No Sex. Should I cheat?

Question

I am 26 years old and this is my second marriage. My first marriage was very abusive. Now I am married to this great guy, I can say I am married to my best friend. The problem is we don't have sex. He has ED and cannot keep it up for more than 1 minute. I honestly forgot the last time we had sex. He seems to have an orgasm when penetration is not involved but when he tries to please me he can't keep it up. This is ruining my self esteem. He had medical help, even with medication he still has problems. We talked about this situation a number of times with no progress. We have been married for more than a year now. I just can't see myself growing old with no sex! I am a pretty attractive lady and casual sex is going across my mind and I am feeling terrible! We can't afford any therapy right now and I can't count how many times we talked about this. I don't want to divorce again because of my daughter who is very attached to him. Should I cheat, or be sexless my entire life?? HELP!

I am open about sex toys and oral, but the fact is, I will not be turned on! I can't imagine being please by someone that is not horny for me!!! That's the whole thing about sex that satisfies, when both people are involved, horny and attracted to each other. I can't see him pleasing me when I know he is not feeling it!!! It's terrible. I don't want it to be a chore for him and it will feel like it would be to me because he is not horny for me. This is terrible. I am so depressed and sad about this I don't know what to do. I know it;s easy to judge, like the person of the second answer, but being in this situation it's a whole different story. I know it is hurting him too but he is not even trying. I am getting to a point where I get shy and embarrassed when men look at me or say that I am pretty because I don't want to feel guilty of what may come across my mind.

Answer 1

Cheating will destroy your marriage.. not only if he finds out... but because of the guilt you will feel.
I will not suggest an alternative, as acceptable alternatives are different from one person to another.
All marriages call for compromises. Only you can define what is an acceptable compromise and what is not.
Medications are not the only treatment for ED. Perhaps you can study alternatives. I understand that everything costs money... and this i see can be an obstacle.
I wish you, him, and your daughter the best!

Answer 2

I can understand how you must feel.

But I dont think cheating is fair, its not his fault he has this problem. I hink you will hurt him by cheating and may possibly hurt and confuse your daughter if she was to ever find out you cheated on your father. I dont think a healthy marriage should involve on person going behind anothers back.

I think you should be open with him and tell him you have sexual needs which he cant fufil. He probally wont like the idea at first. But I think the best thing to do would be to get him involved,so his physically there in the room when you have sex with someone else, maybe he could be a voyeur and watch while you have sex or maybe you could have a 3 some, where he uses his tongue and fingers and the other man uses his penis. Orgies Swingers parties/ would be an excellent way of doing this.

Theres loads of other ways he can pleasure you which dont necessarily include his penis, figers, tongues and sex toys can be enjoyable, I think it should be more about the imtimacy you have together.

The most important things are not to go behind his back, communicate with him, and try and get him involved or at least able to see what you are doing to avoid jealousy, resentment and him feeling bad about his problem.

Good luck :0) !!

Answer 3

You are facing one of the most heartbreaking problems anyone can deal with, even more so because of your young age. Many people don't understand that ED is just as much a problem for the woman as it is for the man. It also sounds like your husband's ED, in addition to some physical problems, may also have a psychological aspect that could respond to counseling. You are also very much in need of some counseling. You need to find a way to afford therapy - payment arrangements, free clinic, something - because your own emotional health is just as much at risk as your husband's here. It can be extremely upsetting to you than he can orgasm on his own but not with you. You both have needs that are not being met here. You can't afford NOT to seek therapy !
And your marriage is obviously already at risk if you're even asking whether you should cheat.Your choice should not be between being sexless forever or cheating - both will lead to even greater heartbreak than you are experiencing now. Please find a way to get help for both of you before this situation leads to an irreversible breakdown of that wonderful friendship that led you into your marriage. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't think you should cheat.

You say that your husband is ok when he masturbates but when he's with you he loses his erection. Well this could be just psychological, maybe he is nervous about pleasing you. If you love this man then please work with him to achieve a better sex life. Sex isn't all about penetration - what about using sex toys such as dildos? Why don't you ask him to give you oral before having sex - that way he knows that he has already made you come and there is less pressure.

I don't believe that medication will help the problem. Why don't you look into alternatives like meditation and deep relaxation therapies.

I hope it all works out. And remember to keep a good line of communication open as communication is the key to a great sex life for both of you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You need to talk to your husband about this and ask him if he would be willing to use toys, in order for you to have some stimulation. You could do this for yourself, but if your husband would be involved it would be better for both of you. I would go to a naturalist and ask if there is anything that you could buy to help with this. Sometimes high blood pressure can do this and a change of diet would help. But I would not have sex out side of the marriage, because this would hurt him terribly, and you would end up divorced again.

Answer 6

It's this simple, you cheat and your marriage is over. What's more important, your marriage and your daughter having a great male role model around. Or sex and a second divorce. There are other other options for him and you need to help him discover what can be done. This is the for better or worse, in sickness and in health part of your vows. If you took them seriously you wouldn't be asking this question.

Answer 7

you could have him get a penile implant. there are diffrent types out there be sure and do research on them. I had to get one myself and it was a blessing. I hated the fact that Mr Happy would fall sad withing minutes. The great thing about the penile pump is they stay up till your done then you can make it go down. So before you cheat make sure you look into penile pumps. The hubby will feel much better knowing wthat he can keep it up. Consult a local eurologist and they will be able to help him out. Your insurance should cover the operation

Answer 8

He should go back to his doctor and tell him that the medication is not working.Maybe he can get on something else.Or try to get into something kinky with your husband.Toys or something.
Was he having this problem before you got married?Does he have some added stress in his life?Do you think you are nagging him to much?
If you feel the need to cheat,then get a divorce from him.That is a crappy thing to do to someone.

Answer 9

If you cheat, it will feel good for a few minutes, then your marriage will die from your guilt. There is no taking it back. Continue to seek ways to help your husband. If you cheat on him, you will kill his self-esteem and he may never recover. This is not a case where he refuses to have sex with you, if it were, my answer would be different. In this instance, cheating will tear apart your lives.

Answer 10

I am kind of in the same situation, I love to have sex I could do it everyday. My husband is not that much into it so that gets me frustated and I do not think of cheating on him, I just find other ways to pleasure myself. I wouldn't think of divorce just because of his health problems, you can go to different websites on the internet like webmd it is a very good websites that helps with any medical situations. And I would not cheat on your husband talk to him find ways that yall can pleasure yourselves. good luck