Do you think trust can ever be regained in a marriage?

Question

to clarify yes, we both had affairs a few years ago

yes Louise I know you do.
That makes it all the harder as I've really struggled to do that.
But I know that I'm not going to give up without trying my damnedest.

Answer 1

Absolutely trust can be regained. It won't happen over night and probable not in a week, month, 6 months or even a year. But you both need to open yourselves up to each other and be completely honest about everything and I mean everything. With the betrayal of the affair you may want to get a marriage counselor involved to help be a mediator and try to understand what made each of you stray from your marriage vows. Find a good counselor, most counselors believe that if they fix communication problems that it fixes all problems. When in all actuality communication problems is actually a symptom of what the real problems might be. You both may need to change your perceptions of things and do some self evaluations and figure out what you need to change in yourself. You aren't going to be able to change your spouse. But if you change the way you perceive things and how you react you impact a part of the relationship which will have a domino affect on the rest of the relationship. Best of luck to you both. Remember it will only work if the both of you are willing to work on trying to save your marriage and rebuild the trust..

Answer 2

well it depends on both parties: how sincere the partner is in regaining and rebuilding the trust place on him/her, and on the willingness of the other to forgive and accept.

finally, i'd like to quote something to ponder from a story written by RavenSprite:

"Being a human being is such a fragile and beautiful thing. From the moment we take our first baited breath we are condemned to make mistakes—and yes, sin. Sin gravely—as long as every beat walks us around in this world.

Compassion exists because without it we are cold. Sympathy is created because we need it to feel something for others and not always for ourselves. And forgiveness is born because if we lack forgiveness we aren’t human.

We forgive the people we love when they have broken us, when they have pained us deeply. Not because you love them or because you should or even because it’s the merciful thing to do. We do it because… we’re human too...

... But forgiveness makes ourselves better people. It cools the sting and it eases the hurt. Closes the wound, and it does let you start over. Without forgiveness there wouldn’t be love or hope, or faith or trust in this world.”

Answer 3

I do not know ,I seem to always think about what he has done to me .
I feel like retaliating and having a affair also
I guess it is too new
I know people married for over 50 years that have overcome
major obstacles ,affairs ,sickness,financial hardships.
So if you can make it
It is in the best intrest of the children (if any)
Hope You all The best
Sincerely
Nicole

Answer 4

Yes.

What it'll take is to be totally honest with yourself, and leave a space for your parter to be open with you, or to have her leave an open space for you.

This space has to be free of judgement, acceptance, and a willingness to forgive.

First, keep in mind we're all human. We're going to bad things from time to time. Most of us will only screw up badly on rare occasions.

However, when we screw up big it hurts all around.

I guess the issue of trust relates to how bad you or your partner screwed up. The hardest thing to overcome is being betrayed.

That pretty much is a relationship killer.

I'd work on creating an open space where you could talk freely with your partner and air out the dirty laundry.

If that doesn't work, try counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 5

not fully... i mean, its hard to do. you can forgive, but forgetting isn't going to happen. i think even when trust is regained theres a part of you that always thinks about it and remembers. i think that people who have cheated and are serious about not doing it again and instead are serious about working on their relationship should just keep their mouth shut and not tell the other person. that way you can work on it without all the yelling and screaming. i know its not truthful but youve already done it- thats the worst part. and to be honest, what they don't know DOESNT hurt them...i wish i hadn't known. now i am almost to trusting again, but i still have to ask a lot of questions at times

Answer 6

YES! the person who is seeking trust has to trust. just as simple as that. throw all insecurities out of the window. FORGIVE your spouse and move on together. or you can take the long road and wait for your spouse to PROVE that he or she is trustworthy. that can take months or years. if trust is not in a marriage, you have no marriage.

Answer 7

Hahaha! Sorry I'm laughing at Wise Guys answer. It's funny. First you have to talk to someone that you can't see. Hmmmm! Trust me if you did that I'd get you locked up.

In answer to your question. Yes it is.

I trust you, don't I?

I KNOW you wouldn't be stupid enough to do that again. If you did you'd lose me and you don't want to do that, do you?

So there you go.

Living proof.

xx

Answer 8

Depends on what was lost in the trust? something like money or not keeping your word then yes but will take time to show your really sorry but if comes to cheating then no to hard everytime you make love you have those pictures in your head.

Answer 9

Personally I dont think it can, if someone ever cheated on me then that would be it I couldn't trust him again. Everyone is different though you just have to really ask yourself do you trust her and do you trust yourself not to do it again? Hope it all works out for you.

Answer 10

if someone cheated? it's impossible because its true "once a cheater always a cheater". if the person who betrayed really valued the marriage or the other person they would be able to stay true.

as for other issues of trust it would depend on the betrayal and the capacity for forgiveness of the person betrayed. personally i will forgive a few things but because i hold my marriage and myself to a high standard then i expect the same of my husband as he does me and his self.