What does this mean?

Question

Recently my husband opened a checking account that he kept hidden from me. I found out when I noticed a regularly occurring deposit had not been deposited into our joint account and researched where the money had gone. He says it's because he wants to save money and that he wasn't really trying to hide it because he knew I would get the pay statement. However, he's made sure this is not a joint account and I have no access to this account. I don't believe it's about saving money, because that's not a real issue in our marriage. I'm afraid it's about him wanting to spend money and not wanting me to find out what he's spending the money on. How should I handle this???

In response to some of the responses. My husband and I have equal access to our joint account. Neither of us has to ask to purchase anything, so if he wants something he can just buy it. Secondly, my husband and I aren't gift buying people, so I know that it's not because he wants to purchase something for me. Also, this was money that he earned, but up until now, money that we both earn goes into a joint account. I have asked to be placed on the account and he says there's no need. I don't have any other suspicions that would lead me to believe my husband is cheating on me. I just don't know. I wish I understood. If it was just about saving some money for whatever, why wouldn't he allow me to access the account or tell me about it?

Again, we don't have a savings issue and frankly are spending is quite normal; kids, bills, house, etc. I agree with one response, my husband should see that this makes me feel uncomfortable, not because he wants to save money, but because of the way he went about it. I am not concerned about the account itself, I am concerned about his wanting to keep it private.

Answer 1

* Golddigger. For God's sake, let him have his pin money. It's not as if he's siphoning off half the marital funds.
Try thinking of it this way: "It's none of my damn business."

Answer 2

A marriage is two people there is not much mine is mine and yours is yours. It should be ours.. If he is really wanting to save then he should of talked to you about it without opening a checking account. Why open a checking account if the account if to save money only, why not just open a savings account. I would talk to him about what he did and how it made you feel and request that you be put onto the account. There is no reason that he shouldn't put you on it if he is telling the truth. Hiding anything from your spouse is not a good idea, it creates doubts and trust issues.

Answer 3

Tell him your thoughts on the whole thing and your feelings about it. Let him know you are worried about what he wants to spend the money on. It is not fair for him to have this account. You both should have access to all income. This is very selfish and underhanded of him to open this account with out your knowledge or your okay. Basically, I'd say he is stealing from you and totally disrespecting you. Secrets mean something is not right. I bet he thought you wouldn't find out about it.

He may be cheating on you, and has done this to spend money on the other woman. It happens everyday to couples.

He would be upset if you had done this to him. Believe it.

Answer 4

As long as you have no reason to suspect he is cheating, accept his answer, then start your own savings account. I see absolutely no reason why every single dime in a marriage has to be jointly owned anyway. That way, you each have your own money to play with or save. Just make sure the joint account is in good standing so the shared bills are taken care of.

Answer 5

If everything was on the up and up he would tenderly explain to you so you wouldn't stew about it. If he's your husband, his first priority is to alleviate your fears. Sure, he can have his own money, but your fears should prompt him to show you the statement and put the issue to rest. Otherwise, it will be on your mind all the time. I don't think you need to slam your fists on the table. Just say, "honey, this whole shaky feeling I have will go away if you just share the information with me". Surely he wouldn't want you to be in a quandry, would he ? If he refuses to divulge, I think the answer is clear.

Answer 6

As long as the bills are getting paid why does it matter what he is spending his money on? If you trust him with both telling you the truth and managing his own money then there really shouldn't be an issue.

Answer 7

Maybe you spend too much money and don't know how to save so he feels the need to take matter's into his own hands.

Answer 8

I think that's ok....to have some of your own money...money you can spend without having to explain or ask permission from someone...right?...and besides he did work for that money...so it's actually his money...aren't you glad he's giving you part of the money he earns? you should be thankful for that...love your husband...you should think about his needs too.
I'm guessing...maybe he didn't tell you about it cause ... he knows you'll react just like the way you are reacting right now.

Answer 9

Who earned it?? I have observed men who turn the pay check over to the wife and then she spends it all, and they don't have money enough to buy gas to go to work, Sad isn't it, but a man should be able to buy himself a cup of coffee, a beer , or what ever , and not have to ask his wife for money to pay for it with. Maybe, that's why he did. I don't know I don't live with you.

Answer 10

Take his answer... and tell him that you want to know exactly what it is for... but don't pry... and if he starts to get in your face then just say you want to talk later in a calm and rational way...