He's a moody/gets angry quickly type of person
but we're not perfect .. we all have bad things in our personalities and i love him despite the bad things in his personality
He admits those bad things but says things like (this is me) (i was born that way) (i'm just like my father) (although my mom is the most special person in my life she couldnt change that in me)
I can't completely change him for sure, but if i help him control his temper or find ways to get him out of this un-nessecery bad mood .. do u think i can pass ? do u think there are ways i can help him with ? should i talk to him about that plan i'm making to change him?
By the way .. we're engaged and getting married soon .. been engaged for almost a year but never got to see each other during that year cuz he was studying abroad so our relationship was a phone or IM relationship
So do u think i can ?
Therapy and leaving him are NOT options
2007-11-03 23:18:34 · 14 answers · asked by Maria 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
COME ON PEOPLE ! wouldnt u like it that someone loves u so much they would still be there for u and offering help in whatever u think is wrong with u ?
am i missing something here ?
2007-11-03 23:43:23 · update #1
Well if its ur first date after years get to know each other kiss hold hands etc but then sit down and talk to each other ask him about his plans and tell him ur plans.So both of u will know where u two stand with each other.Good Luck!
2007-11-03 23:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by docfreudianslip 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never be able to do enough to ease a bad temper in someone else. That is only something they can control; if they want to. And trust me, it can be done. He just has to really want to control that bad temper. I say the fact that he's using that he was born that way is a good indicator that he's unwilling to change. So nothing you do will make it better. In fact it will only make your life worse. Some years down the road, you'll wake up and realize that you've been beating a dead horse. And that you've spent some good years revolving your life around a man who obviously didn't care enough to try in the first place. The only person who will hurt will be you.
2007-11-04 06:51:32 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you can. It really depends on the level of his temper and his anger, but if he gets angry or loses his temper at you, you need to look out for yourself and leave him. The only thing that is going to change him is therapy and even then it's a long shot unless he truly wants to change. Of course, you said that neither of these things are an option, so an answer is not what you're looking for. You're looking for someone to support your decision to pursue a potentially abusive relationship and I'm not going to do that. In fact, if you stay with a man who harms you in hopes that your 'goodness' will change him, I'd consider you a fool.
2007-11-04 06:23:10 · answer #3 · answered by some female 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Actually yes, therapy is an option, it's just an option he's choosing against. And leaving him is an option, it's just an option you are choosing against for the moment.
You cannot change him. You should not tell him you are trying to change him. Only he could change himself, and it would probably take years plus tons of therapy to do so. And you're not even married yet? This will only get worse. Get out now. This type of relationship is the type that gets abusive. It might even already be verbally abusive. But even if he is not abusive yet, men with anger issues like the one you're describing always eventually become abusive. And once you get married, it will get WAY worse.
NEVER marry someone thinking you can change them. It will never happen. You will just become one more statistic, one more battered woman. GET OUT NOW!
2007-11-04 06:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Sadie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If therapy and leaving him are NOT options, why are you even asking this question?? What makes you think you can change something about your fiance that even he cant, or won't change? You don't have that power. The only one who does is him, and he doesn't seem remotely willing to consider changing. Your only choices are to accept him, or not. If you do, don't have kids. They don't deserve a father who can't control his anger.
2007-11-04 11:14:21 · answer #5 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Moody? Is this combined with depression?
His parents were like this ?
Hello possible family history of bipolar manic depression?
Is he physically or verbally abusive to you or other people and then claims they provoked him when they didnt?
Dont plan to change him ... talk about it now!
Look into his family history any signs of abuse?
If therapy is not an option why not?
2007-11-04 22:52:27 · answer #6 · answered by JeeVee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being moody getting angry quickly are both things that you can learn to get under control, he sounds simillar to someone I know very well who was very critical and angry with their partner a lot of the time, once he stopped drinking so heavily his temper improved greatly, does your partner drink or take drugs you didn't say?
2007-11-04 06:41:57 · answer #7 · answered by ladysunshineau 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I 'm sorry but I think you will make the biggest mistake of your life by marry him..... he is moody and you say that so far your relationship was based on IM, and phone !!! You need more time together . Good luck
2007-11-04 06:33:03 · answer #8 · answered by shinersd 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well I think you should have thought of this before you got engaged.....hopefully you can change him...but you will still have to live with him if you cant chagne him so you need to know this before you marry him...Just ask yourself.."can I still stay with him forever even if I can't change him"? If you can then go and marry him, but if you can't stand his personality now then you probably shouldn't marry him.
2007-11-04 07:49:01 · answer #9 · answered by what? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, you can't change him - but you can change yourself and your attitude if you aren't happy.
How he is now is how he will be once you marry. If you ignore the red flags now, then you are making the choice, and have to deal with the consequences.
The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.
2007-11-04 08:17:45 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋