Father being difficult?

Question

Am in new relationship with partner who is going thru divorce/seperation, and custody etc. Every time he has the kids, (2nd weekend), he constantly abuses(verbal,) her in front of kids, and this is making the kids lives a mess emotionally. He wont respond to n e lawyers letters for settlement, custody or n e thing.. I know we have to take alot of this to court to get it settled, but is thier any other way we can get immediate action to resolve this???? Emotional blackmail, and constant bettering of mind games are his forte'. Some times he takes one child and not the other, other times he goes holidaying for 5 weeks straight and then thinks he is entitiled to that loss of custody.. She is trying to be as accomodating as possible, so it's favourable in court, is this the way to go??? Any advice would be greatful. Thanks

Answer 1

Document, document, document. Maybe she could even get someone to videotape her drop-offs -- he might be kinder if he knows he's being taped. ALSO, any requests to alter custody arrangements should be written and signed.

Really, you need to talk to a lawyer about this. And possibly a psychologist. It's one thing to be accomodating -- it's another to let the kids be battered and bruised emotionally. It's tough enough of a time. She should write him a letter asking him to tone down the abuse, and work with her for the sake of the kids. She should show it to at least two friends before sending it (they can tell her if it's too unbalanced), and keep a copy for herself. Also, keep any responses. Ask him to put those responses in writing, too. Slowing down to write something may make him more thoughtful about what he's really doing.

My two cents, only. YMMV.

I disagree with the above. The point isn't to trick him -- it's to make him behave better. If he knows he's being documented, maybe he will act better. But, he's the father, and he does have some rights in this situation. It's not some sort of stupid game to BEAT him, but an effort to make life better for everyone involved. Including him, much as it may stick in your craw. Try and be generous -- but do draw some boundaries and stick to them.

Answer 2

Tell her to document everything.. including times, dates and reactions from the kids. Submit that in court but do not tell him what you're doing. You don't want him to be prepared with excuses.