Why Risk the Marriage?

Question

I need an opinion. A close friend of mine was recently married. For the past year, since she got engaged, she has continued to talk to her previous boyfriend, who she broke up with just before she got engaged to her current husband. She doesn't just talk to him, she tells him she still misses him and loves him and other stuff. Besides me, her, and the ex, no one else, including her husband, know about it. When I try to ask her why she's doing it, she gets mad at me and doesn't really give me an answer. I'm worried that if her husband finds out, it may not lead to divorce, but it would lead to a major blowup and distrust in the marriage. Obviously, she still has feelings for the ex, but why risk her marriage by maintaining contact with him? She's only 24, maybe it's just a maturity thing and not really knowing what a marriage commitment is. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Sounds like an opportunity for some Roaring Gun smoke if her husband finds out. It has very little to do with maturity. She's probably been a cheater in the past and is ready and willing to do it now.

Answer 2

She should of never of gotten engaged let a lone married to her current husband. If she has feelings for her ex she's not totally committed to this marriage and may end up getting hurt more than she could ever imagine. I'm sure the ex is just playing on her feelings ... she's the girl he can't have now, but given the choice he wouldn't want her ... she needs to realize that she's married and that all communications with her ex are like cheating ... not physically but emotionally and her husband may not tolerate it at all ...

As a friends since she won't listen to advice, tell her ex to stop communicating with her or you'll tell her husband ... or maybe tell that to your friend too ... it's not right.

As for her maturity ... like I said she has no business being married to a man when she has feelings for another.

Answer 3

I agree with you, it is a maturity thing, but I bet there are plenty of 24 year olds with more sense than to sabotage their own relationships like that. You can't do anything to fix that situation because it doesn't really concern you....she's risking everything when she should clearly know better, but it will be totally her own fault when the whole thing collapses on her. When that unfortunate day comes, she'll remember you having warned her against it.

Answer 4

I sympathise with your position, but the best thing you can do is be there for her if things "blow up." She is obviously confused, but not open to reason or advice and continued interferance would ruin the friendship I assume you want to maintain. My motto through experience is "The road to [hades] is paved with good intentions." It is best not to actively get involved in other's relationships - it tends to make things even worse though you are trying to make them better and you wind up with the brunt of the bitterness turned on you. If you want to try one last ditch effort ask her "If our cituations were reversed what would you want me to do? Please be a friend to yourself and follow the advice you would give me."

Answer 5

I agree with you. It might be a maturity thing. She has a problem letting go.

This all goes to show when you break up with someone you need to make it a clean break.

Answer 6

i think 24 is quite a young age to get married i was with a guy for 8 years then realised he wasnt the guy i wanted to spend the rest of my life with i wouldnt say anythin if i were you then if anythin does happen you cant get blamed for interfering xxxx

Answer 7

That is not cool i do see that throwing her marriage out the door if he finds out.