why cant i seem to forgive my esrtanged husband for leaving our marriage after we had a baby?

Question

i feel so betrayed still. and its been a year i never seen our marriage ending even though out of the blue one day he said to me i dont want to be married anymore.i stated we just had a baby.told me that he really was never planned and we never talked about having kids.right there i knew something else was going on. i had a terrible miscarriage before we had our son and it took me a while to try to start thinking about having kids but none the less i did it and i had a beautiful baby boy. wasnt the easiest pregnacy but i kept positive we were so happy my husband and i. dont get me wrong our marriage has had its ups and downs and i stood by him through thick and thin and then one day he decides to end our marriage never gave it a second thought.i knew there was someone else but he denied it. i found out 3 months after that it was a co worker she had the nerve to send me a gift to my house when my son was born. she denied it too. just befriended a man that had nowhere to go i feel like such a ***. made me out to be the bad person. the topper is she has 2 kids and my heart broke when i caught him at her house with her and her kids while i was left alone for months with my child. i just cant understand how people can be so heartless

Answer 1

You need to go through the whole grieving process to rid yourself of this emotional burden.

Answer 2

Unfortunately you married a jerk. But that is the past, you are stuck there because you have that beautiful boy that reminds you of him and his deceit.

You have to concentrate on your son and your future. Forgiveness is freedom and you need to give yourself that.

You need to give yourself that because you deserve it and so does your son. He was not a part of your husband poor decisions and although it will be hard; holding on to your anger against him is only going to affect the one you love the most, which is your son.

Just move on and be glad that he left because when he left he also left the door open for you to find someone else that will respect and adore you.

A marriage is not too people that live together for better or for worst. Its too people that respects, and love each other in good time and bad.

Let go and give yourself the gift of freedom...Write a letter today and tell him how much he has betrayed you, and how he has abandoned you, and how much you still hurt because of his immature and deceitful nature, then cry and take a drive or a ride far away from your home and bury it. Then walk away into your future and all the good things that is going to happen because you/ve left him behind.

You must look at yourself and know that you deserve more good today than you did yesterday and believe it. If you dont believe it then get up in the morning, every morning and look yourself in the mirror. Look at you perfect face, your beautiful eyes, your perfectly shaped lips and say it about ten times, before bed and when you wake you..."I deserve more good today than I did yesterday" and dont stop this until you believe it in your heart...then the healing will begin...

and you will step into the future that is waiting for you...to just let go of the past....

Answer 3

You have every right to feel betrayed... because you were! It's not necessary to forgive a man who did these things to you. What's important is that you grow from this experience and move forward. We don't always see these things coming. Sometimes we think we know everything about the man we married. And then he comes home with a surprise. You were just one of the unlucky ones. There are so many people out there who have gone thru your situation. What's done is done. Now you have to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life being that woman he so badly betrayed and abandoned, or will you be that woman who is now better off because she is NOT with that loser who's probably going to do the same to his new family? Sure, it's going to take time. And you'll probably feel lonely for a while until you get into another relationship. Just remember that you're a good person who didn't deserve this!

Answer 4

Because you never thought in a million years that the man you married and gave your heart too would do something like that. It's called time for some therapy and to find a man thjat deserves you and will treat you right.

Another question though did you plan the baby maybe the whole idea was something he wanted or he is just an SOB.

Carry on with your life love your child and pray to the lord to heal your pains.

Best Wishes and May God Bless You.

Answer 5

You cant forgive him because he is a selfish, inconsiderate, extremely immature person. I cannot forgive your ex either, he does not deserve it. Actions should precede forgiveness, actions of atonement. You should forgive yourself take the actions to make your life good for you and baby and don't look back at the creep.

BTW, way too many people do not hold themselves accountable nor do enough people hold each other accountable for their actions to live in a society built like this. Follow the rules and get trod upon or left behind. I have decided to live by my own rules which allow me to let people know exactly how I feel and how they have affected my or our life and not keep quiet to protect peoples feelings, usually of guilt, so they wont have to face themselves.

Answer 6

Wow.. I am so sorry for your pain. I can understand how difficult it must be to try to forgive him at this point. But once you are able to forgive him for the pain he has caused you.. you will be able to move on with your life. Forgiveness is a difficult thing to do but it cleanses your soul. I know it is difficult to hear, but you are much better off without a person who's heart wasn't in it.. and to not question the ifs and whys of it all. You will drive yourself crazy doing that. I wish you peace with your life and your child.. good luck to you.

Answer 7

I feel your pain. Time will heal this, move on and put the past behind you. My wife of 24 years 10 months, and 2 days left over 9 years ago. You will get over it. I did not figure out the hours and minutes.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Some people are just plain Jackasses, Sounds like he wanted a fast way out without taking any responsibility. He can live with her and not worry about having to be the man of the house. and worry about all the little things a real husband father have to worry about,
Let it go and move on but don't forget what he did, She may kick him out one day and he may try to crawl back to you,

Answer 10

The reason is because he hurt u so bad that u just can't forgive him trust me i was dating a boy for 10 years i already had 2 of his babies then i caught him in my bed with another girl so i know how u feel.

Answer 11

I can relate. My husband left me for a much younger and single girl after i delivered our third baby. I was so angry for his betrayal that i didn't allow him to visit the kids at all for 6 months. Worse, the girl was mean to me when i tried to get her to leave him for the sake of our kids. She told me she was sorry but that my husband didn't love me anymore. She even told my husband and he told me to lay off and not call her again. I laid off. After a couple of years, i was finally able to forgive him and allowed him to visit the kids. We are friends now but i haven't forgiven the girl who now has 3 kids by him too. My point is you will never be able to forgive your husband while you are still hurting and really mad at him. But eventually, as they say "Time heals all wounds", you will not be hurting as much and you will have moved on, then you will be able to forgive him. I cannot say the same for the woman though. Good luck.