Is it Divorce Time?

Question

So, we have been married since 2004. I have two children from a former relationship (ages 9 and 14) and they do love him dearly. He has continually lied to me - though the early years are just retrospect.
His first lie when when he flunked out of college and pretended to still go for 3 months. He slept on his parent's couch for that time. He then lied about a DUI and lost his license. He then lied about paying his car insurance and getting another violation. No car for another year and beaucoup legal fees.
He then lied about his paychecks, bill paying, etc. I finally took over his paycheck and started paying all bills.
He then opened up accounts without my knowledge, charged items, etc. and then defaulted. His parents EVEN co-signed. Unbelieveable!
Now, the payments I have given him for his car payment have gone missing for the last few months. This is something that he has promised to be responsible about and stop lying to me about.I hink this is a deal breaker.

Answer 1

I think there are some serious issues here. First things first. Protect yourself and your children. Try to put aside some money for the next few months to a year. Your own private little nest egg. Talk to your spouse about your feelings, but don't expect him to change, because he won't. Get counseling...for yourself. It will help you deal with all you have been through. Be a good support to your children. Take this time to adjust to the idea of living without him. It will make it easier when the time comes. Don't let on to him...he won't help take care of you or the kids when the time comes, no matter what he says, his actions have proven otherwise. When you are ready, you'll know. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

Answer 2

If this laundry list of discretions is true (and there is no reason to assume they all couldn't be) then the real questions is, why so many second chances to be a door mat for a guy that can't get his act together?
If you had a friend that told you her husband had done all these things to her, would you tell her to stick with it? Yes, the kids like him, but do they need this guy as a role model for what a man should be? More over, is it worth it to keep someone around who obviously can't stop taking advantage of people, just to remain in a relationship?
I'm sure your husband has some good traits too, but until he can be the man you and your children deserve, its time to start proceedings.

Answer 3

Get out before it gets any deeper. The longer you stay the harder it is to leave. And in the meantime, he can be running up debts that you will be responsible for half of when you do divorce. Happened to me after 22 years of marriage. He had done it before with the credit cards, and we had to refinance everything. My final straw was when my check got garnished for bills he didn't pay. I know he had a few cards, but didn't have a clue the $$$ amount. Found out through my lawyer, $62,000 debt. And $22,000 tax debt that he told me he had filed and paid 3 years ago when we sold some property. And I get to pay 1/2 of this. So, get out now. And hope there are no surprises you don't know about. Good Luck!

Answer 4

From what you say, it's obvious he doesn't want to tell the truth. I'm sure you've asked your self the question "why does he lie"? Your trust in him has been destroyed. Do you think he'll be honest with anything else? It doesn't appear that way.
You've gone the extra mile by giving him payments for his car; but that seems to have gone by the wayside.
Close the bank; he'll drain you.
If he's lied to you about these sorts of things, he'll lie about other things. Once trust has been broken, there isn't much left.

Answer 5

I think that you should sit him down and talk about all the lies he has been telling you. After awhile of talking about it you should bring up the subject of you being tired of his lies and offer the divorce. Then you can tell him he needs to shape up or the relationship is over. But if you truly love him and he truly loves you he would do anything to make you stay with him and not get the divorce. Trust me I have been their when I was a kid I had a stepdad that was nice and kind and loved me and my siblings I was hurt when he and my mother got divorced so I would think about the children and how they will be affected also. Just think about ok.

Answer 6

He is so wrong for lying to you....you do not deserve to be treated that way, especially by the one person that you're supposed to trust unconditionally.

There has to be a reason that he feels the need to lie. Talk to him (calmly) about what that might be. Tell him that you are there for him, good or bad - but the lies have to stop.

If after you feel that you've tried everything in your power to save your marriage and are absolutely sure that you want a divorce - then do so.

He is lucky to have you.

Answer 7

A freedom or a precise is a state granted permission to do something interior of a undeniable means that they later set with courtroom circumstances. that's a shaggy dog tale. All of politics is a shaggy dog tale. Telling somebody they're allowed to be unfastened isn't actual freedom and is even worse being a entire perversion of what a precise or freedom truly is.

Answer 8

I had an aunt who went through something similar, she did end it with a divorce and i don't want to be the one to tell you yes leave him,but think of it this way do you really want to support someone who constantly lies to you,and started from the begging,, or do you want someone who takes care of you and helps support you . Think how happy you really are now and how much happier you could be with someone else,and maybe better in-laws.

Answer 9

First of all the man you married you found out you cant trust him because, he lies and than you allow him to pay your bills well something is wrong with you also. You married this man so the choice is yours not mines.

best lo luck

Answer 10

If you can't trust each other with family finances, how can you trust him to be faithful to your family. Missing money is a sign of drugs or other bad business. Take a break and insist he clean up his act before he gets to come home.