My mother often compares me to my older brother?

Question

she says that i'm not as successful and smart as he is. she wishes that i have some traits of my brother in me. she said my cousins are faster leaners than i am, because it took them a month to learn something that takes me a year to learn. is this another way mothers use to encourage their children to work harder? i don't understand my mother most of the time.

Answer 1

Hi

You should have asked in the parenting or psychology section. They may give you professional answers.

Anyway parents comparing their children to each other or to other people can leave a very harmful mark on your emotion and may manifest as a bad attitude later in your life.

Comparing you is her desperate attempt to motivate you, or it's her only known way. Maybe she was raised that way.

I know this is hard for you but you have to understand them. (How old are you anyway? My answer maybe hard to understand if you're too young). Parents are not perfect, they also commit mistakes. And no, they don't know everything and the "been there, done that" is not accurate anymore. Parenting is changing.

The bottom line is accept who she is and understand that she's only trying to make the best out of you. Assure her that you appreciate her concern and you are doing your best to make them proud. At the same time tell her that comparing you to your brother does not help you in anyway, and that accepting who you really are whether you're not as smart as she expects is her best way to make you feel special.

Answer 2

I'm really sorry. It's sad she's so busy comparing you to others she doesn't see the uniqueness you have to offer and is blinded to your special strengths and talents. I hope you can see how hard you have worked for what you have accomplished in your life and can feel good about it. If something that came easy for others took longer to achieve and you never gave up...that's a major accomplishment in itself. A mother's criticism can be tough but overcoming it and achieving it in spite of it can be the biggest accomplishment of all.

Answer 3

Sounds like shes trying to push you comparing you with the other family members hopeing that you will catch up and be right there with there fast learning. You problley kinda feel left out. You probley should talk to you mother and tell her how your feeling.

Answer 4

Your mother is certainly not criticizing you but with her best wishes to see that you too progress like others in the family, she is just setting up role model for you. She is just expressing her expectations.You should take it in right spirit.In India, there is a saying......A child can turn to be a bad child but a mother will never never turn into a bad mother.

Answer 5

Sometimes, I thought my mother compared me to other kids, but when I asked her, she said she wanted me to learn what good from them, to make me thinks that I could do much more better that them, boost my self-esteem. I believe parents would never compared their children to others, well yours is different because your mother compares you to your brother. If they compared their children to other kids, that mean they're jealous, or even regret that they have their children.

Answer 6

remind your mother of things you do well. also, tell her that different people learn at different paces. One of my friends is REALLY smart, but she almost got held back in first grade! lol