Freaking out ..getting married?

Question

i've been engaged for almost a year & getting married in less than a month

He's an angry+moody person which was totally ok with me (no one is perfect) ... i just feel so sensetive and in need of sweet talks and future loving promises from him to make so i'd go into our marriage more confidently but his bad mood is making me feel more and more worried about being his future wife ! although it was OK with me a week ago

He's starting to make a BIG DEAL about small things and makes me feel guilty about silly things and becuz i'm stressed , i DO feel guilty although i havent done anything wrong and i find myself saying sorry at the end, i become so sensetive and upset quickly whenever something goes wrong between us and he's not helping at all .. i dont feel excited at all and i never complained about his bad mood all the time

what's even making me freak out is that my parents didnt want me to marry him (cuz he's black) so the only support i have should be him

and no .. he doesnt know that my parents didnt want me to marry him

What is wrong with me ??

im not asking wether i should leave him or not .. i love him .. i cant imagine my life without him .. but why am i becoming a person that is not me ?!?

why r all the answers down there are mostly telling me to leave him and not talk to him about it ??

Answer 1

Pre- wedding jitters. Its perfectly natural to be freaking out. I am sure he is grouchy because he is stressed also. Don't worry, it will all work out.

Answer 2

If you are becoming a person you are not...then you need to leave. You should not feel guilty for doing nothing wrong.

He sounds selfish. And whatever you do...don't marry him with all these faults thinking that he'll change or you can help him to change. I'm sure you already know many people who have tried this and failed.

You're going to go through so many bad times that you'd think it is normal. Then when you have kids, it will get worse. If he's a mess now, then imagine having the additional stress of kids.

Step back and away from him and this wedding for a few days...in a hotel room, no cell phone, no visits from anyone...just you to evaluate the future you are about to step into. It will help to write it all out...the pros and cons. You can also look at it as a business merger about to take place. Would you merge your company with his company so volatile, untrusting, and zero potential for growth? You already know the answer...read your words about how you feel...
-angry-moody
-lack of future promises
-worried about your future
-big deal over small things
-makes you feel guilty
-you are stressed
-saying sorry at the end
-become so sensitive
-he's not helping at all
-you don't feel excited at all
-freaked out
-zero support from anyone in this

So there it is. Now go tell him what you've asked us to verify.

Best of luck!! There's so many more good "fish" in the sea that won't give you those bad feelings you described.

Answer 3

Doesn't matter if he is black, red or green. You need to look at him from the stand point of how he behaves now and what will it be like in the future. If he is moody now and angry - look out - signs of abuse. What are his plans when he grows up? Does he have some? Does he have a regular job, will he be able to support you when you are sick or having his children? If you are unsure now - it is never too late to call it off. We had friends who called it off the day before. Don't think it is just "jitters"

Answer 4

listen friend, i know that you love this man, but are you listening to yourself, the kind of attitude he has will lead to abuse later trust me, you cannot change a man, no matter how much you shower them with your love and give them everything that u think they would want. you want a man to shower you with his love and accept you and love you for you. you need to ask yourself do i want years of this kind of marriage, angry and moody all the time? always saying i'm sorry when it is not me?....i know you love him , but you should put off this wedding, until you know for sure this is what you really want...i dont think your parents dont want you to marry him cause he's black, i think they are just looking out for your best interest, and feel that you deserve a loving man

Answer 5

You're saying him being moody and angry is ok with you.....but then you say you want sweet talks and loving promises.

Unless he thinks there's a reason for him to change you're going to be unhappy.

When you get married you should have as many of your ducks in a row and you possibly can.....if you think you can fix things after you get married you're going to be disappointed.

Answer 6

You need to be up front with him........AND yourself.
You will (should) be married for a very long time. There is NO hurry, ESPECIALLY if you are feeling insecure about the whole situation.
And PLEASE do NOT give anyone, anything a 2nd thought.
Marriage CAN be postponed, no matter what anyone may try to tell you.

Answer 7

I'm sorry but you would be a fool to stay and get married to this man. he sounds like someone who will end up abusing you and turning on you. he needs some counseling asap before you even walk down that road to marriage. if he hasn't hit you already i bet he will. (i'm not wishing abuse on you so don't take it that way) your changing yourself because you have to admit your scared of him. you say you love him but do you love him to the point when it gets worst.

Answer 8

COuld they be smal lthings to you and big things to him? You may not be doing anything wrong- but I can tell you it upsets me just as much when my fiancee doesn't do anything. LAck of action is just as bad in other words. Why don't your parents like him?

Answer 9

run. anger and moody lead to abuse. no one is perfect, but that is not a good combo. get out of this before kids come.