kissed old girlfriend the other day I met for lunch.. never kissd another woman in 16 years of marriage. guilt

Question

I want to be clear, I have not had an adulterous affair with another woman, but I very well could, just so confused..

I have always loved my wife as a partner, but this old girlfriend, she was also the last girl I kissed outside of my current wife, has always driven me to the heights of passion and I feel that stronger sexual connection with her than I ever have with my wife and the connection has always been deeper. I love my wife, I love who she is, my wife truly is a good person, but I just am not in passionate love with my wife and probably haven't been for a very long time. Heck, we have 2 kids.. Going down this road would be very costly (in so many ways).. I just don't know what to do.. I want passion in my life that I have never had with my wife, but I don't want to hurt everyone else to get it..

Again, please note there has been no sexual adultery here, I would have already walked out the door if there had been, it would not be fair of me to stay.

That said,

I am getting the inlaws to take care of our kids tonight and my wife and I will need to have serious discussion about us and where we are heading. That there are some serious issues we need to address (not just me, not just her, but both of us) to ensure that our marriage remains viable and lovefilled for the rest of our lives.

I do believe I have been blessed by being with such a wonderful woman and do not want to have that end due lustful feelings that could be tempered by my just not seeing this woman or talking or texting with her.

I do appreciate all the responses to my question, that is the reason I asked. Thank you for your insight. You reaffirmed my direction; addressing the issues with my marriage relationship, seeing if those can be addressed, and then moving forward after that, no matter which way that is.

Answer 1

i think you should be with the person you want to be with...but you are goin to hurt alot of people if you go with your ex...i met my husband and he was married...hes ex wife had controlled the day they had sex it had to be once a week and only on Saturdays..he was goin crazy until he meet me and we had so much passion..he couldn't live with out me but he had a daugther...we've been married for 5 years and have a 3 year old...he loves me soo much but lost hes daughter and hasn't seen her in 4 years...he says hell do it all over again . you only live once. so i think if you really love this woman then you should tell your wife as soon as possible.

Answer 2

This probably won't get best answer, but it is true and what I think. You should feel guilty. What if your wife did the same thing, how would you really feel?
There had to be a reason you and your ex broke up.
Remember the vows with your wife, in front of friends, family and God. Commitment, sickness, health, better or worse, until death do you part.
Passion, big deal, that is only sexual and that is not what marriage is all about, think that through. What if you couldn't even preform? And that happens often.
If you decide to divorce your wife you will Carry the guilt with you and face the financial situations and the disrespect of the children down the road.
You are being selfish, think of your wife, you are suppose to love her as yourself according to the Bible.......xx

Answer 3

Look, there is a reason you are not with the old girlfriend in present times and you are instead with your wife. If it were meant to be you would have married this old flame. Stop being around her, or you will end up having an affair. And then it will be too late and you will have already have hurt your family. Men get turned on by variety, its natural, and sexual chemistry happens sometimes with more people than others. Thank God my husband and I burn hot for each other in that department, I couldn't imagine him desiring someone else. Get the ex out of your life, she's an ex...remember your marriage vows. You even kissed her? I wouldn't have tolerated that if I were your wife. A kiss is serious. Get a grip on your manhood and get a life.

Answer 4

If you felt this with this other woman, you shouldn't have ever married your wife. You have alot of responsibilities now. You have a great wife and kids. You don't know the pain you would put these kids through, and that would be so unfair to your wife. She truley loves you, and gave you 2 beautiful kids and 16 years of her life. If you want this passion, you need to spice up your life with your wife, not cheat on your wife and tear your family apart. Maybe you should seek help from counseling. You are also feeling this because being with this girl would be something new, but don't you think that the passion would eventually leave to once the relationship got old. You should feel really guilty about kissing this girl. You cheated on your wife. You shouldn't have ever went out to lunch with this girl. And yes it would be very costly to get divoriced expecially if her attorney finds out that you were leaving for another woman that you were having an affair with. Think of how hurt your kids and wife will be. If you go through with this, you are truley selfish.

Answer 5

You can try to rekindle some passion with your wife, you just have to make an effort and as long as she is open she may actually surprise you! It sounds like you have a solid marriage and family and it may be risky to lose it all.

You may think things will be better with this other person and they may be for a little while. Things will change and once you are back in the regular swing of life things may settle and not be as passionate.

On the other hand a lot of people really miss out on life and its true that you only live once. But is hurting someone worth your need for passion. I am on the fence here.
Maybe you could have a short fling...but you have to be prepared in the event you get caught.

whatever you decide just be careful. Life is short and you have to live it to the fullest.

Answer 6

Good! Your feeling guilty for a good reason. Don't get how you can proclaim to love your wife so much and disrespect her at the same time. You say your not cheating, but kissing another woman and spending time with her is cheating. Imagine your wife doing this to you behind your back. Try to consider her and your kids before your selfishness. Right now you're probably feeling smug that someone you used to date still attracted to you. Think about how many lives you're destroying. You need to resolve whatever issue you have with yourself. Your wife deserves that passion that your holding on to for this other woman. Put all your energy and efforts into making your marriage better and you'll get the passion your looking for.

Answer 7

First, thank you for being so honest. I beg you not to go further with this girlfriend. My husband hooked up with his old girlfriend at a party and they ended up in bed together. It is very dangerous territory to tread on.

I believe you truly love your wife and can bring the same passion into your marriage. Take the experience with the old girlfriend as a 'wake up call' for you and wife to have a heart-to-heart discussion. Bring back the love and passion you two once felt for each other; it is still there underneath all the every day ups and downs in life. That old girlfriend, if she was a friend; would not ever have allowed you close enough to kiss her and would be directing you back to your wife; not toward her.

Answer 8

It is exciting to think that you can have sex with another person that is not your wife. It might be a good passionate moment. BUT are you willing to hurt your family just for a few minutes of passion????. You said it YOURSELF "going down that road would be very costly".. So why are you even thinking to betray the people who loves you.
Now what you can do is talk to your wife and tell her that you guys need to work something out to bring more passion into your lives.... try to go out on dates, try different things with her, have someone to watch your kids. I'm sure there was fire in your relationship once it's just a matter of doing the best you can to bring it back.

Answer 9

CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER!

Sorry kiddo..but you already committed adultery! YOU KISSED another woman. Now...I betcha you didn't call wifey up to tell her did ya?

Put some ice down your pants and get over yourself! You have a wife and two kids that didn't ask for daddy to have a mid-life woe-is-me crisis!

Don't tell your wife this b.s. just take the kids to grandmas and then put on some "barry white the icon is love" and scoop her into your arms. you can think of this trollup while you try to rekindle what you already committed your and two childrens lives to!

Make your wife feel like she is the only woman in the world..and she will make you feel like you are the only man!

Answer 10

Then back the HELL away!!! If you really love your wife and your children then stay away from someone who heats your blood like that. You have something with your wife that you'll never have with another woman and you should be putting your energy into that relationship rather than taking other women out and getting turned on. Physical and emotional are two different things, and if you kissed that woman you're already doing something that can hurt your wife. Don't tempt fate, take it away.

Answer 11

for there to be passion in your life it isn't the loving wife's duty to keep this happening it falls to both partners to keep it fresh and new if our relationships stayed at the same frantic pace as when they first started a lot of us would burn out . For someone that has been married as long as you have it seems to me you are still confusing sex with love and passion, whilst these go together at times a lot of people use the same excuses " she doesn't understand me anymore or the passion isn't there anymore" don't kid yourself and use these to have an affair because it doesn't wash i have 4 children and whilst we have had good times and bad being grown ups we work our way through these times and one of us always comes up with a way to remind the other why we are still together today with the love in our hearts keeping us going