ex wife/gf problems?

Question

i am seperating from my wife and have an amazing gf that i love and i am loved back. we have a great relationship. i also have 2 kids from the previous marrige... my gf keeps telling me to keep my chats with the ex minimal b/c it hurts her feelings... i cant do that b/c it would end up hurting the kids.... i agree with her that some of the things my ex would say to me or moves she'll make or even msgs she'd send are inappropriate she obiously is tryig to ruin my relationship but my point is that my gf should trust me enough to know i am only doing this 4 my kids.....what do i do? say? whats fair here...?

Answer 1

I am also divorced and I can tell you this from experience. If you love your girlfriend then love her and only her. Your children have nothing to do with how long and how you talk to their mother. If anything it will hurt the children. Because all children want their parents to get back together. You are only hurting and your girlfriend by talking long, making moves, and even the msgs. Don't allow that to happen. You are hurting more than your girlfriend. Keep it short to the point, get you children and have a great time with them. If your ex tries to make it a long conversation, just tell her you have to go now you have a busy day. Msgs...you should egnore. Moves you should move away. Even say something. You ex might has a part of your childrens lifes but she is no longer a part of yours.

Answer 2

You need to let your ex know, in front of the gf, that some of the messages she sends are inappropriate and that they will not be tolerated. Also that you are more than happy to talk to her when it involves the kids only and she should not call for any other reason. You need to stick with this policy at all times. If she calls you just to chat then ask her if there is something about the kids she would like to discuss. If she says no then tell her that you have to go and get off the phone. Stick with this and she will get the idea that you have moved on and that she is not the important person here that the kids and your new gf are the priorities in your life. This will help to put your gf at ease.

Answer 3

You need to have a chat with your ex-soon to be wife and tell her where to get off. Let her know that you have moved on with your life and have found someone that you love and that it is about time that she do the same, instead of trying to make your life with your gf miserable. -Remind her that is why you and her are getting a divorce in the first place.
(Let you gf listen on the other line so she can witness first hand that you do not want nothing to do with your ex. It will give comfort to her that you stood up for yourself and your gf. She will know that you told her that you didn't want anything to do with her anymore and that your only concern are the kids.

-Good luck.

Answer 4

What is fair is to only discuss the kids with the ex. I can see her point since she is trying to cause problems. She probably does trust you but it is also early in your relationship. There are a lot of people who either return to the ex or just have sex with the ex. The ex should be told that her behavior is inappropriate and you will only be discussing the kids from now on. Do not accept any behavior from her that you deem inappropriate, call her on it. You do not have to accept behavior that you do not like for the kids. It is not going to hurt the kids to make their mother act appropriately. She might also use the kids as an excuse to act any way that she wants. Do not let her. Good luck.

Answer 5

Ok you need to put down some boundries for not only the x wife but for the gf as well...

1. You only need to talk to your x wife or soon to be x wife, about the kids, and about divorce issues.
2. You need to let your gf know that right now, your still tech. her husband even though u dont live together that you are still responsible for her and the kids at this time and there are going to be issues that you need to address with her, until the divorce is final.
3. You need to not get into any "personal" discussions with ur soon to be x.. u need to keep it like a business deal relationship, u discuss the kids, u discuss anything divorce related but not about personal lives, or personal feelings.
4. You need to draw the lines now from the get go of how things are going to be in your life.. ie if she drops the kids or picks them up from your place, she doesnt need to come into your house, or ever be made to think she can call the shots in your house, if you allow her to do that now, it will cause problems down the road with ur gf or any woman u are with in the future..
5. Remember that your kids come first, do what u feel is right for you kids, and let your gf know that until you and her either move in together or until your married, that you call the shots with your kids, with out the need of her permission, but if you do move in or get married, and ur putting her in the place of "step mother" or in the "step mother role" of the house that you are going to have to respect her feelings as well.. but at this point in the game.. the fact that your still very much someones husband right now, you need to tell her she needs to back off.. u dont need your gf trying to call shots with your family if she's only a gf and not a live in, or fiance.. because if she ends up causing problems with u and your x, or you and your kids, she can leave , your still stuck with the fact that u cant make up for the problems she's caused for you and your family..

Answer 6

You should keep the conversations with your ex to a MINIMUM. In other words, you need to speak to her ONLY when it has to do with the children. Ignore messages or text messages unless they have something to do with the kids. What troubles me is that you are only seperated from your wife, not divorced. Are you sure you have given yourself enough time to heal and get through the garbage with the ex before shoving off head first into another commited relationship? My husband's ex has been a nightmare, and it was not easy for me to deal with at first. What saved us is that he respected my wishes and keeps contact with his ex to a bare minimum and does NOT let his ex make him feel guilty that he might be harming his kids by not talking to her. Sounds like the ex has a stronger hold on you than you think. It is not reasonable for you to expect your new girlfriend to feel comfortable with your ex constantly hitting on you or deliberately trying to harm your relationship. This isn't about your children, it is about her not being able to let go of the marriage, and you still feeling an obligation to her. I don't blame your girlfriend for being hurt, and you should not be in a relationship until you can be 100% for a new person.

Answer 7

Why would the length of your chats with your ex-wife affect the kids negatively? That doesn't make sense. Your ex-wife is now your business partner - your business partner in raising your kids. Your discussions should be limited to discussing business only. If you are reliving the past, listening to her beg you back, etc... then you need to tell your wife that those topics are off limits as you are only keeping things civil because you want what is best for the kids. Set limits/boundaries for your ex-wife.

You must also set limits/boundaries for your girlfriend. Tell your girlfriend that you are only discussing business with your ex-wife and that it isn't fair for your girlfriend to set time limits for business matters. Reassure her that you love her, but that you can't have her whining all the time about how long you are on the phone with your ex-wife. Tell your girlfriend that just like you have set boundaries with your ex-wfe and keeping your discussion purely about business, that you must also set boundaries with her and that you don't want to here her whine about your business. Tell her that her whining about your necessary business is destroying - not helping your relationship. Tell her you would be willing to go to counseling with her to help her get over it.

Answer 8

I think if your ex wife is acting out of line, then it's okay for you to call her on it. It's okay for you to ask her to be respectful and not send inappropriate messages that bother your girlfriend.

But as far as keeping chats minimal, that's unreasonable of your current girlfriend. She shouldn't be in this relationship if she isn't mature enough to handle you and your ex having a communicative relationship. You and your ex are co-parenting team and need to talk and meet regularly.

Answer 9

Lets see here.. you ARE cheating on your wife with this new little girl who is telling you she does not want you to hurt HER OWN feelings but .. why would that make any difference to you since you AND she obviously did not mind hurting your actual wifes feelings or your own childrens feelings???

Hah! You are just another selfish faker husband whose little girlfriend is so selfishly worried over her feelings !! and she never cared about your own wifes feelings or the feelings of your own children..and it seems you are just like her.

Why should your girlfriend "trust" you when she knows you are a defensess cheat who IS hurting your own wife and your own children???? You are not worthy of trust, man. How do you even DARE to ask the cheating girlfriend to trust you when she knows you are nothing but a cheat???? YOU DARE TO ASK WHAT FAIR IS ???????????????????

Your spouse is trying to defend HER marriage and so what she does is NOT inappropriate. YOU say your WIFE is trying to RUIN your relationship with the adultress you are copulating with????? YOU are a creep all the way to the bottom of your penile shaft. THE proverbial *****. ( So to speak ) You are both shafting your wife and children and depriving them of their rightful lives. And so is your girlfriend. Two creeps working together to ruin the life times of many people. How nice and trustworthy of you both.

Whats fair is not what you are doing to your children or to your wife. Wait til God gets hold of your buttocks. Then "fair" is going to happen.

I hope your wife gets custody and you have to pay her ten million dollars per month child support. And I hope she uses at least five million of that on counseling for all of them to help alleviate the damage you and your adulteress have caused.

But hey..you have a nice day now, creep. And say hi to your little creepette there, too. Weirdos.

Answer 10

Eek. Icky situation all around. I think the problem with your girlfriend is the lack of finality and closure between you and your ex. You're seperating? What does that mean? Are you getting a divorce? I think those divorce papers will do wonders for this situation.....