My husbands best friend is reverting back to single life, and is trying to drag my husband out everywhere with him, however we have 3 children and are happy! How can i explain to him we will end up unhappy too!
2007-11-03 23:37:53 · 21 answers · asked by R B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello RB,
There should be time for your husband to share quality time with both you and his best friend.
However, his friend should not try to encroach on your time with your husband.
Just because his marriage failed there is no reason why yours should.
If his friend is becoming possesive toward your husband, your husband should diplomatically but firmly remind him that he is very happily married and that he loves you and the children.
He should also remind him that he wants to spend plenty of time with his family.
That is not to say that he has to break all ties with his friend. I am sure you do not want this either. Spending time with him a couple of times a week seems like a reasonable and fair compromise. That leaves the rest of your husbands spare time to spend with the family.
I believe you and your husband need to sit down together and talk this over. Let him know that you have concerns that if he spends too much time with his friend and less on his family, it is possible it could cause problems at home.
Although your husband and he are the best of friends, his friend must realise that your husbands family life must take priority.
He must accept this and stop expecting your husband to go out with him whenever his friend wants. He must stop being so selfish. After all it is not your or your husbands fault that his marriage failed.
Poseidon
2007-11-04 00:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by Poseidon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah. Definitely put your foot down.
Like another person said, with the things he's hearing from his friend all you're going to do is reinforce it.
Why are you worrying so much? You really can't go home again to when you were carefree. If that realization isn't happening now it will be soon.
Wife,kids, house/apartment all eat into available cash. Even if his body could take being single again his wallet certainly cannot.
Lighten up.
2007-11-04 00:11:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband should be able to go out and enjoy time away from the family and the children every once and awhile. Why not work out a deal with him that he can go once every week or two? It shouldn't cause problems unless you're unable to compromise, trust your husband and are unwilling to accept change. By the way, you deserve a night out by yourself every once and awhile too, why not call up some of your friends and have a girls night out, go to a club or something, but if your friends are single or don't have kids, avoid 'mommy talk' it's boring as hell.
2007-11-03 23:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to ask your husband to set limits with his friend and talk with him. I think it is sad that a "friend" would do this to someone who is married ~ part of his immaturity and insecurity, afraid to be alone.
Your husband should really want to stay away from the single's scene since he is married and I hope he will realize that. His friend can come over for dinner and share time together that way but he doesn't need to be out doing things with his friend since he is a married man and father. That is just not right.
Ask him to encourage his friend to make new friends rather than him go along. That is only inviting temptation which is going to cause problems between the two of you. I do hope your husband will understand and go along with you on this.
If not, you might try being more seductive and remind him who is waiting for him at home each and every night, ready to share time with him and the kids... and time after the kids are tucked in.
Send him emails with sweet little messages to let him know how special he is and how much you treasure him
Send him poems, either ones you have written or some you find online (like at the links below)
Talk with him about a Saturday that all of you can go on a picnic, even if it has to be in your livingroom. If you have it at home, plan activities for the kids and things y'all can do together so you interact with each other as a family. If you can have it in a park somewhere, be sure and take along balls or whatever so all of you can play together. If you have smaller children, be sure and have activities for them, too.
If you aren't going to church, start going as a family. You and your husband get involved in some Bible studies and make new friends and be there with the kids when they have things they can do with their new friends.
Have Bible studies at home each night and pray together as a family, something that will bind all of you as a family.
Send him a love card at work and share your love with him with promises of a wonderful evening at home. A few "winks" on the card might open his mind to a few suggestions :)
Buy something sexy for after dinner, once the kids are tucked in, and don't forget the candles in the bedroom so it has a very romantic ambience.
Be creative..... check out the links below for lots of good ideas.
Hoping and praying this all works out ok for you. Don't forget to invite his friend to church with you so he can also make new friends. He will meet better people there than he will running to the bars where he will be asking for trouble. God bless you folks
http://www.lovingyou.com/content/romance/?ID=ideas
http://www.romantic-tips.com/
http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/
2007-11-04 00:01:00 · answer #4 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he is not a sigle man like his friend and that he is having responsibilities now
yes they can go out 2-3 times per week but he has a family and this must be his first concern in his life, he can be there for his friend because he is having a divorce and it is not easy for him but it is not acceptable for him to neglect him family life
speak calm and gentle to him they are sensitive when you talk bad about their friends
and be an open person
2007-11-03 23:44:52 · answer #5 · answered by Helena 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is obviously bugging you your hubby is out a lot. Just explain to him you are feeling a bit neglected and you appreciate guy time, buy maybe he can cut down to once a week?
Just don't nag TOO much. Your hubby is hearing a lot of women bashing right now from his friend, you don't want him to start gettinbg any ideas.
2007-11-03 23:53:20 · answer #6 · answered by LifeLove 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your husband should not be going out with this lady. He's married and has you and three kids. Talk to you husband and tell him how you fell or better still speak to his best friend over a coffee and tell her how you feel about her actions.
Best of luck.
2007-11-03 23:45:10 · answer #7 · answered by Justme 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems your having a few issues. Maybe with insecurity and trusting your Husband. No one can cause problems in the relationship if you do not let them. Your husband has to decide what he is going to do.. If this means going out a couple of nights even after you voice your concerns then maybe you need to sit down and think what is it you want and if you are willing to compromise with him or not. Even if the friend has no respect for you or your family it is on your husband to set him straight.
2007-11-03 23:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by je 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Can't you sit down with both of them and exsplain your feelings?I think it would be wise.Also take into consideration that this is his best friend and this guy will need your husbands help to get through the divorce.Communication.Don't get out of control just sit them down and talk to both of them calmly.
2007-11-03 23:55:57 · answer #9 · answered by lollypop 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You won't necessarily I have many divorced/separated friends and me and my partner are perfectly happy. We also have a lot of single friends and it makes no difference to our relationship, admittedly we do not have children but we do have an elderly dog that cannot be left on her own so we do have childcare issues as such.
2007-11-03 23:47:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋