I have recently gotten close to one of my husband's friends. My husband is also his supervisor. (They're cops). Apparently, we got a little too close. He kissed me, and I didn't stop it. I'll be the first to admit I enjoyed it (at the moment that is). I now realize that I screwed up royally. So naturally I went to my friends for advice. Some say that I should not tell my husband because it was just a kiss and would hurt him too much over something really small. Others think that I should have told my husband right away. He has cheated on me (not saying that makes it ok, just giving a fact). I'm scared to tell him. Don't know if I should. Don't want to create tension at work. I tried to tell him a few times before about something that happened when we were just dating and he refused to believe it. Thought I was joking. Didn't think that me cheating on him was possible. Have no clue how this is going to go. If I should tell him, how do I tell him? How do I undo the damage?
2007-11-03 22:07:55 · 15 answers · asked by GreenEyes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Him cheating on you is a huge reason why you wouldnt trust him. You feel hurt and betrayed. He is supposed to love you exclusively and him cheating with another woman kinda takes the away the meaning of love. I woudl have hurt you heaps, and maybe subconsciously you want to hurt him as much as he hurt you. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. I think you should discuss the incident with him. Don't be afraid because he started the distrust. He has no room to move. You love your husband, that is obvious, but he needs to love you as much as you love him. If he wants to play with your marriage, then you need to let him know what it feels like to feel betrayed. Im not saying two wrongs make a right. What I am saying is that you have been hurt to the core. You are questioning everything about your husbands commiitment to you. He needs to know you are an attractive woman and other guys find you appealing. He needs to know the hurt he caused you. Talk to him and maybe he will see the beauty that other guys see in you. Like I said, he has no rome to move because he started off this chain of events.
2007-11-03 22:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what I'd do:
1. The only people who know about this are you, your husband's friend, and everyone at yahoo. While I normally think that honesty is the best policy, this could be an exception. I can't see any motivation for your husband's boss to tell him (unless he tries to blackmail you for something more - in which case, you have to say "no" and come clean with your husband), so I don't think you have to worry about that. So assuming all of that's true, you should apologize to your husband's friend/coworker ("It was nice, but it was wrong for me to do."), and hopefully that's the end of this particular issue.
2. As your "penance", I would re-commit to your husband. Be the best wife you can be for him, whatever that means. Cook his favorite meals more often. . . be available for him more often. . . surprise him with tickets to his favorite team. . . you know him better than I do, so you fill in those blanks. You might find that your penance might have the benefit of bringing you closer together and he might reciprocate.
3. You need to do some soul-searching. Are you happy with your husband? Do you want to stay with him? I presume that if you feel this guilty about it, you want to be with him.
4. If he ever does find out, you basically tell him what I said here. ("Honey, it was wrong for me to do and I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want it to affect your job and our relationship. I thought it was better to learn from this mistake, and put more time into our marriage."). I'm sure he'll still be pissed, but he'd be pissed anyways. At least by putting back into the marriage, you're doing a litttle damage control.
I wish you well.
2007-11-04 06:04:09 · answer #2 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Regardless on how it was it may keep on bothering you but the Best thing is to come clean with your husband so that he may feel that you are keeping him honest about your feeling towards him. It would be better if you tell him than for his to get the message from someone else which may jeopardize your marriage and create mistrust between two of you. If you keep it to yourself, in one way or another, it will still bother you and stress you out and the other cop may come around to advance his sexual agendas or perhaps black mail you about it lest he get what he wants which may make things more worse than they are already.
2007-11-04 05:23:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mums the word on this one, keep VERY quiet.
If you we're strangers , you could confide in your husband and confess your guilt and he would admire your honesty.
Since you have work variables, friends, boss/ employee relations - bringing this up will trigger action by your husband.
- he could fire the employee
- the matter could get extremely ugly
- the employee could begin pursuing you
You need to avoid this " friend " and not have any contact if possible.
2007-11-04 11:02:33 · answer #4 · answered by Nana Butterfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't buy trouble when u can't pay for what u already have. Don't do this again unless u are done with husband. and regardless of the situation with the husband friends sre OFF LIMITS period especially if they are the husband subordintate. U need to get over yourself and stop putting others in danger in thier career as well as in thier relationships in general. move away from the fire befor u buy gas............... get it u have no right in this so stop it. goog luck and God Bless
2007-11-04 05:19:13 · answer #5 · answered by Special Edition 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't say another word to anyone about this. Even so called friends sometimes start problems!! Don't let yourself into a situation like that again!! OH, did you know those guys carry GUNS!!
2007-11-04 09:00:17 · answer #6 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though it was "just a kiss" I think you should tell him.
I don't personally know your full story but it sounds like there are a few problems in your marriage and maybe counseling or even divorce might help you.
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out.
2007-11-04 05:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should tell him. He cheated on you, you sorta cheated on him. Somethings not right. You need to find out if you actually want to be together.
I wouldn't care about it being one of his co-workers, your marriage is worth man than a work buddy.
2007-11-04 05:17:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is his supervisor and that may complicate their work relationships. Better keep quiet and make sure never happens again.
2007-11-04 05:32:18 · answer #9 · answered by Andrea 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I cannot see why you are so worried over a little kiss.Please dont worry so much.It would have been a worse situation if you had slept with this guy.My advice is try not to let it happen again.LOL
2007-11-04 05:16:06 · answer #10 · answered by embellishment3 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋