Married and Unhappy, No thot of divorce as Hv a child (4yrs)?

Question

I hv been married 5 yrs n things went wrong fm day 1. Opposites do attract fr all the wrong reasons. We hv fights everyday. He calls me names, tells I am sick, Piece of **** etc. Cannot think of divorce bcoz of a daughter. Hes nice when sex is required else no feelings fr me . Asks my opinion n does the opposite. If i tell him how i feel he says i talk like a "fisherwoman (low class)" or does not bother abt it. I hv tried suicide. But that resulted in more damage.5yrs is too long tob unhappy. Pls tell me how I mamage to stay happy inspite of all the fights, differences etc. Meditation NO. Something realistic I can try, Pls do advise how i find happiness??????

Answer 1

do not think of suicide, that makes him the winner, treat him the same way as he treats you, if he physically abuses you, seek legal advice, I do not understand why you cannot pick your daughter up and leave, you deserve better, some people will do anything to make their partner feel that bad that they will do anything, and this is what it seems he is doing to you,, you have rights, he has no right to abuse you in any way, but when he verbally abuses you, do not abuse him back, show your daughter that you are a better person than that, nobody can help you till you want to help yourself, and anybody in their right mind would tell you to walk, pick your child up and move, you say you are thinking of her, well you are not thinking strong enough because if you really do care about her, you would not subject her to his attitude towards you, and as she grows up she will only see the hatred you two have towards each other, sorry you only have one solution, and there is always organisations willing to help you, get through this.

Answer 2

I became unhappy in my marriage and went the last three years of it thinking the same thing....I CAN'T leave because of what it will do to my kids. But kids pick up on a lot and even if you weren't arguing in front of them, they sense the tension and suffer in the end.

I finally sat down with my ex and discussed all the issues and really he didn't have a lot to say. We got to a point that we did everything we could to avoid each other and that included taking the kids anywhere together.

I was called into my son's school to talk with the principal and his counselor about why his grades were dropping. It all came down to him being upset that we were not working as a family anymore and that he couldn't understand how we could live in the same house and not do things together.

It broke my heart for them, but divorcing has been the best thing that has happened. Talk to your child...they're smarter than you think and will take it hard to begin with, but once they see how happy you are without him, they will also be a lot happier. But don't EVER feel like you HAVE to stay because of your child. No one deserves to put up with any type of abuse, verbal, emotional or otherwise.

Answer 3

"Cannot think of divorce bcoz of a daughter." So making her life miserable is okay? Children pick up on the fact that their parents are not happy and the children become unhappy as well. So you're happy making your child's life miserable? What kind of a parent does that make you?

Answer 4

oh without a doubt, first seek counseling......that makes you the healthier one by acknowledging that you need help. If all else fails after therapy, leave him. Life is too short for an unhappy marriage. Kids or no kids, it would not be healthy for a child to be inbetween 2 unhappy and constantly fighting parents.

Answer 5

This sounds like a truly pathetic relationship; OR, you sound like a very ill person who does need counselling.

First you can't ask advice here and up-front discount 2 intelligent obvious answers. 1. Get a divorce or leave 2. Try meditation for your own health.

That said, I suggest you get to church faithfully every Sunday with your child and seek help from the pastor or priest. Hopefully they will have some access to counselling for you.

Answer 6

You need to leave this man, trust me, your child will be better off in the long run if you are not with this man. Do you think a child would rather grow up with parents who are fighting and degrading each other on a daily basis, or in a quiet single parent household? I'd pick the single parent household.

Answer 7

Have you thought of therapy? Not for both of you at this point but just you. I don't like divorce especially for people with children, but your marriage is so unhealthy. No one deserves to be treated like that. I don't think there is a way to be happy in spite of what's going on because it sounds like that's all that's going on. You might try reading some dr. laura books she does have great communication tools, that might help change your marriage. But all in all respect yourself and don't allow your daughter to be raised thinking that's okay.

Answer 8

Okay you have tried suicide, but you don't want to divorce him because of your daughter. So you are willing to kill yourself and leave your daughter with the fallout of that rather than divorce your husband and be with her for the fallout of divorce. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

You child picks up on the fact that you aren't happy. If you aren't happy, then your child won't be happy. I think you need to leave.

Answer 9

It's normal to have fights in a marriage, but when they are causing you to attempt suicide, you need to seek help. Leave him. I'm sure your daughter would rather see you happy, healthy and away from this guy instead of miserable, depressed and suicidal with him.

Answer 10

i hope you do not think..staying with him is helping your child. because it is not,. children are not dumb.. them sense the tension. they hear the fighting and they start having doubts about themselves. you are hurting your child more. fights every day.. suicide attempts. this should have ended a long time ago,... you do no mention counseling and i would surmise..that he would not go. you can not buy happiness... or force happiness. you have to sit down like adults.. and work out a peaceful.. agreeable.. way to part. your fighting is just going to escalate. and if you love your child.. you will wipe that suicide option right out of your mind. you have NO right to do that to yourself or your child.