Can we distinguish between misogyny/misandry and reasoned suspicion, dislike of most men/women?

Question

Basically, is someone still a misogynist/misandrist if they only "hate" 3/4 of the opposite sex, and only in the vulnerable area of romantic relationships?
I've recently gained a new understanding of what my (awful) ex-wife used to say to me. She used to say that I hated women. I suppose that hate is just barely appropriate, but I'll accept it, with a caveat. The distinction I'd like to make is that I think it's very reasonable for sensitive men and women, most of which have been burned, to have suspicion/borderline hatred for most examples of the opposite sex, at least how the opposite sex behaves in the romantic arena.
You have to admit, most men and women are, to varying extents, incapable of a respectful relationship with the opposite sex, or at least the examples they keep ending up with.
Should someone be labeled so harshly, when all they're being is wise?

Please don't dwell on the word hatred.

Answer 1

Yes.

"The distinction I'd like to make is that I think it's very reasonable for sensitive men and women, most of which have been burned, to have suspicion"

Absolutely.

There is a term for people who don't learn from their past experiences. The term is idiot.

You can be smart enough to know that your own past experiences don't mean every new woman you meet will be like the last one, but emotionally it is hard to not to react to what has gone before.

You use the word burned and it was very well chosen. A person who has been burned once thinks twice about sticking a hand toward the fire again.

When a woman jumps and labels a guy Misogynist because he reacts with suspicion or hostility only serves to confirm his prejudice back to him (read woman for man if you prefer - it works both ways).

You can see the same point illustrated with racism. As a white who lived in a very poor and violent "black area" at university, I still carry negative reactions towards Afro-Carribean men , which no matter how I behave towards them, there is still a voice in my head that says "be careful", This does not make me a racist any more than thinking "be careful" makes you a misogynist.

We all generalize from our experiences even when we know intellectually that our generalizations don't apply to every new situation. What your head knows is not the same as your gut reaction. Those who are burned are wary of fires.

Answer 2

Hate Is Too Powerful And Strong It Can Lead Innocent Person To "AVENGE/REVENGE" Dislike Is Not That Much Powerful In Common Words Dislike Means Unlike

Answer 3

You make a good case, but only to a point.

Yes, experience is a great (If costly) teacher, but if it is your only teacher, then you cannot learn about things you have not experienced, like, as you question suggests, good people.

It is one thing to have a healthy suspicion of your fellow human beings, however, it becomes defeatist if you allow it to become outright animosity.

For example:
1)My experience with women has taught me that I must be careful and not leave myself so open to people before I really know them. I should also be more careful about choosing my potential partners. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate my criteria for attraction?

2)I've been hurt, so all women are bitches an whores!

See the difference? Here's another good one...

1) That Portwine poster seems to ask some pretty loaded questions. I wonder if he has women issues or something?

and...

2) Portwine is such a troll loser!

See the difference? One is an observation based on limited information, leaving room to improve understanding of the subject matter. Two is a sweeping statement that eliminates the ability for additional learning on the subject, thus blocking the speaker's ability to learn anything from future experiences. Reasonable suspicion applies if you are dealing with the same woman, not another, unassociated woman. Misogyny is the unilateral hatred of women.

What you are describing here is 'emotional transferral,' when you take one experience with one subject and attempt to reconcile those feelings against all subsequent subjects. That would be like polling five people from Louisiana about what food they like, and subsequently cooking with hot sauce for the rest of the world, and that is, of course, not very reasonable at all.

Answer 4

I agree that these words are so highly charged (and rightly so considering the definitions, HATRED)

I guess I can't speak for everyone but I can't say I've ever actually HATED anyone. Strong dislike maybe, the strongest of which enjoyed by the likes of Tom Leykis and Warren Farrel.

I don't know, I was raised to believe hate is self-destructive, and 9 times out of 10 it seems that those who you claim to "hate" are trying to inspire that amount of emotional involvement.

IMO the worst 'emotion' you can feel for another person, and in turn the emotion that has the most affect on the other party and not yourself? Apathy. Bloody Apathy.

Answer 5

Uh, you're saying that 3/4 of PEOPLE are incapable of respectful relationships with the opposite sex.

Then you say that you're justified in hating "most" of the opposite sex.

This doesn't follow on two grounds: concluding from your (made up) statistic that only one sex deserves to be hated is fallascious; hating any particular person on the grounds of facts of their birth that are completely unrelated to their character is bigotted.

If you're a person who always picks the wrong sort to fall for, that's a problem with YOU, not with the opposite sex. Until you deal with that problem, you'll always have it and will always be lonely and bitter.

If you were to deal with it, and heal, and come to be a human being, then you'd likely find that you'd start being more interested in those who won't break your heart.

Blaming this on people who have had nothing to do with your unhappiness is irrational and unfair.

Labeling someone who hates most members of the opposite sex deserve harsh judgment and is NOT being wise.

Answer 6

"The distinction I'd like to make is that I think it's very reasonable for sensitive men and women, most of which have been burned, to have suspicion/borderline hatred for most examples of the opposite sex, at least how the opposite sex behaves in the romantic arena."

Understandable, perhaps, for someone who has not fully healed from a relationship in which he/she has been a victim of emotional, psychological, and/or physical abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love them in ways that are healthy. Is it reasonable to perceive animosity toward 3/4 of the opposite sex after these experiences? No. But it's understandable. Once one works through these feelings, and understands why they have them, one can see that it is not reasonable to hold blameless people accountable for something that happened to you at the hands of one person.

It's not "wisdom" to be overly discriminating. You are limiting yourself greatly by your inability to trust others, and your inability to see the good things in other people. By dwelling on what negative things you think you see in others (and the assumption that they are going to do something to hurt you) - you are keeping yourself from forming new and meaningful connections to other people. It's these meaningful connections that may provide further support in your healing. You're blocking yourself from moving forward and getting beyond the hurt that you have suffered. I'm not saying you should blindly trust everyone completely, but I am saying it would be healthier for you to learn to trust again. Being cautious is healthy. But being "walled off" and suspicious of 3/4 of one gender is not. You are hurting yourself more by your isolation than you are protecting yourself from further perceived harm. A defense mechanism is only helpful when used in a healthy, adaptive way. When it is overly used, it adds to your problems instead of taking them away.

However, I would also like to point out that It is true that if you have not identified the things that have drawn you into an abusive relationship, and you have not identified what you can do to break the pattern, then it is perhaps a good idea to steer clear of forming romantic relationships until you do. Otherwise, you may find yourself right back where you came from, with someone else who is abusive toward you. And this would serve to reinforce the negative feelings that you already have toward women in general. Just be careful that you don't transfer your anger, hurt, and mistrust toward people who do not deserve to have you feel this way toward them. There are many more "good" people in the world than there are "bad." But if you have a pattern of being involved with abusive women, you need to understand how you got there. Only YOU can change this about yourself. It comes through deep introspection, observation, and sometimes therapy, if need be.

I understand how you feel. I've been there myself. You seem to be in the early stages of healing and recovery, and there is no shame in that. You seem to be beginning to understand why you've been having pervasive, negative feelings toward the opposite sex AND you have identified where they stem from. That's a major step in your own personal journey toward healing- and that's a crucial first step in the right direction.

*best wishes*

Answer 7

misogynist (n) - anyone who criticizes women. In this culture, it is not cool to criticize women, gays, jews, or blacks. So even if you have a point, people look at you as an ***...