I want to move to a different city, but I think I will miss my mom too much?

Question

I am almost 30 years old and I am extremely close to my mom. She is so amazing and sacraficed soo much for me. My mom doesn't have to many friends to speak of, and she doesn't have a car......she can't afford one.

She relies on me a lot for transportation, and sometims she needs grocery money, or money for her bus pass, a new outfit....whatever.

I want to move to a different city.....but I honeslty don't know how she will make it without me. I see her at least once a week if not more. She loves going out to eat, telling me about her work issues, hearing wht is new in my life, etc, etc. If I move away, she won't have anyone. No other family and no friends. And it is very hard for her to make friends (for a number of reasons). She will take the bus home and have nothing to look forward to.

I like to think that I would be able to send her $$ for groceries, taxi and bus fares, but the area I want to move to is sooooo expensive. I may not be able to afford living for myself and h

Answer 1

I moved to another state, 1500 miles from my mom. We are still very close. I used to see her every day, so it's taken me some time to being so far from home.

But...it was a move that was long overdue. I too wondered if my mom could live without me. She has and has grown in the process. She has activities and interests and lives an incredibly full life. I'm very proud of her. It sounds to me like neither you nor your mom are confident in your ability to live apart. You can't control your mom's life, she has to find a way to make it on her own. I agree with one of the previous posts about you being co-dependent. A parent's job is to raise you to be an independent, self-sufficient competent adult, not hinder your growth. Your mother doesn't have others in her life as a result of the choices she's made. Don't sabotage your future because you feel you need to take care of her. You aren't abandoning her, your are just taking charge of your life.

Answer 2

I'm 33 and the same way, but my mom has a car and is still teaching and is very active. Does your mom have a computer? You could chat or video chat and of course there's always phones! You might also consider moving her to live near you. There's also Meals On Wheels and Hospice (NOT just for terminal patients anymore!) provides visiting companions. Your mother probably qualifies for much state assistance. Investigate these options because there's no reason you can't move and still keep your mom comfortable and loved.

Answer 3

I was close with my mother, too, and we lived together most of the time because it helped us both financially. I could care less what others thought about me still living at home because we were close and I would do anything for her that I could and she did for me, too. I lost my mother to cancer at the age of 63 twenty years ago last March and I'd give anything to have her back to talk to and share time with again.

I would suggest you take her with you, otherwise you are going to worry about her alot and not be able to enjoy your new home. You could live together for a while until you get more familiar with the city and help her save money so she can get an efficiency apartment close to you if you decide to each have your own place. I go to church with a woman who bought a house with a mother-in-law house in the rear and that is where her mother lived ~ they had their own places but were close enough to do things together and help each other.

Take your time and do your homework and check things out in the city where you want to move to and see what you can come up with for the two of you. Hopefully you can get things worked out so you both will have peace-of-mind and be able to maintain your closeness. God bless you for caring for her and loving her with all your heart.

Answer 4

Are u married? If not take her with you. But does she have a job? Is she just not making enough money? I can understand that you dont want to leave her in a bind. She took care of you and if she has noone else then the responsibility does fall on you. On the other hand if she does have enough money but blows it then she needs to become more self-reliant and she'll befine .. It will be hard to learn how to manage money but she'll figure it out.

Answer 5

You are a classic case of co-dependence.

Your mom needs you, you need her...to the point of using one another.

Your mom, you will find, given the will to have to do stuff for herself, WOULD find a way.

If you dropped dead tonight, she'd make it, right? YES.

So, (and I was once in the same boat...that's why I'm so adamant about this) don't let your mom, as much as you love her, make you live your life revolving around her needs.

You HAVE to make it on your own to be truly happy.

Answer 6

Move and enjoy living your life. without you there, she will make other things happen. she will learn to budget money and make new friends....
You can not feel guilty about it. she is a grown up...and I know it is hard to leave your mom but you have to grow up now. you can call her everyday. send her presents, write. that will give her lots to look forward to untill she make new friends and new things to do.

Answer 7

this is a hard one. How far away is the town ? think about taking her with you, if that don't work . work out a plan with her to see her on your days off.

Answer 8

Have you spoken to her about it? You may be surprised at her reaction. She may decide to closer to you. You never know. You have to realize one thing, she is your mother, and she was here and survived long before you came into the picture. Don't underestimate her. Talk with her.

Answer 9

I agree with Sweet Suzy.....there's nothing to keep her where she is.....so take her with you.

Answer 10

Take her with you.