Why am I the only depressed gay man?

Question

I'm 29 years old, live in Northern Mississippi, & I'm gay. I have a family that loves me and yet will never accept who I really am inside. I've lived for many years in shame and in hiding. I have few friends, because I don't let them close to me. I've tried counseling, and going to gay support groups. But I'm not a typical gay person and thus don't fit in with them either.

To complicate matters, I'm a southern baptist. I lie awake at night crying, & thinking I'm going to hell for being who I am.. and yet.. I've tried everything to change. It's just not a choice or a preference.. it's the way I am.

I stay depressed and suicidal due to my sexual orientation and have yet to talk with any other gay male experiencing anything like what I am going through. Every gay male I chat with online is so concerned with "how big is it?", "do you want to hook up?", or "how much do you weigh?" that I've yet to find a "normal minded" gay man to befriend. Is something wrong with me?

Answer 1

you need to move.....and be proud!

Answer 2

What you see other gay men talking about comes with acceptance of being gay, and it seems you're nowhere close to there...and it isn't any wonder since you have very little support, live in the south, and believe in your religion to a large degree. I've gone through the same things being from a religious background, and I know it isn't easy. Just because you can't relate to the men you encountered so far doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or you can't be yourself and still be a gay man. You are who you are and should not be sad about it, as there's a whole world outside your present environment where you would and could find yourself and resulting happiness. If you would like to chat further...email me so ti can be a bit more personal and hopefully more comfortable for you. Don't do anything crazy, as there are people, like me, who care enough to put it out there for you. So let's talk and get you to a better place and mind set, so you have you can start caring about yourself more and find a bit of happiness in the confusion. In the end, I hope you'll look back one day and be glad that you took the first steps to being yourself and living your life!! D'n'D

Answer 3

The only "wrong" thing is that you are looking online in places that cater to people just wanting sex. It is so sad that you cannot find a support group for gay men that you can really connect with. It must be hard for you if you cannot accept who you are, You are much much more than just your sexual orientation. You did not "do it on purpose", it was not a choice, it is part of your life, your being.
Think of some of the other aspects of YOU.....Are you kind? Do you care about your family? Do you have a job you like? Please seek out a counselor that will help you see the good in you. Please don't linger in chat rooms that are "meat markets"...they mess up hetersexual people too!

Answer 4

NO! Nothing is wrong with you!
I am a straight woman that just happened to see your question and no, nothing is wrong with you! God made you to be who you are! And just as my own family will never accept the real me because they have a picture of who I should be to them, maybe yours is the same?
As tough as the road might seem, you must embrace who you are! I hate labels such as straight or gay or black or white. You are a 29 year old man. Do you have hobbies? Do you like to read? Do you enjoy sports? Do you want kids someday? There are other aspects of who you are that are important, too.
My spiritual beliefs are not religous because of the very thing you are feeling. I refuse to follow a religon that damns any human being for something they are born as. Are you a murderer? Do you worship false idols? Are you a jerk or a pervert? No. You are simply made to be attracted to the same gender.
What do you mean by not being a "typical" gay person? Maybe living in another area that is more tolerant to the many unique qualities we human beings have would be a good thing for you. And the online guys you've run into sound like immature jerks!
I truly hope you can find a relationship that allows you to fully enjoy all of who you are and be able to share yourself with someone you care about and trust. Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear that you are so depressed. Sometimes there are support church groups for gays. I don't mean support groups that will try to change you, but groups that will help you cope with your depression and help you feel happy with who you are. Try doing a search on the internet for it. You may be surprised! Also, maybe you are talking to the wrong kind of gay people. Consider talking to support group forums rather than just plain gay forums. Like you said, some people just have the wrong intentions. Can I give you some advice? If you don't feel comfy talking to your friends, maybe they should not be your friends...i know it is hard to let go of people you love, but it may help you better yourself. Try talking to them anyway! See what happens, if it turns sour, than what is the point in keeping them around if you can't talk to them openly? The best thing that can happen is that they will help you out. Who knows, maybe they have other gay friends that they will be able to connect you with to start a friendship. Don't let yourself get so down. There is always someone for everyone, it just takes time. In the meantime, know that God loves you and cares about you. He knows you by name and wants you to be happy.

Answer 6

No there's nothing wrong with you, you just want your family and friends to accept you for who you are. And a lot of guys are pigs but some are out there wanting to be loved just like you. All you need to do is loosen up, go to a party, go shopping, go to a club, or take a walk in the park anything to take this event off your mind for a while. Have some fun and act naughty for once show off your goods to them then turn them down for the dogs they are. Besides you may find they right man for you, so don't ever give up.

Answer 7

Although I'm not gay,I believe you feel guilty about who you are,because of our society.I believe that homosexuals are born the way they are,& unfortunately,we live in a society that has mixed feelings about this subject.I hope you will ultimately accept your orientation,& only then will those people that know you,have a chance to accept the wonderful person I believe you to be.The world & all things & people in it are different & perfect in their own way.Continue to seek positive social friends & maybe some counseling with someone that can help you to find your way to have a happy life.Suicide is never the answer,so I hope this never becomes a reality for you.You are one of many gay men in our society,& there must be many people that feel just as lost as you do,right now.The best to you.

Answer 8

You are not down because you of your orientation.
You are down because you have been oppressed by the lies told to you by your family, your church; and also you oppress yourself with your beliefs that you are not a typical gay person and don't fit in.
You need a new start in life so you can be happy.
Quit talking to the closet cases on line asking to hook up if it is big enough. They are not gay. You do not need them.
There is something wrong with them, not you. You don't need to fit in, you need to create the personal space you need to be yourself and find a happy life with friends and a partner. This is not easy, but it is sooo worth it!
Believe me, your family does not love you UNLESS they accept you just the way you are. Don't be ashamed and stop hiding. Move to a new town. Move to my town if you want. I will be your friend, but I won't put up with the shame and hiding thing. You deserve much better than that.
Once you have conquered your 'depression' you are going to be so angry at the world, but don't be angry with yourself.
You can be totally happy if you want it.

Answer 9

No! There is nothing wrong with you. Every other gay man you talk to is stupid and brings shame to the gay community... You really just need to open up and let people in. It might be hard, but you might just have to take a chance sometimes. I'm having the same problem myself. I feel like I don't have anyone I can really talk to about my fears, worries, and dreams, but everyone else does. It's hard, I know. But as long as we try to meet people I think we'll find someone.

Answer 10

My uncle is also from a southern Baptist background and he is gay. He is also depressed right now. Everybody gets depressed rather they show it or not. My uncle attends a church (Covenant Metro Community Church) and almost all the members are homosexual. I wont say that I dismiss what the bible says about homosexuals but I will say that these people are some of the most religious and friendly people I've ever met. I think you should research and find one of these churches so you can feel better about yourself and your situation. There are many people just like you. Cheer up.. It'll get better...

Answer 11

umm well let me first start off with telling you that I'm not gay, i'm straight. but to be honest with you there is nothing wrong with it. I don't care what the Bible says, what anybody says. Unless you're inner self is some mass murdering phyco lol, you have a right to be who you are. The Bible also says that the world was supposed to end 7 years ago, but it never happened. I'm not trying to be athiest here either, I'm Roman Catholic, but as far as religion goes, you cant take it word for word. Take for instance myself. I've always wanted to take my boat, sail to some deserted island and just live there for a while to escape from it all. People don't support me there, they think i'm some crazy dare-devil, which in a sense i guess i am, i also wanted to strand myself in the middle of the rainforest. But the point is you're free to do whatever you want, no matter who supports you and who dosn't. I've went through all my life being told the exact opposite and i don't want to be that type of guy. As for those guys online, they're just sick perverts, you shouldn't really be doing online dating crap like that anyway