How do I deal with my husbands pornography viewing?

Question

I am VERY anti-pornography, I find it hurtful to our relationship and do not want it in my world. I told my husband this before we got married. We have been married 3 1/2 years and I have "caught" him viewing it on the internet several times. Two times ago I told him if he did it again our marriage was over. Then he did it again. At that point he promised he never would again. I believed him. Well, today, he was viewing once more. What am I to do?

I understand a mans needs, and I have alot of very sexy lingerie, I love trying new things, I have offered to pose naked for him and even given him pics of me naked. SOOOOO......

OK, I did have a porn filter, he switched and used his daughters computer. And, as I have said, sexually I give him all that he wants. I have never denied him and often I initiate. He gets oral sex every morning and a backrub every night. What more can I give?

Answer 1

I hear you....I am not a fan of porn...my hubby had his fair stash of the filth ....but when I moved in to the trash it went....and he was fine with it....Wasn't like he watched it all the time to begin with....but he RESPECTED my feelings regarding porn and refrains from watching it....and he hasn't had any withdrawls!! Your husband could be addicted to porn.....if that is the case he will have to see a counselor to help him overcome his addiction.... A lot of people will say there is nothing wrong with porn and for you to join in and watch it with him....If there were nothing truly wrong with porn....then why are more and more men...and now more women becoming addicted to it and why are more marriages being destroyed by it? You do have the right to give your husband an ultimatum...you or the porn..but not both.....

Seems you are doing your part in getting him interested in you and not the porn...I really think he is addicted at this point...I truly feel bad for you...It would be extremely hurtful to know that your husband would rather watch pretentious bimbos in porn flicks having sex then to be with his own wife who is there in the flesh....

Answer 2

I am the same way, i don't like porn. Some women it doesn't bother, and some it does. Your husband knew from the beginning how it makes you feel, and he promised he wouldn't look at it. You have a right to be mad because he did lie to you, and you were very upfront with him. If this was something he couldn't live by, he shouldn't have got married. If it is to the point where you want to call your marriage off, I think that the 2 of you should go to counseling. Maybe this will make him understand that he does have a problem because he lied to you and maybe it will make him to understand more why this hurts you.

Answer 3

Lock the computer or throw it away and go get counseling.

You keep telling him there are consequences for his bad behavior and then do not enforce it. You are not his mother. You are his wife. If he does not respect you or women or his own mother... maybe you did not really know him all that well before you married.

Now..lock the computer or get a software program which keeps all porn from being viewed .. or toss it into the garbage .. and then calmly and candidly discuss what is going to happen. ( make sure you KNOW what you WANT to happen as opposed to what you believe is really going to happen .. I do not believe in fairy tales anymore than anyone else. )

If he claims he is a Christian.. then show him scripture where Jesus says even lustful thoughts are the same thing as adultery/fornication.

Also tell him to consider what will happen if the two of you have children. His daughters will learn women must wear only sexy things or have sex liberally with anyone to please "dad". His daughters will learn that because daddy says it is ok to upset mom by doing this awful thing then they will marry the same kind of creepy man. How awful to see a little girl walking through her own house dressed as a prostitute hoping her dad will at least look at her and acknowledge her existance. Who knows what men who view pornography think of when they look at their own daughters. I won't even go there.

His sons will decide that because dad has zero respect for mom and his own daughters then they also will not respect her nor will they respect their sisters or other women etc. If he hears you and changes.. then good. If he hears you and ignores you..I recommend not having any children for awhile until he has a firm grip not on his penis but on his marriage to you.

But do stay calm as hard as that might seem. Yelling does not help much and I think it deadens eardrums and hearts even if it might feel good to you as you do it. Later you will regret it. Just be kind and gentle and loving no matter what kind of storm ensues.

God bless your marriage.

Answer 4

The fact that your husband looks at porn isn't necessarily a reflection of him not being attracted to you. If he promised that he would never look at porn before you were married, then he made a promise he knew he couldn't realistically keep. I think the real issue here is the amount of time he spends looking at porn. Is it everyday? Does he have to have it? Porn can be just as addictive as alcohol and other drugs. It can also be harmless, and just a normal part of human sexuality. What it shouldn't be, is a secret. If he's always banned fro looking at it, you're never really going to know what's really going on. Also, there's a fair amount of people out there, who don't know how to clear there computer of porn. I would make sure that there isn't any porn on his daughter's computer.
Good Luck.

Answer 5

My husband likes to view porn occasionally. I have no problem with it, but I know lots of women do. If it is at the point of causing marital woes then he may be at the level of addiction. If this is the case then he needs to seek help. If you really feel this strongly about this then u may have no choice but to divorce him. He obviously isn't gonna stop. Sit him down, one more time, & tell him how this hurts u. Tell him the morning BJ's & nightly backrubs are gonna stop if he doesn't stop! I don't know what else to offer you. Either learn to deal w/it & overlook it or divorce him. You can always offer to go through addiction treatment w/him, but I seriously doubt your husband will seek help for this, as he probably denies he has a problem with it. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Don't give him the real sex and let him view the porn all he wants. He'll become best friends with his hand again and will get bored soon. But I gotta say...most people just like porn. Give the man a break, porn is good. Maybe you should compromise a little and let him watch porn once a week or something for twenty minutes or something so he doesn't feel deprived. And please tell not to use his daughter's computer...that's just nasty.

Answer 7

I gotta be honest, the more you butt into what he's doing privately, the more secretive he's gonna get. If he wants to look at it, then he will find a way somehow, even if it resorts to getting his own computer with its own passwords or waiting till your not around, whatever.

Nosey or pushy people tend to create more sneaky people. I'd say just give him his space and privacy and not just assume he's doing porn. He is an adult and is allowed to do what he wants. I dunno, I do agree with you, but how can you really stop them?

Porn is better than going after real women. At least you know where he is. Hope it works out.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with looking at porn in my opinion as long as your kids dont find it hey just because you cant eat does not mean you cant look at the menu,Hell my wife goes out and buys me porn whould you fell better if he stopped it on the internet and went to strip clubs instead.lighten up

Answer 9

I too was married to a man like this. I did not know until after we were married what kind of person he was.
He would sodomize me, and was very sexually abusive. HE got into watching gang rape/ torture porn...and decided that since I was on meds for migraines that kept me "Zombie like" then he would use that time to hurt me.
He would burn me with cigs and when that did nothing for him, he used my curling iron on me.
That got old and he called his 2 friends...well, it got way out of hand and I had no idea what was going on. I would come out of my drug induced stupor and find their marks on my body and not know where they came from.
It was my best friend Leanne that saved me, she came in as they were starting to "Do their thing" again. It hurts to have 3 men using you like there dump zone.
I still carry the scars from the abuse, inside and out.
I pray that he does not begin to live out these kind of sick fantasies. Because someone always gets hurt!

Leave him, before something happens that you both will regret.

Blessings and luck

Answer 10

I have to say you are a pretty awesome wife. I don't think I know of any man that get's all that attention. I am also very -anti porn to the point I don't allow any of it at all. Sounds like he has an addiction, and may need counseling. At this point if it's that important to you. Talk to him and then follow through with leaving. It may take that for him to seek help.

Answer 11

OK it seems as if he takes your word for a joke so what you need to do is pack up and leave him for a few days,just go somewhere,and then you'll see how fast he will be willing to co-operate when you get back.You can even tell him that you are coming for the rest of your stuff because you are leaving for good and you want a divorce and of course that is just to frighten him.He'll be begging in no time for you to stay.And also if you want him to stop looking at prono you gotta put a little more flavor in your marriage like night surprises with lap dance in your sexiest clothes and dinner at a restaurant instead of you cooking or try cooking in your hottest lingerie.Good Luck!