How can I make my husband understand our son is only 9yrs old?

Question

My husband expects our 9yr son to be perfect
and when he is not.
It is like my husband wants NOTHING to do with our son.

Answer 1

PROTECT your son. I would not raise my child with a manipulator/abuser like that. He will kill your sons spirit if he keeps it up.

Answer 2

That is harsh, maybe your husband needs to take a parenting and mentoring course, thank heavens we have those now, available if one really wants to be a good parent and have the best interest of their child at heart.

It is your duty to protect your son, yes even from his father if his father is going to treat him like that, the emotional scarring is not always visible but its there and everytime that child is being demeanoured because of a bad choice then he is wounded again not only by the fact that he may realize his bad choice, he may not at the very moment he is a child, but once he realizes it there is no need to belittle and ignore him, ignoring children when they act out is the same as neglecting them when they are hungry.

You need to feed the soul, the spirit as well of the child if he is to become a worthwhile human being. How do you do that, talk to him, make him understand that everyone, daddy included make mistakes, and ask him if he had to do it over again what would he do differently that might have changed the outcome of whatever happened.

You should have a heart to heart with your husband and explain that to him too, and tell him the truth that he is interfering and having a negative affect on your son. Educate yourself before this discussion so you have something to offer in the way of solutions that you three can come together as a family unit, your child will run as soon as he can get away if nothing is done now to stop the hurtful critisism he endures now, and it may make him a very angry young man we have enough of those you are his mother and a big say, if you see it isn't right, remove the child and tell your husband to take five and cool down.

If he cherises his homw life he will listen if not, then you have choices to make for the protection of your child. Good luck and may God grant you the strength to do what you know in your heart you must do. Peace

Answer 3

You probably can not. either he understands that he is only 9 years old, with all the limitations of a 9 year old or he doesn't.

You can keep saying he still has a lot of growing up to do and a lot to learn, but if he isn't taking this information on board and adjusting his tactics, perhaps you need to change your tactics.

Just say "your loss" and when he asks why, explain that is isn't there helping his son to grow by providing a positive learning environment.

The saddest thing I ever heard was a father say to me that I knew his son better than he did, because I'd had his son in scouting for one night a week, plus activities for about eight years. Now the kid was in his late teens and leaving home and moving on.

In this case the father had been working up to three jobs to provide house and education for his family, but not put family time into the equation. Too late he had realised what had happened.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Oh God, my mum is fed up of explaining my dad about the same thing. He expects me to go out and learn Law in Uni when he knows im only 15 and in Year 10! He's always buying me law books and expects me to read all these chunky texts when i have all my GCSE work to do!

Emotionally blackmail him maybe lol, make him understand that your son is only 9 years old and that he's restricted to do a lot of things in that age. Tell him that if he really wants him to do good in school or whatever then how about trying to LOVE him and not just telling him off all the time about not being perfect and not getting top grades in class. Explain to him that no body is perfect and that your son isn't an exception.

And if he still doesn't understand than God help you :)

xx

Answer 5

He is probably putting his expectations for perfection on your son. Your Husband my have grown up with his father expecting it too. As much as people say I'm never going to do that to my children, You can turn around and do exactly what you said you would never do. I would discreetly ask his mother brother who ever you can, to check out his childhood. It may be the same as your sons now.

Answer 6

Inform your husband that his age is not what is really important. Everyone matures at a different rate. Your son is an individual who needs the support and love of someone that is "perfect" or someone that will be "perfect" someday. Is your husband perfect? Didn't think so...

Answer 7

How sad! I feel for your son. It sounds to me like you could use some family therapy - your son needs a chance to express himself, your husband needs an independent party to tell him was is reasonable to expect from a child, and the two of you need help communicating.

Answer 8

I would think that you can't reason with your husband with this attitude. That is not a good environment for a child. If it is as bad as you say, it will destroy your sons self identity and confidence. Sorry I can't give a nice answer, I have met peopel who are perfectionists and don't let the kids be kids and make the children feel taht they are defective. It makes me very angry. A child deserves better. Don't enable it.

Answer 9

Talk to him about it - maybe when you are both away from the house. Don't be accusatory - try to get to the bottom of what is happening. Have specific examples. Do you know if something happened to him when he was a child? Could it be affecting him now? Maybe you can provide some insight. Pray a lot about it. Maybe counseling might help.

Answer 10

Well, he's never going to be perfect, not now, not when he's 19, or 29... I'm sorry that you couldn't see your husband's inappropriate parenting and coping skills before you made him your son's dad, but unfortunately that's life sometimes. Maybe you should go to family counseling.

Answer 11

I bet your cussing him out and i want you to just leave him alone.What you need to do is just tell him something that will touch his heart and will have him thinking about what you said for a couple a days and then you leave and go to your mothers house or some where as long as you get outta the house and away from your husband and leave him to think about what he's been doing.He'll come around.