I am 19, pregnant and not married.?

Question

I am 19 and pregnant. I am not married, and this seems to affect a lot of people on this site! I am in a loving relationship with my baby's father who loves and supports me. We live together and have a stable relationship. To me, there is nothing wrong with this. Just because we dont have a piece of paper that says we love each other on it does not change a thing. We know how we feel about each other, and dont feel we have to prove it right now. Some people on this site seem to take this personal, and seem to judge you if your not married before having children. I would just like to say that it is 2007, not 1907 and not everyone has to be married before they have children.

Does anyone feel the same or disagree?

Answer 1

good on you ... tell it the way it is ... good luck.. thank you

Answer 2

I have more of a problem with your age than the fact that you're not married. Of course a couple can have a stable relationship without the "piece of paper". What I do question is how stable either of your lives are at 19. Neither of you have had time to get out and see what the world is all about or be fully educated. Getting an education is much easier when you don't have a child depending on you. Do yo have savings in case you need extra funds after the baby comes? Do you own a home? Do you both have stable careers with good earnings? Do you realize how much harder having a baby makes any of these things possible? Children should be welcomed into a stable couples life. By stability I don't mean just the relationship but also the other things that I've mentioned. That's really the least we can do for them. I know I wasn't at all ready to be a mother at 19, that doesn't mean you're not. We go through many changes in our 20's, we mature. You won't understand what I'm talking about until you go through it yourself. I wish you all the best. Being young doesn't mean you can't be a GREAT mother. It's harder but I've seen it happen. Set some goals, enjoy your pregnancy and good luck :)

Answer 3

Marriage isn't just for adults. It isn't a piece of paper either. Marriage is commitment. It's two people vowing to be a team, and be together until one of you die. Marriage is merely the best way humans have found to live and raise families- based on a few thousand years of trial and error. Certainly, people can and do live and raise families without marriage. So? There are people that beat the odds all the time. Some don't bother working, and find a few returnable cans, turn then in for a lottery ticket- and win millions. But, rational people try to come up with a more reliable way to get by economically. You say that you are pregnant, and that you and your boyfriend are in a loving, stable, relationship. Wonderful. So, exactly what reason is there to not have your child born into a married family? To hell with proving anything to anybody- what downside is there to being married, since you love each other, and are committed to each other???? Perhaps I'm just a blind old fart- but how isn't it the best way to improve the odds for a great life for your baby- and for your boyfriend and you? I'd doubt a thin person that was sitting in a restaurant, saying that "yes, they're hungry", "yes the food looks and smells wonderful", and" yes, they have plenty of money"- but they don't want to eat. I'd suspect they were lying. There is a reason that you asked a bunch of strangers this question. I suspect that it's because, deep down, you know that marriage IS a good thing for people starting families. I certainly don't claim that marriage guarentees happily ever after- just that nothing better has been found by the billions of people through history that have looked for ways to live.

Answer 4

I disagree. Stop denying that you are afraid to take the step to legalize your relationship. Stop the B.S. When your son or daughter asks to see your wedding photos or asks whether you and your boyfriend are married, what are you going to say? Being a parent is a responsibility and marriage unifies the relationship. Children don't know from the piece of paper B.S., they want their parents to be married just like their friends, and if you are not, you are living in la la land. Yes, you should be married before they bring children into the world.
Here is a poem:

First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Mary with the baby carriage

You of course are a rebel with a cause. Let see when your son or daughter starts asking pointed questions what you will answer. To me you haven't got the guts to take that step. Don't give me any of your 2007 modern reasons, because they are all wet.

Answer 5

I feel the same way.I consider my man and me married in the eyes of our father[god]and not the goverment.Way back then there was no piece of paper,but a wedding ceromony.The man would take the woman in his bed and lay with her.Then they were married.No paper.I was married once before with the paper and the goverment was in on that one.Not this one.There is no common law marriage in arkansas as far as i know.But i feel we are and so does he.It isn't an owner ship anyway.The gov wants a title to everything don't they.God doesn't ask for a title but only for to people to commit thier love to oneanother and there is no title when it comes to love.It is a feeling not an object.
As far as the baby as long as you both love it i don't see a problem.Congrads.Be a good mommy and daddy and put the baby first.

Answer 6

I actually think you're being rather smart about this.

I got pregnant at 21 and got married with romantic notions in my head about how we'd be the "happy family". That was 15 disastrous years ago. I'm now going through a divorce that's been years in the making, and I'm convinced that despite being legal adults at age 18, anyone under 25 does NOT have enough life experience to make life-altering decisions (no offense...you sound very mature and you're making a good decision here).

Answer 7

It is not a question of whether it is right or wrong to have a child outside of marriage- you are already pregnant and having the child is just a matter of time now. The question is how do you best raise that child. The answer is to plan carefully. Your child needs both a mother and a father who can be mature enough to put his/her needs ahead of their own. This is true whether you are married to the father or not. No one will judge you or think poorly on your child if you can both just get along and love that child no matter what happens to your own relationship. Speaking from experience, be absolutely sure that the father acknowledges paternity at the time of the birth. If not, it will be very difficult for you to enforce child support. I wish you a very healthy pregnancy and I wish your baby a lifetime of happiness.

Answer 8

So long as your child has a stable loving home, nothing else matters. Trust me, when that child is born, nothing else will matter.
Oh by the way, "notagain" even with marriage he can still pack up and leave and the only thing you are entitled to is child support. And you may not even get that. Marriage no longer entitles you to sh!t unless there is a large sum of money involved. These days, its silly for anyone to believe that you get anything but 1/2 and now that most states recognized partnerships as marriage, the division is still 50/50 of both debt and assets regardless of whether there is a piece of paper saying that you are married.

Answer 9

I still believe in marriage, but as long as you're committed to one another and you love each other, why not? But if it's just a piece of paper to you, why not get that piece of paper just for the heck of it? If your love is real, then it shouldn't change a thing. Personally, I want my kids to have their father's surname. But that's just me.

Don't worry about what other people say. Just focus on what's best for your family.

Answer 10

I was 17 when I had my son and I didn't get married to his father until later on now going through a bitter divorce. Life is not always planned just do what is best for you and your child at the moment. I have no intentions of getting married again and I'm engaged to my finace

Answer 11

of course, there is nothing wrong with it nowadays and its good that you realize that we're in the 21st century. as long as the terms of your relationship that you mentioned are for real, why is it a bad thing? it was only back in like, the middle ages where you'd get stoned for stuff like that so those who critisize this, i mean cmon! how old are you? right? but do understand that at 18+, you're a grown woman and that alot of the stories share pregnancies even younger which still causes a stir. i had my other half pregnant when i was 19 (guess you beat me) everything seemed to be fine so we got married after she was born.