I Finally Got Fed Up!?

Question

Yes, I went on a date and kissed another guy a year ago, when my husband suggested we divorce and he moved out. But after telling him I was moving on, he came back and promised me things would change and he would treat me better. Well, for a month straight he has played the blame game, and tonight, He called me a whore in front of the kids, and said to my 5 year old daughter...Do You Know Mommy Has Sex With Other Guys!! I got so fed up, I slapped him so many times while holding my 2 month old. He of course jumped up and attacked me and threw our baby down the crib. I didnt care if he attacked me, but was terribly upset that my baby was screaming. He's gone now. But I'm so fed up. I love him so much and I can't stand it anymore. There is never 1 day we can go without him mentioning something about the past. I'm trying to learn from my "mistakes" and grow. But now I'm confused as to who's fault it is.

this is the first time this has happened to us. We've been together for 8 years.

Answer 1

SOMEONE CALL CPS IMMEDIATLY. i swear...some people shouldnt be allowed tp breed.

Answer 2

Wha-wha-WHAT? Honey, you can't let that jackass have that much control over you! You crossed that line big time by striking him. Your kids should never, ever be in that situation...parents shouldn't ever fight anywhere near the kids, and damn sure shouldn't call each other whores or hit one another. Now your husband could use that against you if you decide to divorce and get in a custody battle.

It doesn't matter who's fault it is, you guys either need some serious counseling, or you need to be apart. My Lord, do you want your kids to think that kind of behavior is OK? I know that you don't; I understand being mad...I shoved my ex off my porch when he said I was probably sleeping around...but NOT when my baby was there.

This IS NOT 'love'. If someone calls you a 'whore', he doesn't love you; I'm sorry. Women are so bad about falling in love with who we think a man is; not for what they really are. Get the wool off your eyes. Don't let there be a next time. Hell, call the cops now and get a report! Lose this creep and you'll feel so much better for it, I promise.

Answer 3

There is no excuse whatsoever for what he did to the children -- verbal or mental abuse is just as hurtful as physical abuse. And the kids should never be a bargaining chip or used as a tool between the parents.

One kiss is not sex. In addition to being a damn fool, he's got waaaaay too much rage. He needs help to get past it, and that is the ONLY chance this marriage has at surviving. (Whether it is worth trying is your decision.)

You're no angel either; couples therapy or marriage counseling (in addition to whatever individual help he needs) might make a difference. That or a divorce lawyer, because whatever the two of you once saw in the other, is not there now.

And that's not a healthy environment for the children. They don't have to have a stereotypical happy mommy and daddy, but they sure as hell don't need what they've been getting.

Enough already; SOMETHING has to change. Forget "fault" or "blame" and look forward, not back. Get help.

Answer 4

Right now, it doesn't matter whose fault it is. That is not important. Blame does not get anyone anywhere .. and is not productive.

A person cannot go backwards. If a person lives in the past - then they are stuck in the future.

Your children witnessed things they should have never seen, or heard. It could get worse.

If you can't be together .. and forget the past .. then you cannot grow.

This violence will grow. Mentally & physically. ALL of it needs to STOP now. With both of you. This not only harms you, him, your marriage ,, it does a large amount of harm to your kids.

Blame - is the least thing here .. and the least important.

Answer 5

this is not a healthy environemnt for kids to be growing up in, and that should be both ur hubby's and urs concern right now. if he cant forgive u for what u did, why did he take u back? ask him that. if he changed his mind about taking u back, tell him he needs to leave. but telling ur 5 yrs old baby what he did, he is dead wrong. and so r u for getting physical with him. think about what u are modeling for ur kids, if the problem is too much and u two dont see a way to resolve it, it is better u too take some time out and perhaps rethink about ur relationship and priorities. have a talk with him when u two are both calm, and make sure u speak with ur kid about what to took place, she is probably mode shook up by all this than both of u put together.

Answer 6

Any abusive relationship is not a relationship at all. Separate yourself and your kids from him. In the future, try to control your own emotions. I do not think hitting a man is any more justifiable than hitting a woman. Personally, I think infidelity and abuse are the only two reasons for divorce. His mental abuse of the kids should not go unanswered. If I were a judge, looking from the outside in, I would only be concerned for the children. If you two will strike each other based on emotion, then what is to stop the two of you from striking the kids, other than a paddling, when they make you angry? Anger management and parenting classes would be in both or your best interests.

Answer 7

You should not have slapped him, especially while holding your baby. What were you thinking? He was way out of line with what he said in front of your child, but violence is not going to help the situation, and you started the violence this time. You both need some counseling if it is going to work.

My guess is that he is cheating on you. Most abusers accuse you of what they are doing. Something is terribly wrong in this relationship, get help, or get out, but don't let it continue this way, it is no way for your children to grow up.

Answer 8

NONONONO. This is poison! You can NOT have this kind of behavior going on around children for any reason! No matter how you feel. No matter how he feels. Not for any reason. You need to break this up and get counseling to help you make better choices about relationships and anything else that is going to impact those children. I am not doubting your love for your kids but I am straight-up questioning your judgment in allowing this kind of behavior to go on around them.
You have got to love those kids more than you think that you love any man. And that means turning away from any relationship that is going to put them in danger. And that includes emotional danger. If he LOVES you as much as you think that you love him. Well then he needs to be enough of a man to stay away... meet you only in counseling and go no further until and in the way that the counselor says that he should. If he is not 100% agreeable then he is not for you and he is DEFINITELY NOT for those kids!
~Tyed~

Answer 9

.....yes..you are correct....instead of slapping ..you should have shoot him....this crap is not suitable for you....at all ...cause of him you have dated other guy (s)... now this fellow wanted to feel happy by nagging / telling your past.....even though it is not at all tolerable...anything in front of your little one...I appreciate you as a mother and the way you responded.....but dear...is it possible to live without this fellow? are you financially free? I mean do you have a job so that you could live with out any body 's help?....cause even if you excuse this fellow....or if you are ready to live with this fellow....definitely he will poke you again with this dirty words...and he wont mind whether your kids are around or others..that is sure......so before taking any decision think it over and over again.

Nb:-.....DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR BABY TO THE DOCTOR FOR A THOROUGH CHECK UP...FOR ANY / ESPECIALLY FOR AN INTERNAL INJURY OR POSSIBLE FUTURE PROBLEMS. all the best.

Answer 10

Part of letting the past go is to stop assigning blame. The past is the past, but I don't think this guy is your future. Your daughters will get a lot of their self image from you and well if their Dad said that you are a whore well...

Answer 11

Interesting how you lead off with the cheating, and then swing back with all his problems. treat you better how? If you wanted to move on why did you take him back? Were either of you really even trying? Doesn't sound like it.