My husband moved out in June of this year and ended our marriage pretty suddenly with no real reason why. He cut off the electricity, took all the money out of the bank accounts, and trated me horribly. A few weeks later he realized his mistake and tried to reconcile with me. I had started seeing someone else and I hid it from him, but did not allow him to come home or rekindle our marriage. After a few more weeks we started seeing a marriage counselor and I ended it with the other man. Now, months later, he has found out that I slept with the other man during the break up. I am no longer seeing the other man, but my husband has is making me feel guilty and threatening to leave again. Was it wrong for me to see someone else after 5 yrs of marriage, or is he to blame by walking out on me? Who is to blame, and do we continue the marriage?
2007-11-03 08:54:17 · 19 answers · asked by Cynthia P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, he's a fine one to ask for explanation. Did he ever give you an acceptable one for what he did???
He seemed to me that what he considers fine for him isn't for you.
He's got no business to judge you.
He was the one to leave you, in that horrible manner.
He should be grateful you gave him another chance.
He should count his blessing that you ended it with the other person.
No, you both made a mistake, but he was the one to start the entire thing.
So, I'd say that if he wants a future with you, then he has to draw a line on the past and to communicate with you.
As for you, if you still love him, then you hang on there, but don't let him make you a push over or make you feel the guilty party.
He had only what he deserved!!!
2007-11-03 09:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Did you ever wonder why he walked out on you with no real reason why? Then was mean enough to make sure you had no electricity. Then took all the money out of the bank. I would put bets on he was the first to be a cheat. It did not work out the way he thought and the only place to go was back home. I believe by the way he is acting that he did the cheating while he was living at home and that is why he left. I would run because he will prob. do it again. Sounds like he is already looking for an excuse. The blame? I would blame him for thinking all should be forgiving after he almost threw you out on the streets and didn't care. Run!
2007-11-03 09:10:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
He's to Blame!! He left you high and dry not even a hint that you both might get back together someday and then what does he expect from you, to sit around and wait for something that might not happen. When someone leaves like that you would think it's over for good. Might have been better to stay with the other guy you were seeing. It's not like you cheated on your husband, so I wouldn't feel guilty about that, It's his fault, and those are the consequences that he has to deal with now. Really he's the one that made that decision for you anyway, so don't you feel guilty, it's not your fault and if he's always going to be on your case about his mistake, then that's not fair to you, Divorce just might be the answer. Good Luck!!!
2007-11-03 09:14:33 · answer #3 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You've got some serious problems in this marriage. First of all, his leaving you was cruel and viscious. Second, 3 weeks? Seems a bit hasty to me. And then a few weeks later you are in marriage counselling to save your marriage?
There is a lot of brinkmanship here - ulitmatums and bad behaviour. Lots of blame to go around - but this is not a good place to focus.
You both need to decide for yourselves if you have any interest in remaining married to the other (I'm going to go with "probably not" based on the behaviour of each of you) and then go from there.
2007-11-03 09:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by banana6464 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What matter is 'right now'; not what he or you did previously. You two went to counseling, decided to make a new start and that means leaving all the 'baggage' from the past where it belongs. His ego is hurt; he'll get over it. You were hurt by feeling abandoned. Work on trusting each other again; not the things you can't change
2007-11-03 10:55:34 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your mind, a person you had loved for several year pulls out on you. Regaurdless of if he treated you badly or not- He ended it. Obviously you are attractive and also was needing someone to be there for support. For him to have ANY judgement on you is rediculous. You don't just up and leave your woman without going to some others house. (If you get my drift)You be strong. See if its worth the commitment, but if he is holding things over your head- kick him to the curb.
2007-11-03 12:01:38 · answer #6 · answered by froglady972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no who to blame, both party are at fault, it takes two hands to clap. However, the important point is how do you continue the marriage building back the trust etc and not pursuing on the who's-at-fault. If both of you are still in love with each other and so my view is to continue the relationship. Building up the trust and love from the basic again. Love and decision is in your hands, let bygones be bygones. it's pointless recalling e past but look forward on how to create a TOMMORROW
2007-11-03 09:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
He walked out on you, left you with no money, shut off your electricity and treated you horribly and he is making you feel guilty? Do not feel quilty for what you did. You were deserted and left high and dry. Did he expect you to sit there and cry over him? Nothing is wrong with you for going out with another man when your husband walked out on you. He left and I am sure that you thought that you were on the road to divorce. I could not continue this marriage. I could not trust someone again that did that to me. Did you find out why he left? Was there another woman? You need to decide if you can live your life wondering if and when he will walk out on you again and leave you broke. If you do decide to stay with him you need to make sure that you have some of your own money and your own bank account so you are not left like that again. Good luck.
2007-11-03 09:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by kim h 7 · 3⤊ 4⤋
men always want to be forgiven if they do something wrong or they blame us for their mistakes! my hubby had an affair, i moved out,kids and all! then he realized his mistake and begged me to come back, like a idiot, i did, now i regret it so much, he walked out on you girlfriend! how do you know he wasn't doing the same thing! usually when men move out like that there is a woman involved! if u love this man try to work it out, but if he throws your secret rondevue in your face every time u have an argument, it's not worth it girl, move on!
2007-11-03 09:04:49 · answer #9 · answered by gurlynmgurl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it was during your break and you stopped seeing him, that is totally okay. He is the one who walked out on you. Had he never left, you never would've been with the other man.
3 weeks does seem a bit hasty, but what's a lonely depressed woman to do? You just wanted a rebound f*ck!
2007-11-03 09:09:10 · answer #10 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋