how can i be financially responsible (budget, save, invest), when my wife isn't?

Answer 1

This can be a real problem. It would be best to give your wife a specific amount of money for groceries, personal items, etc and you manage the bills. You cannot make someone be responsible financially, so accept her the way she is and find an alternate solution. She still needs to know what the expenses are, just don't count on her to pay the bills, save the money or do the investing.

Answer 2

I don't agree with the person who suggested having three separate accounts so that she can go hog-wild with her money. This would leave you scrimping and saving for investments while she is living the high life and getting manicures. Doesn't sound like a partnership to me! I would sit down with her and decide on a budget you can both agree on and make her accountable for everything she spends. Allow a small amount of "fun money" so that she can still have some luxuries.

Answer 3

dude, this comes up in lots of marriages, and it's totally solve-able. What many couples do is create three separate pools for spending. If both work, both contribute.

The biggest hoard of money is for all your basic expenses, the things that are part of daily life. This is rent or mortgage, food, insurance, transportation like car payments and gas, basic clothing needs, utilities, phone and cell phone, cable and internet, and setting money aside for expenses you can accurately anticipate, like taxes and car repairs. This fund should also include long-term saving for retirement, your kids' college, or a future major purchase. Obviously, the bulk of both your incomes goes to this bank account (which should have both a checking and a saving aspect which can become investment when you have enough). No money leaves this account that isn't for these basic needs. Your wife needs to respect this rule, and if she can't, then you need to assume the role of bill-payer and be the only signatory on the account, the only one who can write checks or make withdrawals.

Then each of you also gets a discretionary account, money you can spend however you like. You can save it, or blow it on candy, just like a kid. You are not accountable to one another for how this money is spent. This lets your wife indulge herself, if that's what she wants to do, or give generous gifts, whatever she wants.

Answer 4

you have discovered one of the leading causes of divorce.

if you want to prevent that -- i suggest that you immediately have her pay the bills, all of them, with your help.

there is nothing like finding out you have no money with which to buy food to shape up out of control spending.

GL