I got engaged not to long ago to my boyfriend. We are both 21 and I'm going to graduate college next spring so I feel it's time for me to get married plus I've been with him for two years and I love him. I told my cousin about it and told her not to tell anyone because we wanted to annouce it at this party we were planning on having in a couple of weeks but she told her mom who told mine's and she was furious and it wasn't because I didn't tell her but because she thinks I shouldn't marry him because he dropped out of college and is working at a gas station making $8 an hour and doesn't think he is going to be able to provide for me since she expects me to quit working when I have kids but I'm not planning on it. She doesn't want me to work with kids because she says she knows how hard it is and she had to work since my dad didn't make enough money. She said I should marry someone more well off, but I don't want to and I think she's being shallow and stupid! What is her problem?
2007-11-03 06:45:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your mother is trying to show her concern for you and is worried that you will be unhappy.
You are an educated adult and can make your own decisions. If you have a good job, maybe your husband could stay home to raise the kids and take care of your home. If you have a good relationship based on love and common goals, you are lucky and should do well.
Just show your mom some love and attention and tell her to trust you.
Good Luck.
2007-11-03 07:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by ruby 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your mother's problem is her daughter.
At 21, you are still very, very young, and when you graduate college a whole new life and world will be open to you. Take advantage of it. Get a job, go out and experience life before you throw it all away. Believe me, ten years from now your viewpoints will be very different. There is NO equal sign between graduating from college and marriage. 21 is not time to get married, it is time to have a whale of a good time discovering who you are, not getting married wondering how the bills are going to get paid.
Your odds of having a successful marriage at age 21 are pretty dim. And, while your boyfriend is working, what is he doing to make a better life for himself (and you, and future little you and hims)? Graduate, get a job, and in a couple of years, see if you still want to get married to this guy; you have lost nothing by waiting. I'm sure your parents want to see you make the most of the tons of money that went into your education.
Your mother wants the best for you, and she wants better for you than she had. And, for someone aged 21, and is graduating from college, and calls her mother shallow and stupid for trying to knock some common sense into them, has a LOT of growing up to do and certainly is NOT mature enough to get married. No wonder your mother is furious.
2007-11-03 06:58:02 · answer #2 · answered by Lady S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very rude of your mom to say that about someone that you care for... Your mother being the age she is (40+ or so) should know from experience that looks are something temporary within life and should not be the focus of a relationship or else it will fail long term. A lot of mothers don't want their sons to date or find the women they do date are never good enough for their baby boy whatever. I wouldn't take what your mother has to say about your gf too seriously and just blow it off. If you like her, that's all that matters. If your mother mentions it again I would confront her with how you feel and tell her that looks are not the most important thing in the world for you when it comes to a stable relationship. Hopefully that will shut her up about the issue. BTW, sounds like a great girl! Congrats!
2016-04-02 02:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom doesn't have a problem. Even though your bf is working, mom is right. $8.00 per hour is not nearly enough to support a household. Perhaps you need to just wait a while and see if his prospects improve. Maybe after you graduate and find work things will be better, but if you have kids and have to stay home a while...again his income isn't enough.... I know money isn't everything but there are thousands of homeless people that would argue that point.
2007-11-03 07:23:35 · answer #4 · answered by Enlightened One 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you that it should be your decision. I do understand your mom's concern because she lived her life after making a similar decision.
I guess I wonder why you feel the need to marry so soon. You haven't dated much if you've been with him for over 2 years, and it might help for you to get to know yourself and what you like better by dating other guys.
Don't just get married because you want to exert your will over your mother's. It seems strange that you didn't tell her first. I realize not everyone's relationship with their mother is ideal (mine sure isn't), but it's obvious her opinion really impacts your feelings.
I wish you the very best whatever you decide.
2007-11-03 07:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but your mom is absolutely right in this one.She is not being shallow, she has more experience in life than you and just knows. Trust me after you've been married for a while you will look back and realize that your mom was right and you should have listened to her. You shouldn't work when you have kids. I find it sad that you planned on working .
2007-11-03 06:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly Smith 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mom is being shallow. She wants to set you up with a guy who makes more money than your boyfriend even though he will be a b*tch to you and your boyfriend, especially for not making enough money. Believe it or not, the rich guy will think your boyfriend is a dumb, slutty himbo of a loser.
2014-08-10 05:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by That Wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not being shallow, she's being realistic. Financial distress/arguing over money is one of the leading causes of marital misery and breakups.
2007-11-03 11:00:34 · answer #8 · answered by G.V. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋