my boyfriend is really mad at me because called him the n word what should i do?

Question

first off i am white and my boyfriend is black. on friday we were having a fight and i called him the n word and he got really mad at me and now i think he is going to break up with me. i told him his friends (black guys) call him that all the time so whats the difference. then he said the difference is you white and them my boys. if i let you call my that what will they think. i tried to apologize but he just walked away. and whenever i call him he doesn't answer. i really didn't mean to hurt him and i really am sorry. i don't want it to be over between us so what should i do?

Answer 1

I know the others on here are trying to psychoanalyze you and say you're a racist, and that may be true, but you might also just be ignorant of how powerful that word is and what it means for a white person to say it to a black.
It carries massive condescending connotation with it and he's not just mad at you for saying it, he probably feels he cannot possibly forgive you for trying to pull that superior ****.
It has probably completely and irreparably changed the way he looks at you. You are no longer the same person, you are now someone who looks down on him.
He would have to be a saint to forgive you.

Answer 2

The n word has its origins from times of slavery... that is why black people react very strongly to it. I read somewhere, that its use by black people on themselves is a subconscious effort to come to terms with their past. imagine if u discovered ur family 5 generations ago were slaves, black people have to live with this reality every day.

most white people today are so comfortable with their black friends that they don't even see the colour of their skin anymore but using such words serves as a reminder and its more hurtful in a society where racial prejudices still exist.

I'm not calling u a racist but a white person using the n word is as derogatory as u can get. imagine if ur boyfriend called u the c word, how would u feel? not saying its the same thing but u should learn to show some sensitivity.

u're going to need more than an apology, because u just reminded him that u both have different skin colour. getting him to listen will be the hardest, but if he does, tell him you weren't thinkin when u used that word (obviously) and u didnt mean it in that context. u might want to read a little more black history to understand why this word hurts so much, or better still watch roots.

never underestimate the power or words.

Answer 3

first off, I'm black. and i have a white boyfriend. he WILL never call me that cuz then its over between us. but now getting back to you, no offense but white people should NEVER be allowed to use that word. Its an offense, but if your boyfriend loves you like you think he does then he'll forgive you sooner or later. But if i was in his shoes, i would probably dump you but it depends how much he really loves you. second off, U need to do more than apologize. u need to get ur sorry *** off of your high horse thinking that just cuz ur dating a black guy that u can call him that. BIG MISTAKE.. how dare you call him that. would you like it if we called you a **nt? okay then. and when his friends call him that-notice that okay? you and him arent the same. we can joke around and call each other that but when a white person calls us that, its fighting time. cuz ive been called one. it hurts like hell and you will never experience that like we have.

Answer 4

Yes you did mean to hurt him. You know perfectly well what that word means. Admit it you don't feel bad about using the word you feel bad that he got MAD at you for it. I bet if he didn't get angry you wouldn't be feeling guilty at all. There is nothing you can do. If your boyfriend even has half a brain he will dump you. And you deserve it. Next time think before you speak.

Answer 5

I dont believe you and I think you are a troll. Im black and I have a white boyfriend who I dont think will call me the ''n-word', but if he were to.......... he's gonna get it, BIG TIME. And Im not gonna go around asking questions about why he said it or wonder if we are getting back together. Its over!

Answer 6

Look deep within yourself to determine why you chose him as your mate, initially. Was it out of curiosity? Was it the "cool thing to do because your girlfriends were into inter-racial dating"? Now is the time to learn more about yourself, dear. Discover your feelings on various ethnicities. Are you merely "tolerant" of different ethnicities or are you truly accepting and receptive to other unique cultures? Did you really feel an apology would get him back? Shame on you. I pray for your growth and maturation.

Answer 7

You want 100 answers to THIS? That is a very hurtful word. Give him some time. He may come around or not. Please don't call anyone that word. It hurts even if people don't realize it.

Answer 8

Ummm are you dumb? You called him that in a argument., not while you were joking and playing around. If he had called you c*nt during that argument, you probably would have dug his eyes out. Lucky he didn't kick the sh!t out of you. You don't deserve him, so move your @ss on.

Answer 9

That was a Freudian slip and you are a racist. You are like that Swedish secretary from the movie Watermelon Man who slept with a black guy and then started calling him ****** when she got pissed at him.
He should leave you.
Just because you lay up with a black person doesn't mean you aren't racist. What should you do? Find a new boyfriend.

Answer 10

have you ever heard him call a gay person the F word or use ki#$# for jew?????????Or make fun of asians????? it doesn't matter if your genuinely sorry or what he did, your apology will be as meaningless as Dog Chapman's and Michael Richard's.