anger towards family?

Question

i will break this down, im a step mom of 3, kids have been kept from our house for 5 months by their mom.this was to punish their dad for being the bad man their mom says he is(not true) 9 and 10 year olds wrote letter to their dad that they were scared of him , he was mean and bad, they didnt want to stay with him. we finally have kids for the weekend and everyone is running around like nothing ever happened! like everything is ok. im not ok.... i want to know why kids wwrote letter.....there has been so much hurt in this house caused by ex and step kids, how do i deal with it. im madat them... help

Answer 1

Maybe they were made to write that letter? You can't be mad at them for something their mom may have made them do. Regardless of who is at fault, this is a perfect example of forgiveness, listen and learn from them. Everyone is ok now, its because all is forgiven--that is the power of love.....maybe you should try it.

Answer 2

Different relationship.. different house.. same kids. If you want to keep building the relationship with his kids then enjoy the fact that everyone is running around like nothing has happened & they are spending time with their Dad. Try not to transfer the same bitterness the Mother is feeling towards you & her ex on to the kids as it sounds like that is exactly what she is doing to them. I understand your annoyance & hurt but remember they are only 9 & 10, you have to work on relationships, they have to see that & the only way to do that is keep your feelings away from them untill a time when they feel secure enough to answer the questions you are wanting to ask.

Answer 3

Sounds like maybe the mom put them up to it. I wouldn't press the issue - after 5 months of not seeing his kids, let their father enjoy the time he has with them!!! Don't make this visit ugly or hurtful. Be patient, one day, when all is calmer and the kids are older, you can ask then and find out what happened.

Answer 4

you need to stay out of it. Dad and mom need to get this fixed. She's being mean and using the children in whatever her problem is with her Ex. THe two parents have to figure it out. They either get lawyers to recommend some classes on how to co parent or they get some kind of counsellors involved. Your husband needs to make this happen. You need to stand on the sidelines and let them learn how to be parents. And only then do you step in.
She is probably thinking you are going to take over being a mom. you can't do that. They have a mom. And she had better start acting like a good one. She needs to understand that working WITH her ex is what is best for the children.

good luck

Answer 5

They are children. They did what they were told to do. Not sure how old they are but you all should sit down and talk to them. By the sounds of it they were forced to write the letters. Keep the letters also, you may need them at a later date.

Talk it over with all of them.

Answer 6

maybe you could try some art expression with the children. Offer some crayons or paints and ask them to paint a picture of their family. Alot could be told from their art.
You could then discuss the art with each of the children "wow, is that daddy? what is he doing?" etc etc. Let them let you how they feel.

you may not work out the reason for the letter, but you could find out more then you know now?

Answer 7

It is truly a shame when the parents play games by using the kids like that. The kids get hurt the worst from it. I would bet that she was trashing your husband to the kids and telling them that he didn't want to see them.

My advice is that actions speak louder than words. Show them that they are loved through action, not by empty words. Prove the ex wife to be a liar.

Answer 8

Your hubby should be pursuing these answers