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Hi, I have recently split up from my husband and now my neighbours ex has shown a lot of interest in me he keeps calling me, he lived with her for 6 years and whilst he lived with her he told me that he had strong feelings for me (her and I understandably dont get along she really hates me). He left her 2 years ago and hasn't seen her since. I have always regarded him as a friend but to say I'm not attracted to him would be a lie. He is calling me every weekend wanting to come over but I feel sory for my neighbour as she still loves him and I have just split up from my husband and don't want to go on the rebound.. it would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't so lonely and I didn't find him so attractive! Should I let him into my life or is it still too soon?

2007-11-03 07:05:41 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

By the way I hardly know the neighbour and have never liked her she is horrible woman and we have NEVER been friends!!! She lives 2 doors away from me not next door!

2007-11-03 07:10:51 · update #1

Hi Dvine i know she is horrible cos she was really nasty to my little girl in the street for doing nothing on many occasions and I know she is a liar cos she tried to cause trouble between me and another neighbour! Desperate Housewives or what?!

2007-11-03 07:35:07 · update #2

53 answers

I just made the mistake you're about to make, and it ended in disaster. It's too soon. In addition, you'll probably have trust issues eventually if he told you he like you when he was with your neighbor. You'll start to wonder what he tells other girls while he's dating you. Anyhow... take a year off. I know it's hard, but you need to re-find yourself. Marriage tends to blur the lines around who we are whether we realize it or not. Heal from your divorce for at least a year.

2007-11-03 07:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by thestonerbunch 2 · 1 0

Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could easily do the thing we know is the right thing to do? No, the wrong thing to do is always way, way too attractive. You are tempted to do the wrong thing; the wrong thing on many levels. The right answer is an emphatic NO! You know that too. The problem is though, that if you keep hanging around the temptation, sooner or later, in a season of weakness and loneliness, you will give in. You know the right thing to do, but a part of you wants to wreck your life for the pleasure of a now experience. Make yourself go cold turkey. This guy may have the hots for you, but that is only skin deep. This is bad news girl. You will do well to escape. Tell him that you are not interested in him in that way. Don't ever tell him otherwise or you will have him in your life. How long do you think that relationship would last after all the cookies are eaten? Be smart and take a pass.

2007-11-03 07:18:04 · answer #2 · answered by pshdsa 5 · 1 0

Seems like you will be in for a lot of drama. Move first, then try dating this guy.

If you are not over your ex-husband though you might want to wait a while before you start dating again. Also, it's probably better for you to just 'date' in a non-serious kind of way before jumping right into a relationship. However, I understand how the heart and the mind (and other parts) don't listen to each other, so save yourself some trouble move first and then see what happens. If you can't move, don't get involved. Your home will become a place of stress if you do bring this guy into your life while living there and there is no point in that.


PS-She could live down the street it doesn't matter, she'll find out and if she already hates you that will make it worse. I've known women who have been into fights and taken to court for things like this. Honestly, you are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt.

2007-11-03 07:10:48 · answer #3 · answered by Quest4questions 6 · 1 0

I would recommend that you tell him you aren't ready yet. You have recently left your husband and entering into a relationship at this time would probably doom it in some way.

You then might look into some sort of counseling. I'm not saying you are damaged, but seeing someone could help you discover any problems (if they exist) about the breakout with your husband and be ready to move on. Then you could start seeing this man at a later time when you are ready.

As for your neighbor - I'd do one of several things.
1) move. If that isn't feasible (probably not), then other options
2) tell her that you are going to see him. You might try to not have him visit your home until this relationship has moved to a stronger level. If it only lasts a few dates, then why go through the problems associated with angering her with his pressence next door.
3) Talk to him about what sort of feelings he has for you. you have both had a failed marriage. Make sure you are both looking at this relationship in the right light. You don't want either of you (or both of you) to repeat the same mistake.

Good luck.

2007-11-03 07:13:01 · answer #4 · answered by Ray M 6 · 1 0

why not??

you are single, he is single - what stops you from being together?

the only thing I would consider is your emotional ties with your husband. You may just be feeling lonely because he is not around, rather than being attracted to this guy.

but even so, there is nothing wrong to fall for a person at all. Now that you two are singles, there is no reason to stop you from seeing each other and be friends. I would be more cautious though if he wants to stay over the weekend unless you are committed to each other.

Good luck.

2007-11-03 11:17:09 · answer #5 · answered by Ruth 3 · 0 0

well, listen girl. your already telling us and yourself that your not interested so why dont u let this guy down easy and say your not interested in a relationship or anything else for that matter. Be forward and never be home when he calls. Your to busy. A rebound relationship always sucks. Give it some time and get your act together. As time goes by, make time for yourself and get out and meet people. Thats the way to do it.

2007-11-03 07:10:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Hi, Funky. Everyone needs healing time after a break-up, but the best thing to do with that time is to find someone to have a meaningless, disposable relationship with. It makes you happier, helps the person you split up with realize that you aren't coming back, and helps the pain of the break up heal more quickly. From your perspective I'd say go ahead, but realize that it'll probably be a rebound relationship so don't get strongly attached to him and don't expect it to work out long-term.

From his perspective, he's obviously entirely out of that relationship. I don't see a problem. You might want to arrange to meet him somewhere nowhere near your neighbor, but really what makes you happy is none of her business.

2007-11-03 07:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by Mythological Beast 4 · 0 0

Wow that is one heck of a situation but be up front with him tell him your not looking to hook up you would like to be friends and see what happens from there, He may be looking for a friend as well and if you looked at him as a friend in the past then what is the harm... She may still love him but that is something she will have to get over if he doesn't feel the same way. Becareful in how you deal with this situation most important thing is to be honest with everyone involved.

2007-11-03 07:13:10 · answer #8 · answered by sarah w 3 · 0 0

they say you should wait at least one year before you get into anything new after a divorce. where as people are supposed to go on with there lives after a split, your neighbor my black out completely if she catches you with someone she still has feelings for. that could be quite dangerous cause you hear every day about domestic violence and three way triangles of ex(s). better think long and hard about this one and be sure youre not on the rebound. after all, how many guys live in your town and you have to pick the ONE who is your neighbors ex?

2007-11-03 07:11:36 · answer #9 · answered by bebop_music 5 · 1 1

Wow, this sounds somewhat similar to my situation. My neighbor and I have now been together for almost 5 years now and just recently moved into a new home that is "ours". We started seeing each other shortly after I kicked my ex husband out and he moved in next to me with a relative after him and his ex divorced.

I love living with him but I do have to admit, sneaking back and forth between each others houses at all hours was a little fun!!

However, don't get yourself into something that you may not be ready for. It sounds like you are very hesitant about it so maybe you should stick to your instincts and not jump into anything just yet.

GOOD LUCK!!

2007-11-03 07:17:51 · answer #10 · answered by Jerribear76 4 · 0 0

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