National Coast Guard. She has been gone for 5 months and won't be home until end of January. They are having a hard time dealing with it. There son is at a stage that he is growing and change so much that she is missing everything and is miserable even though this is something she truely wanted to do to help pay for schoo and have a good pay. My brother is having a hard time, because they are newly married just started a family and it was thought that they would be doing it together and now he is in a sense a single parent and his wife is 14 hours away.

You need to sit down and really do your pros and cons of the situation and find out what is best for you and your family. A marriage is two people joined as one, so really you need to really have a heart to heart talk about what the real reasons are that he doesn't want you to go and list all the reasons that you do want to go and civiliy discuss them. Your husband may not open up and tell you his real reasons, but I am sure it is fear you will be sent to war, fear that he may fail as a father, fear that you may find someone else while you are in such close quarters with the opposite sex, the list goes on and on. Best of luck to your family and you on this difficult decision.

Really do some soul searching if you haven't already about if you really want this, can you handle not seeing your child for long periods of time and missing some of the growth, development and bonding time with your child, can you handle being away from your husband? Can you handle being shipped to war and possibly never seeing your family again? These are all things to consider. You need to be completely honest with yourself and let your ego and guard down when answering these.

I'm not trying to convince you not to do it, because I am for the military and what they are doing for us. I have family and friends in the service, most of them however joined prior to starting a marriage and family. However, my father joined the service while my mom was pregnant with my older brother. She didn't see him alot and they always moved to different bases. Everything ended up working out, but it was extremely difficult for the spouse that is left behind. I am just hoping that you really thought about the possiblities of everything. I know my sister-in-law said she considered everything and put on the hard@$$ attitude about it and now she is miserable and crying all the time. Once you join, they own you and can do what they want with you. So please really think it through of what is best for all of you, but also make sure that whatever decision you come to that you won't have regrets.

Answer 3

This is quite a difficult question because I see both side of the issue. My son is in the Navy and is happily married to a woman he met in the navy. They have a great relationship and all of the men respect her, but most of that is because of the way she carries herself and the fact that they are together and the guys respect him so much. However, prior to dating her, she was the object of much male attention. I guarantee you will be too. You will have to go out on ship for months at a time with a large number of guys. Would you feel comfortable if he was in a job that took him out to sea with a huge number of single girls? Also, with the new baby, you going out to sea will leave him to watch the child, raise the child without you. I think the service is a bad decision in this stage of your life. There are tons of other opportunities that afford you the ability to accomplish what you want. The Navy will place a strain on your relationship that only the strongest of bonds could endure. Its a huge risk.

Answer 4

Do not join the Navy. First of all, it does NOT pay very well. I do not know who told you it did. and you will have to leave your child. Trust me, my husband was in the Marines and he left our two month old son for a whole year. and it was the hardest thing he ever went through. He came home and my son did not even know who he was and was afraid of him. If you are getting a degree, just look for a job. It probably would be better pay than the military.

Answer 5

In marriage each person becomes as one know one is in control of the other but make decisions with one another.
It is my understanding that perhaps you didn't know your husband that well when you got married because you never discuss this with him this would have been one thing for you to talk about doing our dating. Your getting a BS that is good and now you have a 1 year old son also in this marriage right are you in love with your husband he sounds like he wants to be in control of your life and wont support your decision or perhaps he is even jealous of what you have earned. I think that your husband is very insecure and cant handle the fact that your good looking and think other men will hit on you.
But if your in love with your husband and he is in love with you than there is nothing to worrier about he has a trust issue that's what it is all about. He will divorce you before he lets you do what you want to do. this man wants to control your life and make all the decisions in your life he does not own you, he only married you. This is a big decision that only you can make for your self.
Best of luck

























best of luck

Answer 6

Although being in the military is a great way, you need to make sure you realize that deployment is going to happen. No ifs ands or buts about it-you will be gone for long periods of time and leaving your baby and husband. I am engaged to a Major in the air force and I have to go the holidays without him, months at a time without seeing him. Do you really want to go 2 or more months without seeing your child? You have time to pay back your BS, just do it the way it was originally planned and listen to your husband. He did come at this the wrong way and you should probably talk to him about his jealousy issues, and the fact that he doesn't seem to quite trust you completely, but he was right to say that you shouldn't. In my opinion. It is a hard thing to be in the military-not only for you-but also for your whole family. You will have to go to basic training right away-that means that you will be gone for 2 months. And you also have to consider the being stationed somewhere else? Is your husband's job something he can just pick up and move with you? Or will you guys be seperated for the term of you being stationed somewhere else? My job and future opportunities that come with it do not allow me to follow my man when he leaves in one year to be stationed somewhere else. I can't just pick up my clinic and expect my patient base to follow me across country. Dont join the military just for the money........you lose more precious things in the process-like watching your child grow up.

Answer 7

Why didn't you decide to have this type of career before commiting to another person and producing yet another person whose lives are affected by your choices. Ask your husband to work with you in finding a career that fits better with also being a wife and mother of a small child and make it clear that as a couple making joint decisions he is also one of two people responsible for you all being a financially healthy family.
When I had my first baby I was a very pretty girl but I always sent very strong messages that i was happily married, maybe your husband doesn't see you sending those signal when he is with you which is why he is insulting your ability to stay faithful.

Answer 8

Apparently your husband doesn't have a lot of trust in you....Just because other guys "will be wanting to get with you all the time"...doesn't mean that you will cave to their desires....The choice is ultimately yours...and if your husband wants to control you by threatening you with divorce if you choose to join the navy....then let him file fore divorce...you will be far better off without a man that wants to tell you what you can an can not do... Funny how your husband wasn't concerned in the least about you being away from your child....and more concerned with how other men will be hitting on you...

Answer 9

It sounds like you husband has self esteem issues an is probably scared that you will either be deployed a very long time or outgrow him. You are getting your degree and wish to join the military to be an officer.

You don't say what your husband does... Some men get strange when their wife becomes more successful than them.

I would be careful with someone who will throw out the D word whenever they don't get their way; that is a sign of immaturity.

Answer 10

I dint bl aim him one bit.Why get married have a baby ,now you wish to join the navy.You a getting your BS .Well good lock that's well dune .Why do you want to leave your husband and daughter for you will have to if you pass out in the Navy .I know my self was in the army and now an officer in the March/navy .Seen it happen .Think of your family .You can get a Shore side job with your BS . Good luck though .

Answer 11

I see a few issues here.
First - hubby is not showing respect for you by delivering this ultimatum without a long talk.
Second - hubby is telling you that he is worried that you will not remain faithful.
Third, you are not taking into account that enlisting will keep you away from your child (which is partly what your hubby is telling you he is afraid of) and
finally, if you read a few questions and posts here you will see that infidelity on the part of (probably) otherwise well-intentioned people often happens during long trips away from family.

You have a good life - your husband loves you, you have a wonderful baby, education. Why risk it over money?