My husband is constantly telling me I'm a bad mom with unhealthy habits because I choose to stay up late after the kids go to bed. On the weekend they will try to stay up sometimes, but never past 10:00PM. My husband's work schedule is 5:00am to Noon, with 2 weekdays off and I work 8:00am to 5:00pm Monday-Friday. I always try to respect his need to sleep and keep thing quiet, but he is convinced This makes me a "tweeker" and claims I do not care about being with him. He thinks if I don't go to bed when he does means I don't care about him or "want him". Is it so terrible to enjoy a little time at night to read or just be alone? With 4 children and a full time job I really feel this is the only time I can have to myself. When we get home at night I'm very busy with homework, dinner, etc. I don't really wind down until late. Is there something wrong with staying up after everyone else is asleep? What makes this such an "unhealthy lifestyle" as he puts it?
2007-11-02 22:00:07 · 16 answers · asked by melissa b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your relationship is only unhealthy if he isnt doing half of all the kid chores and some cooking and some cleaning and going to the grocery store. if you didnt do it all you might have some me time.
2007-11-02 23:11:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definately NOT a bad mum. It is very sensible that you give yourself YOU time and your husband needs to know how valuable this time is. Gee especially if you have 4 kids and work full time. You are wonderwoman LOL
I do appreciate his concern however. He may feel that he is missing out on intimate time with you. Perhaps you should give him one or two nights a week where he can lay with you and get intimate or just have pillow talk - its amazing how close you can be when no tv or kids are around. It is really just that he misses having you all to himself - try it you will enjoy it and it will do wonders for the whole family. I also hope you spice things up for him once in a while - go shopping and get some ligerie you know he will love you in, men love this and they especially love surprises. Re-discover your sexy self - you are very lucky to have such a large family and a caring husband who wants you.
Hope this helps. God Bless.
2007-11-02 22:11:05 · answer #2 · answered by gudsport 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your children a schedule and force them to keep it, woman. ORGANIZE! BE his wife. Children need a schedule they must keep ( that means you do not allow transgressions of the bedtime law ) because it IS healthy for them. Your husband needs YOU to BE HIS wife. If it is such a terrible sacrifice for you to go to bed WITH him...what did you marry him for?
Everyone needs "alonetime". Even your children and husband. It is "ok" to find time for yourselves to be alone with each other .. for yourself..well, until the children are older..that can be fairly hard judging by what my parents went through. I am one of several children and it seems to me my mother was asleep with my dad when he went to bed ( always early ) and they are still married and have been forever.
Maybe it is that you haven't reviewed your organization chart as a mom lately and now would probably be a great time to do that since your husband is openly declaring you are out of whack as my father used to put it when we were all young.
Work the organization thing better, mommy. Husband is announcing to you in an abstract way that your marriage is sliding. You can think of ways to make him help you as nicely as he is putting the "marriage is sliding thing " to you, you know. My mother had so many of us and still managed her own business.. all of us..and still kept her marriage together during hard times. If she can do it..any of us can.
By the way..my parents had a child who came twelve years after the last ( they thought ) of six . So that makes seven.
Improve your diet ( try taking "Florastore" ( thats a registered trademark ) or something similar. It might help make you feel more cheerful and ready to "go". It surely cannot hurt you. Having many children CAN take it out of you, though, so you do have to replenish your body.
God bless your family!
2007-11-03 08:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa of America 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With 4 kids and a husband, who wouldnt need a little "me" time? Your not a bad mom, your hubby just wants time with you too. He's stressed and doesnt know how to deal with it. Sounds like my old life (Before the divorce) SO, what I did was wake up earlier than everyone else in the house and had my "me" time. It is the best part of my day.
2007-11-02 23:23:06 · answer #4 · answered by beentheredonethat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is an unhealthy lifestyle for you and you know there is a saying: Children after they will become adults they will make in their homes exactly what they seen in their mother's home.
When somebody tries to sleep maybe they feel a little bit uncomfortable with the idea that their mom is still up
I think you should change this
2007-11-02 22:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by Helena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh... that is like my life.
Anyway, I don't think it's unhealthy of you to want some space and alone time just to relax and take it easy. Four kids, a full time job, as well as house work, is a lot of work, you have the right to have some alone time.
Perhaps just explain this your husband, he should understand how difficult it must be for you at times.
2007-11-02 22:05:28 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't make you a bad mom
it depends
if you are able to attend to the needs of your kids during the normal waking hours then its up to you to stay up as late as you want but if you stay up late every day and can't up in the morning to feed your kids, send them to school or do house chores then this habit of staying up late makes you a bad mom. Staying up late everyday wouldn't make you a bad "person" if you didn't have a family to look after (meaning if you are living a single life - no kids, no family etc)
2007-11-02 22:04:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!
If that's your only time to do what YOU want then go ahead...
Mom's need breaks too! and it's a lot harder on you... because you take care of the children... cook... AND go to work!
Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and why you stay up late.
2007-11-02 22:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you. I do the same. However, it would seem that he has a point too. Perhaps find a few hours once in a while when you have unwound and devote it only to him so he doesn't feel so insecure. Don't forget - husbands are like big babies too.
2007-11-02 22:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by sleep well 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg! im going through the same thing! i have 4 kids and iwork full time,must i mention im constantly picking up after him..he calls me a tweeker even though i have never experienced drugs in my life,he says im a shitty parent because i dont go to bed with him,when i do put the kids down to bed and get the house picked up -i want to relax and unwind and enjoy the quiet time and peace without having to hear crying and my lil boogers up---i get a chance to throw myself on the couch,watch sum bernie mac and pig out on some leftovers,maybe get on my myspace account to chat to my distant friends-its the only time i get i for MYSELF without having to her him yakkkkk!! Youre not a bad mother for wanting to unwind and breath a lil,has long has you can take care of youre children and take care of youreself..continue to give youreself sum free time,and tell him you love him but you also love youreself and thats why youre going to take care of youreself and give youreself sum free time to relax-by the way my husband works from 4am to 2pm so hes just going to have to deal with it-im a great loving nuturing mother and im going to continue to take care of myself-you should do the same-email me if ya like --violette0706@yahoo.com
2007-11-02 22:16:27 · answer #10 · answered by meena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋