? for married couples on your weekends off family time or friends?

Question

My husband wants to see his friends over doing thing w/ our family is this the way it is in every mariage? We dont see him much b/c he works but I would like to have 1 day where it is just us and our kids am I a bad wife for being upset he chooses hunting w/ his friends on his days off over us? I do believe he deserves a day off and to have him time so dont think I am trying to make him choose frinds over me I am not.

Answer 1

I think it depends on how often he chooses his friends over his family. You're right, he does need time to just be with the guys but if he does this every weekend then you have a right to be upset and you need to talk to him about it.

Life goes by so fast and children (now more than ever) mature way too quickly so he needs to see that he's going to miss out on precious time with you and the kids. Time that he can't get back and will likely regret missing once he realizes it's too late to recapture.

Just bring up your concerns to him. I don't think he realizes how important this issue is to you and the kids so be honest and tell him how you feel. Encourage his feedback and his opinions so he doesn't feel like the bad guy and so you can both come to an understanding of each other. You should then be able to find a middle ground where he gets enough time to relax with buds but will still have plenty of time to enjoy with his family. Change may not come swiftly and you may have to talk to him again and again but so long as you are communicating and being open with each other things are sure to get better.

If all that doesn't work then you should make every effort to have fun on your own and enjoy time with your kids as much as possible. Maybe you and/or the kids can go out and have fun with their/your friends without your husband and he'll quickly realize what he's missing when you all come home with fun stories and memories that don't include him. Best of luck!

Answer 2

I do believe everyone needs some time away for doing what you want but i also feel that you should do things with your family -- i could understand if it is a hunting trip with the guys once a month but i also feel you need to have family time alot! This weekend he is totally doing things with his family then next weekend he can play with the boys or vice versa. -- i am married to a husband that works all the time also and doesn't get to spend much time at home but i think everyone needs a break from home and work -- not being the boss, employee, husband, dad. - a time to play without all the worries of that... But i also know you need times at home, a saying i always say is -- a family that plays together stays together.. if you don't like spending time with your family then why do you stay there with them at all.. i believe that family time comes first but everyone needs a break from time to time!

Editted to add... i actually try to plan ahead -- schedule time for us -- on this day or weekend we are going to take the kids here.... on this night i will get a babysitter so we can have some us time ... on this day we aren't doing anything so he can go play with his friends... if there is something he really wants to do and hasn't done it in a while then i will plan a day with just me and the kids.... its all give and take on both of us..

Answer 3

Try doing just the 3rd weekend of every month set aside for just you and the kids. This way he knows in advance what he can make plans for with his friends and what he has to set aside for just the family. You will get him for the entire weekend and he can still go hunting for the other weekends in the month. Make sure that you plan family activities around when you will spend time together to make the most of the weekend that you get him.

It is not unreasonable for you to want to share his time with him too. He just may feel overwhelmed with work and family and needs the time away.

If he knows that he will freely have this time it may help to reduce his stress a bit. It will make the time that you spend together as a family that much more special also.

Answer 4

You're perfectly normal. Don't feel bad for wanting some of his time, too. In our family, we just make time for family when possible. My hubby knows when he's been with friends too much and makes time for us. Some families are more comfortable with "Family day" where one day a week it's all about family. What I don't like about that is what if interests have a time table? Like hunting, certainly he can only do that a certain time during the year. Or with my hubby, motorcross. There's only a certain time of year that he can do that. So Im more understanding of him being gone more often during that time then during the off season. talk to him. tell him how you feel. Maybe you can come to an arrangement that is ok for everyone. Good luck!!

Answer 5

You deserve a day off as well! i hate when my man does that. They try to make you feel bad like they deserve to be away. I bet you never get to do anything without the family. Of course everyone deserves there own time. Try making a schedule. Plan things ahead before he does. If he can't put you and your family first then maybe its time you really take a look at the relationship and decide if you want to be with someone like that for the rest of your life. Good luck

Answer 6

I think you can find a compromise, sit down and talk to him and tell him you are not trying to keep him away from his friends, but that you really need him to spend some time with you two, maybe the both of you could make a deal where he spends one weekend doing the friend thing and then next weekend is for family, there is always a solution if you attack the problem with understanding and compromise, if he loves you and you explain that you understand how important friends are but that you also love him and want to spend time with him he should want to work it out ... its all about communication and the way we approach issues,
wishing you the best

Answer 7

Family comes first. If I had to choose between family time or being with my friends, I'll take time with the family. I work during the week, and I look forward to spending time with my wife and kids on the weekend.

And NO your not being a bad wife for being upset. Your right to be upset, because he needs to realize that his family must come before his friends.

Answer 8

If having the friends over every time he is off that would not work for me either. He does deserve to hunt. He does that as his "me" time. I would suggest a compromise and sometimes the friends come over and other times they don't. You could also do your alone time before or after they come over. The way men look at it is like they are multitasking. They are getting both done in one shot. My husband hunts also and Saturdays are his days to hunt all season. Don't look at it as him choosing them over you. Hunting is really not spending time with your friends. We just do our own thing during hunting season and spend more weekends together when it is over.

Answer 9

I think 1 day is not much to ask for. If he has regular 2 day weekends, he should pick one day to spend with you guys and 1 day to spend with his friends. It's understandable that he wants to spend a lot of time w/ his friends because it's relaxing, but he needs to acknowledge that you guys are his responsibility too, and keeping you happy is absolutely necessary to your marriage.

Just work on a compromise with him. Tell him that in the long run if things continue this way, you're going to feel burned out and lonely and that's not good for your marriage. Just work on a compromise w/ him and make sure he knows that you want him to have time for himself too.

Answer 10

You two should make an agreement. One day a week is family time. He gets a day and you (yes YOU!!) get a day. Everyone needs time off.

I had to tell my hubby that I needed some time off too. Kids wear you out! Take some time to do something for yourself. When was the last time you did that?