Anyone mad at their mother for staying with your alcholic father. ??

Question

I want to see my kids point of view.
my hub. is a weekend drinker, he's not abusive in any way, its just annoying to see him laid out on the couch when we wanna go out. kids r 10-8-2

I don't want them to hate me in the long run. So if anyone has/had an alcoholic parent growing up how did it make you feel toward the parent that accepted it. ?

Answer 1

What children want, is to have both their parents. Even as adults, we are happy to be able to have mum and dad under the same roof.
Children of divorced couples, hope for a long time for their parents to get back together, even when they like their step parent. It's just natural.
So, it doesn't quite sound like your hubby is an alcoholic, since he can manage to keep it to the weekend only. It sounds more like to him, the weekend is his time to be bad.
YOU need to talk to him and make him realize that when he might think that he's due some time off, that the children too want the same. The whole week, like him, they work at school, they try as much as him to be good, but at the weekend, they want to be the centre of attention. They want to be spoilt, to be taken into consideration; They need their parents to take time out for them.
And, last but not least, you too wants the same.
So, when it's ok that the odd weekend, he relaxes, possibly to the point of passing out on the sofa, which is neither a pretty sight nor a good example for the children, you could live with it, you need him as a huband and the children need him as a dad. The weekend is a family time.
I'd doubt very much that your children would be angry with you for not dumping him.
Children like security and routine.
So, if there's no fights, no arguments, and the way they see it, he's peacefully sleeping on the sofa, then they might not even understand why you wanted him to leave!!!
What you need to do, is to confront him and take him to marriage counselling so that he can face and remember his responsibility as a dad and a husband.
Those don't go away every weekend!

Answer 2

I had an abusive alcoholic father and hated it. Could never understand why my mother stayed and put me in harms way all the time ( he and i started fighting when i was about 10 and eventually it lead to fistfights). When i left home, i had a small sister who was only 5 or 6 and asked my mum again to leave him and come to live with us, but she never would. I understand now that she actually liked things this way, when he was drunk she did not have to answer to anyone and could tell him the next day pretty much anythign had happened the day before - he never remembered.
Your situation sounds different though, i have just left my husband and am still upset about it, i have 3 kids too - 10-12-14. One of the issues for me was my husband was indifferent to the members of his family. He didn't drink, but was always "laid out on the couch" as you say. We never went anywhere or did anything and he rarely spent anytime with the kids or spoke to them other than to tell them to behave or be quiet as he was watching tv. There were actully a few arguments between him and the 2 oldest, where they said they hated him in the anger of the moment.
Do you love your husband? Have the kids actually made comments regarding his behaviour? Are you with him because you love him or becasue you don't know any different? As i said i left my husband and my kids have just kept going as normal. They all had a moment of upset when they realised their dad was gone, but they never really spent time with him anyway and things are much more relaxed and happier in the house now, we do more things together.
My husband visits on a Saturday and would you beleive he drives 1 1/2 hrs to visit and then - "lays out on the couch" for 1-2 hours with a few sentences shared between himand the kids and then leaves. One day he even fell asleep on the couch.
Kids are very resillient, but also sponges, i beleive that we all grow up and take on some of the aspects of our parents lives - whether we want to or not, you need to decide what you want for your kids.
If you love your husband, then try to work things out, counselling may help, even if he doesn't want to go, it may help you make a decision about what is right for you and kids.

Answer 3

My mother was the alcoholic and my dad took me from her. For years I was resentful towards her for not being there, for not being able to stop and be mommy. I grew out of it. However you say he is only a weekend drinker and he is not abusive in any other way. Maybe you can come to a compromise with him by doing something with you and the kids early in the weekend and then he can get drunk and pass out on the couch after he has been a dad and husband for the day. Remind him that his kids will never be this age again and he is missing opportunities he will never have again.

Answer 4

My father was an alcoholic thew out the years when I grew up and my experience was hard to see what he went through. I can say that when you have a parent who drinks most of the time they tend to neglect the kids and miss out on family get togethers. I all ways Feard my alcoholic father as a child growing up. That's not a way to be a roll model in any way.

Answer 5

You just have to leave him at home and do things with just the four of you. the oldest kids may get upset if you leave him but if you do things with them on the weekend they will be more upset with him for not being there for them and with them. Perhaps he will see then what he is missing and try to not drink to that extent or get help for his drinking, or the kids will start to tell you to kick him out since he never does anything with them.
By doing things with the kids yourself on weekends you have a reason so keep telling him to get help so he can be a part of that. Also, if you are doing things together on the week end and he isn't there, if you do get annoyed to the point of filing for divorce they will understand a lot better I think your reasons for doing that. Good Luck!

Answer 6

No matter what kind of alcoholic he is it is bad to the kids either way. I still have to deal with my mother choosing to live with an alcoholic man and he has been dead for 3 years. It is a life long battle because I had an alcoholic father.

Answer 7

I don't think it is up to the children. I think it is up to you if you want your children to be raise in that kind of a family. This is what they will be raised as. They will think that a family is normal if dad passes out on the couch and mom takes they out to do things. Is that really the way you want your children to be raised. You are the adult. It is not up to your children to say they are mad at their mom. If they do say they are mad at their mother. Then you did not raise them right. You should never hate your parents. A family should be full of love so when they grow up that is what they know. You are their teacher. Good Luck!

Answer 8

A non abusive weekend drinker... What is the problem with that? I am sure your kids would hate you if you divorced him for such a ridiculous reason. Just talk to him about getting help and cutting down if it bothers you so much.

Answer 9

it's time to go out on your person, it is your only determination. Do you have a female buddy you may stay with to share the lease? or somebody else who can placed you up till you end college. What some student loan? Banks provides you with sufficient money to pay for education and for dwelling fees so which you will get a place with roomates or a room in domicile etc. so which you have a sprint extra debt once you graduate. a minimum of you may stay your life on your person words and make your person judgements. you're an person and your dad is an abusive ahole. i'm sorry to hearken to that he has harm you so badly. i would not carry out lots wish in ever having a superb dating with him. you will possibly be able to desire to distance your self from him as quickly as you may to your person psychological well being and well-being. do no longer enable his crap make you doubt your self. he's the only with issues.

Answer 10

Depends whether or not you're enabling him. I could see a child resenting you for allowing him to follow a path of self destruction if one day it turns out they're following a self destructive path themselves.

I think they'd resent you a lot more for leaving him though. So long as he isn't an abusive person when he drinks, which it sounds like he isn't.

Everyone has their hang-ups, it's understanding of you to accept his.