My husband can't keep a hard on. What should we do?

Question

I have asked him to talk to his doctor for years. He continues to ignore my request. It has been more than four months since we had any type of intercourse. We tried today and he could not keep it hard for very long. We ended up having to use the vibrator for my enjoyment. I'm really tired of this.

He is only 34 years old and we have been married for 14 years. This has been a problem on and off all during our marriage. It is truly frustrating to the point I have considered leaving.

Answer 1

lose some weight and get breast implants...

Answer 2

You need to tell him, in a non-confrontational way, that this problem is serious enough that it's threatening your marriage. Don't demand and don't give orders, but do tell him that the way things are can't continue. Tell him he has two weeks to make an appointment with his physician, and that he has to tell you when the appointment is and what time because you are going with him to be sure he follows through - and that yes, you'll go right into the doctor's examining room with him. That's because you may well have to help your hubby with whatever the problem is, and you want to be sure you understand the doctor's instructions.
If, at the end of the two weeks, hubby has not complied, then you will know without a doubt that he will not change, and you will then know beyond a shadow of a doubt what you must do - and from the sounds of it, that'll be the end of your marriage. Sorry - but give him this last chance, so there can be no pretense that he didn't know you are serious and all that crap. But have your bags packed...

Answer 3

A lot of people will tell you "Oh send him to the doctor, get him some Viagra and a c0ck ring." ...which might work except you've said this has been a problem on and off during your marriage and it's not just a recent development.

Something is on his mind or keeping him from focusing. He may not even realize it but something is bothering him either in his life in general or perhaps even in the room where you're having sex.

I'll give you an example. My old apartment had stark white walls and I didn't have anything to put on them, they were just blank walls. For some reason that distracting him so much that he kept losing his erection and we had plenty fights over sex....just from blank walls. Other times, he's had something on his mind like his grandmother was in the hospital doing poorly and that made him lose his erection. He wasn't actively thinking about it during sex but it was in the back of his mind.

So I would suggest that you talk to him about things that might be bothering him or stressing him out, anything that's been on his mind. Then you can change the situation and hopefully his erections will return.

Answer 4

While this is drastic but you have considered it, you need to give him an ultimatum. Erectile dysfunction can be early signs of several serious medical problems the least of which is your lack of orgasm. He goes to the doctor or you leave. If he is then declared otherwise healthy, then it is Viagra or you leave. You want male satisfaction, not plastic. I don't need it but I have it for my wife's enjoyment. I do well on my own thank you but every so often for a special weekend I will use it. By the end of the weekend, she is glad it is wearing off!!! Good Luck but also be prepared to just leave. If he refuses the doctor, he doesn't care enough about his health that you should care to stay, be miserable and possibly watch him die because he won't go to the doctor.

Answer 5

You should be grateful, that he's being aroused in your company, as he still has feelings for you after 8 years of marriage! Some women don't even get that, in so much that they have to hand start the husband or even give him a ******** just to get him in the mood & aroused or he has to take a little blue pill to get it to stand up & when it does, the love making can sometimes go for an hour or less than that, like say 30 seconds before he blows & empty his tubes! Then the woman feels rejected co's the session didn't last as long as she'd hoped it would! On top of that the poor woman spends much more time than the event cleaning herself up after her old man left his deposit inside her! So I wouldn't moan and grown too much, because your husband still feels attracted to you & his body is responding to your company! Make the most of it because in time the feelings he has for you will dwindle as he gets older & then you will possibly moan that your not getting the same attention of the early days! And you may start wondering if he's having it off with someone else when your not getting regular sex! So be grateful that he still finds you attractive, enough for his old fella to stand to attention when he's in your company & your cuddling!!

Answer 6

Don't leave your husband if this is your only issue with your marriage. You can talk to a urologist and find out if there are things that can be done to help your husband. He may be embarrassed about talking to someone about his issue. Secondly, do other things that are just as intimate that don't require penetration. There are a lot of things that can be equally pleasurable. Lastly, visit a local adult store, there are items that can be used to help. Bring some home and try them out until you find one that works long enough for you.

Answer 7

Going to a doctor for help may be humiliating but it is not nearly as humiliating as having your wife cheating on you or leaving you. Let him know how serious this issue is to you. Check to find out if the problem is physical or psychological by taking a roll of stamps and making a band to go around his penis while he sleeps. If we don't have physical problems we get a hardon while we sleep. If the band is broken you know that physically he is ok and you have to figure out what to do from there.
Best of luck,
Bill

Answer 8

can he masturbate ok? if he can then it's not a physical thing. and is he masturbating at all? it can desensitise people if it's too often. you shouldn't even bring him off. worst case scenario is he's having an affair, but you say it's been on and off. is this just a lull. how long does each off period last? you've been married for 14 years, dont jack it in without a fight, maybe professional counselling will help.

Answer 9

First of all, I don't know your situation but you don't realize how difficult it might be for him to discuss it with anyone, even a doctor. And from your post, you don't seem like the most sensitive, easy to talk to person in the world. Because your answer is to just leave. It seems like a very sensitive problem though and something that has to be treated with the utmost sensitivity to solve.

Then again, maybe you should leave because you could be the problem, and once you are gone, maybe his stamina will come back and he will be able to please someone else.

Answer 10

You should go and see his doctor, tell the doctor all his symptoms and that he is reluctant to come be seen for it. Set it up with the doctor that next time he sees his doctor for anything the doctor will know all about this and will confront him about it. Then he will get the help he needs. He may be a bit angry at you for going behind his back, but in the long run he will be grateful. A man's ego is closely associated with his ability to perform sexually.

Answer 11

okay...he needs to get a physical. One another point...you stressing him over it doesn't help things. Sex is only one component in a relationship. How would you feel if it were the other way around? I spent many years not even knowing how to get the "fireworks" and it had nothing to do with my partner. Now...well...yippeee! What if my man gave up on me? The problem your hubbie is having can be from medical issues, side effects from medications, stress, worry, lack of sleep, physical or psycological issues and even substance abuse. Make an appointment for you both to get a physical so he does not feel singled out.