she cheated on him, then divorced him and married one of the men she cheated with. she gets mad cause her ex and his new fiance come to visit us.
2007-11-02 17:10:07 · 21 answers · asked by mum 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her to grow up. The guy used to be part of the family and obviously, he still cares about you. Why should you cut off contact with someone that is part of your life? As long as you aren't talking about your daughter behind her back, she shouldn't have anything to say. Most likely, having him visit may just make her feel badly because she screwed up and its coming back to bite her. Its your home, you have the right to welcome anyone you want into it.
2007-11-02 17:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As much as this kills me to say this, you should respect your daughter's wishes to keep the peace.
However, as a mother myself, I see your point of view. This man did nothing wrong. Your daughter brought him into your home, made him your son-in-law and then did the worst possbile thing and decided to cheat on him and divorce him for the other guy. Why should your relationship with him stop because your daughter says so? Is she mad that he's moved on and can be happy without her? Is she upset that he's doing well? OR does it bother her that you are more accepting of the ex than you are of her new man? There is a reason behind all of this animosity. . . more so than her pride will allow her to reveal to you.
If it were me, I'd find a balance. Either keep in contact with him and not let her know, or simply tell her that unlike her, you don't have the ability to just stop loving someone because someone tells you to. Then remind her in a subtle way that just because she's tossed her morals and values out the window, doesn't mean you have.
Or, like I said, you could respect her wishes just to keep the peace. It's your family honey....do what you have to do.
2007-11-02 17:28:52 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I find it sad that she can't be more grown up and realize that even though she and the ex may not be on good terms, it doesn't mean you can't be friends with them. Sounds like her conscience is still bothering her for what she did to him, otherwise it wouldn't be that much of a problem (I've heard of others who go along ok with the ex and the ex-wife didn't say anything and accepted it).
She needs to grow up and quit trying to control who you are friends with and I wouldn't hesitate to tell her that. After all, if you could have controlled her, she wouldn't have had any affairs and lost a good man like she did. She doesn't have to come over if he is there so let him know to make plans with you when you will get together so you can tell her to stay away that night. She brought this on herself. She is the one that did wrong so why should you be punished and have to give up friends because of her actions?
2007-11-02 17:39:25 · answer #3 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long were they together? Did they have children? I don't think you should have to stop the visits. It's obvious that he has developed a bond with you and you with him. If they were together for a long time and have children it is only natural that you maintain a good relationship with him. I'm sure he's not visiting you just to hurt her.
Your daughter is the one who messed up and I'm sure that she knows that. Talk to them both to see where they really are. Tell your daughter that she doesn't have to be there when he comes. To him you are like a mother and depending on the relationship he has with his own mother you could be the only real mother figure he has had.
Tell your daughter that as adults they can still learn to get along. Grow up.
2007-11-02 17:34:16 · answer #4 · answered by luvtko 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you developed a bond with your daughter's ex, and that she did something not so great that ended their relationship. However, she is your daughter. Have you tried to talk to her about this? How long were they married? Are there kids involved? She needs to be understanding that you care about him because he was family. The fact that their marriage ended due to her mistakes, I believe, means she needs to be willing to have some understanding for your feelings as well, especially if there are children. If he is the father of your grandkids, then he will always be in your life as well. If there are no grandkids involved, then I would say that it is okay to continue to have a relationship with him as long as you are still being respectful to her feelings as well. I would never invite him to family functions and such. But having him to dinner when she isn't going to be there is different.
2007-11-02 17:29:42 · answer #5 · answered by ladybug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
May be her ex visits you to show you and your daughter that he has a very happy life and it was your daughter's loss who cheated on him. He is probably showing off his fiance. I don't blame him. Your daughter did a terrible thing when she cheated on him. I hope your daughter is not going to cheat on her new husband. She needs to grow up.
2007-11-02 18:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by Highland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is funny and I have no pity for your daughter.
My daughter did the same thing to her soon-to-be husband after I paid for the wedding dress.
Yes he still comes by now and then and as far as her feelings go, they are irrelevant except for apologias and amends. I didn't raise my daughter to be that type of person, she didn't have to marry the guy but the cheating was inexcusable. So its her problem and she has to deal with it. My job as a parent is to guide her to proper behavior not hide and condone it by action or my inaction.
2007-11-02 18:25:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whats his motives for visiting you? I seriously doubt its because your friends. Hes probably just coming around, hoping that your daughter will show up sometime and he can show his new fiance off to make her jealous or feel bad about divorcing him or cheating on him.....OR.......well there is no OR.....thats definately what hes doing.
2007-11-02 17:21:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems he actually cares about you or he would have cut ties with the divorce.
As for her Tell her get over it, this part is your life not hers. He comes to see you not her.
Does she live with you? Think may be time she grew up and stopped looking at life through High School eyes.
2007-11-02 17:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by tannum2000 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she doesn't have the right to choose who you can remain friends with. How would she feel if you put stipulations on her relationships, like stating you didn't want her to marry the man she is married to. Tell her the problem is between her and him and you simply don't have anything to do with it. Your not choosing sides or anything. You must have been a great mother figure to him the reason he chose to remain in contact. Good luck to you.
2007-11-02 18:03:07 · answer #10 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋