who should I believe? a friend or a husband?

Question

For the last couple weeks me and my husband had a roomate who is my husband's friend, he is a guy. The other day he left for a family emergency, and he is mad at the way my husband has been treating him. But I asked him if my husband has been cheating on me and at first he would not say anything, but then he did, he said that my husband as been sleeping with two different girls since he has been living there, and he knows because my husband had asked him to come ride with him. So I asked my husband if he has been cheating on me, which I do once in a while because he has before and he said no. So I am not sure if I should believe my friend or my husband. But I am planning to go to the doctor to get tested for STD's

Some people are being confused I have never cheated on my husband

Answer 1

if he has done it before, i would not be surprised if he was now...that is great, go check yourself.

Answer 2

Huh.. It sounds like your friend is right. But it depends on how your husband is acting.
are you still getting the affection you did before? does he make excuses in the bedroom? if his phone rings , does he go into another room? does he make excuses as to why he worked late? does he tell you he loves you The appearance and the behavior should be observed closely to know if your husband is cheating. There may be changes in the daily routine and work habits. There may be uncharacteristic remarks made by him and these are the ones that should be looked for. There may be inconsistency in what is being said and this is one of the signs to know if your husband is cheating. At times there may be uncharacteristic smell of perfumes or sexual odours. If there is any such thing care should be taken. It is necessary to feel the emotional distance in the relationship. If there is an instant feeling that there is something wrong then it should not be dismissed.

It is necessary to write down anything that bothers you as at times one may forget certain incidences. The dates, places and time should be written down so that one can find out if there is a pattern in the husband's behavior. There may be instances where the best suite may be worn in particular occasions. At times there may be a phone call just before or after your husband leaves. These are the signs that should be noticed and jotted down. These are some of the ways to know if your husband is cheating on you.

Another way to know if your husband is cheating is that there may be any physical evidence that may be found and so close attention should be paid to the place and time where it was found. The evidence should be kept carefully back in its place so that suspicion is not aroused. These evidences should be stored in a safe place as they will be required while discussing things with your husband.
spending more time away from home than usual.
dressing up and going out alone unexpectedly.
a lot of overtime.
disappearing for long periods of time.
suspicious phone calls.
and most of all a gut feeling that something is wrong!
they are cheating on you that they will become distant from you or try turning it around on you telling you that YOU are the one that is cheating not them . And if they never want to be around you or always have plans with other people then they are probably cheating . Sometimes just asking straight out if they are is just what you need to do hopefully they will be truthful and just tell you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

First of all....all the answers should be within you. How have you two been? Do you talk to each other? Do you trust each other? Why would you have a roomate when you are married? Is the roomate a pawn so your husband can date? Or does the roomate want you? First of all I would take a step back......think a little bit....Friends or family or yahoo questions and certainly a roomate can not give you an answer. You have to know in your own heart if your relationship is fine. Ive been there and no one truly had an answer. My friends of course took my side. His friends(hint hint roomate) took his side. And you have to remember that you are vunerable right now and turning to his friend for advice. That will lead to despair. So here is what I do before it gets deeper. I would get rid of the roomate! Ask your husband for a talk and possibly counseling. And really know where he is going on those trips he is taking. Remember there a millions and millions of men out there that want marriage without a roomate. I find that odd??

Answer 4

You shouldn't believe a friend. A friend, specially he was your roomate should never divulge any wrongdoings of your husband if there is any. Friend of that kind of attitude usually the purpose is to cause trouble between you and your husband when he's away. That was sneaking,right?Being with you, as a roomate, sometimes he develops either envy upon your relationship or maybe he develops a feeling toward you.
The best way you can do is to proved by yourself if your husband is cheating you or not. Don't believe in hush hush...without proof. Suppose you found out that your friend making a lie and already accused your hubby that ruined your relationship, how would you mend your false accusations? Definitely he'll get mad at you for believing a friend rather than him your hubby and partner for life.
As much as possible avoid false accusations.
You said here that you going to the doctor...that's fine. But do you think your hubby have the nerve to inflict STD on you? I suppose husbands were not cruel to do that to their wives.

Answer 5

Even if you get tested for STD and it is negative it does not mean he did not cheat, I don't think your friend is telling a lie. There is something about a person after they have betrayed you nothing is never the same even for the person who did the cheating. Some of the light goes out of a relationship and no matter how much time passes that light never comes back. You still look at them differently I think the chance he cheated is very high. He is probably treating your friend badly because the friend knows what he did, now hubby is scared he will tell you which he finally did. Get your friend to tell you who the girls are and try to confront them first, there is a way to be sure, but you have to be creative how you go about it. Hubby will NEVER tell you unless his back is to the wall...

Answer 6

This is pretty tricky and not easy to answer. First of all, you said that your husband's friend is mad at your husband because of how he's been treating him, so he could just be being vindictive and saying those things. Secondly, you said that your husband has cheated on you before, so you cheated on him back. So, it seems that it can be credible. I think you and your husband needs to sit down and talk about your relationship and whether or not you two still want to be together. As for the friend, he needs to go. He is just adding to the problems you two seem to be having. You have to be able to trust your husband and vice versa, so, if you two are cheating on each other, then the trust is no longer there. Like I said, you two need to sit down and have some serious talks.

Answer 7

For your own peace of mind please get the test done but realize , once they cheat it can happen again. If the friend seems so sure that he has cheated on you then ask him the basics , who what , when and then get a camcord and have his friend set him up or tell you when he is gonna meet these people again. Then get you some proof and take him for everything he has , some good advise for you is that it is OK to trust your husband but never fully trust because with the world we live in today men can cheat through the Internet as well as out of the house, if your worried about on-line their is programs you can get that will tell you every password and account and conversation that he has. But i can tell you all the info that you want to hear or don't want to but what you think in your heart is always the truth , that is why we have women's intuition , it never lies. i hope this helps but just believe in yourself no matter what and if he is cheating then he aint worth it and just be glad that you are healthy and that you have peace of mind to know. and their are a million better guys just waiting out their .

Answer 8

Get checked first of all, then do some investigating, most people say do not spy because that shows no trust but you already don't trust him. You need to look around for womans clothing or find woman scent on him. From the way you said it, it sounds like to me that he is hiding something that is wrong. Or if he says he's going to be at his job working at unusual times, call up there and ask if he still is there. Or you can find out the girls he is sleeping with, and ask them about then confront your husband on it, and get him to confess. Also go to the phone company and asked them to print out the phone numbers that been dialed or thats came in , in the past few weeks and months that the numbers seem unusual. Email me at [e-mail] if you want anymore advice.

Answer 9

Good grief.. If you are going to always assume he's cheating on you, then why even bother being with him anymore? Seriously. I understand that he has cheated on you in the past, and lied about it.. but you need to either get over it, and forgive him already, or get out of the relationship.

If he has said or done something that would make you question his fidelity and honesty, then I think it's something you need to discuss with HIM, not his "friend". Besides, you said it yourself.. the "friend" is already mad at your husband.. So, what makes you think that you can put any worth into what he says has gone on? I'm assuming that since he obviously knows you don't trust your husband, that he is probably just making all that up to cause trouble for you two.

Personally, I think you need to get that "friend" out of your house, so you can work on your marriage. However, if you are going to continuously accuse your husband of cheating on you, just because he made a mistake before.. then you have so much more to work on than you even realize. If you can't truly forgive him and move on, then your marriage will not last.

Like I said, either forgive him and work on your marriage, or get out. Also, get that friend out of your home.. he's only causing you more trouble, and as you probably realize, you two don't need any more problems than you already have.

You should have never even said anything to his friend.. if you have suspicions, you need to bring them up with your husband, and ONLY him. Don't go to other people with your problems, it will only create more stress.

Answer 10

You can go with the sang , "once a cheater always a cheater" but I am not sure that is true.
You maybe need to check into things more.
This other male may have hidden feelings for you, or have some kind of problem with your spouse and could be just trying to stir trouble knowing he has done it in the past.
You have to use your woman instincts...do some self investigating.
If that doesn't work, hire someone if you truly think your spouse is lying ot you.
Who ever is lying, throw their butts out!!
It is a very difficult situation and once someone has cheated on you, it is hard to forget that feeling or what happened.
Good Luck to you!!

Answer 11

What the **** is wrong with you.Marriage is a sacred thing it's not a joke.Not because your husband cheated means you have the right to cheat too.And divorce is not the answer.If your husband is cheating, as i think, that means that there is no flavor or fun in your marriage.What you need to do is get your husband and yourself to go to the doctor and get tested for STD's and start fresh.Instead of cooking at home every evening just try take outs instead or go to dinner at a fancy restaurant,i know that money doesn't grow on tree but you can try it sometime.Instead of just coming home and going to bed try surprising him with a lap dance in you sexiest lingerie and then make love to him.You better get this to work.You guys gotta stop ******* up,you admit to him that you cheat and even if he doesn't want to admit that he cheats it ok, you guys just go to the doctor and get your check up and start fresh.