Giving my baby up?!?

Question

Ok, so I had my daughter about a week ago. My parents are saying I need to give her up for adoption but I don't want to and neither does her father. I'm taking very good care of my daughter. I'm going to do school online which i've been wanting to do even before I was pregnant. Me and my boyfriend love her so much! What should we do?
I'm 14 and he's 15 although we're both in the same grade.

Yes both of us have jobs. I work at my aunts daycare and my boyfriend works at his friends mothers restaurant. Me and my boyfriend are planing to get married very soon and get an ampartment. My parents are also very mad about me even being with him. They think he's a bad person just because he got held back in preschool.

I can't read spanish.

Answer 1

In many cultures, 14 is a normal age for becoming a mother. In our culture, we delay adulthood, so it can be a problem. I recommend you go to a crisis pregnancy agency, and tell them you want to keep your baby, and ask them to help you talk to your parents. It really should be your choice, even though you are a minor. As long as you are there for her, and taking care of her, so your parents don't have to, and as long as you work out the financial problems (the crisis pregnancy agency can help with that), I see no reason why you can't parent your baby, but be sure and talk to older, experienced mothers and get plenty of good advice. When I say "older", I mean mothers who have several children, the oldest of whom is at least 10. If you show your parents that you can be mature, through planning, this will probably help, and this is one place where the crisis pregnancy agency can be helpful. You also need to consider that ultimately, you and your baby's father should be married to each other, provided he would make a good husband and father. You are probably pretty young to be making that decision, because people change a lot during their teen years, but ultimately, your baby needs two parents who are committed to each other. I'd go to some marriage counseling and classes, so you both can develop your sense of how to be parents who cherish your daughter, and put her needs and welfare first. As your daughter gets older, discipline is important, because you want her to be settled and happy, so that she will be easy to get along with. Right now, the best way to help her be settled and happy is to breastfeed, so if you can do that, or are doing it, more power to you. I commend you for protecting your baby. These days, too many mothers don't do that.

By the way, I am an adoptive mom. We adopted two and had five others. Adoption is a good choice, but it must be your choice. Our younger daughter also is the adoptive mom of two. All the adopted children are thriving. Mine are adults now. If ultimately you do choose adoption, please be aware that you can decide how much involvement you want in your daughter's life (do you want just to receive letters and pictures, or do you want to see her once in awhile? Or do you want to make it a closed adoption? This is something crisis pregnancy agencies can also counsel you about. You can also help choose the adoptive parents.

One other thing: some people advised getting your own apartment. At your age and your boyfriend's age, that's not an option, just so you are aware.

Good luck with these decisions. Study hard. With online school, you may even be able to graduate early.

If you want to keep in touch so you can ask questions, note me, and we can exchange email addresses.

Answer 2

Hi,

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

I'm not sure why you, your boyfriend and both your and his parents didn't sit down and discuss this before the birth of your daughter.

Obviously the thought of giving her up for adoption after bonding with her has made a very difficult decision almost impossible.

I'm sure you are taking good care of your daughter, your parents are most likely concerned about the rest of your childhood, because even though you have already become a mother, you are still only 14 and have a lifetime ahead.

A child is the greatest gift you get in life but requires a lot of time and work.

You need to think really hard about this, whether you want to give up your teenage years, the parties, football games, proms, etc. If you can honestly say these things don't matter to you and you are relatively sure that you won't end up resenting your daughter because you won't have the same opportunities that most of your friends will have, talk to your parents and tell them that you want to keep your daughter and would appreciate their support (not necessarily financial, but emotional support.)

Then check with the local Social Service agencies and see what form of assistance you may be able to get.

You may also want to check with a local adoption agency and see if they have any couples that are interested in an open adoption. One where you would be able to have knowledge of how your daughter is and some limited visitation. Some couples are open to the birth mother becoming an official, though unrelated, "Aunt" to the child.

This will be one of, if not the hardest, decisions you will make in your life. As hard as it may be, you have to look at what will be best for everyone concerned. Think about not only what having your daughter is like now, but how you and your boyfriend will feel when you have a 1 year old at 15 and 16, and a 2 year old at 16 and 17, etc..

Ultimately, you have to do what will be best, along with what you honestly think you will be able to live with.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Well, I definitely think you are both too young to have a baby. BUT what's done is done, now she is here and it sounds like you are trying your best. If you are working and continuing with school, that is awesome! Education is the only way to a better future. I am so totally against welfare. I believe it encourages people to become dependent on the system instead of themselves but in your case, there is no way you could make enough at your age to support a baby. So look for some help. If you do not want to give your daughter up, don't. Show your parents you can do this. It will be the HARDEST thing you have ever done, but you have chosen to grow up the fastest way you can, by being a parent. There is no sense in giving her up for adoption, letting someone else raise her and you coming back in 10 years saying you want her. That is unfair to adoptive parents and unfair to your daughter. Just keep doing what you are doing, finish school, and realize your life is over for now except for being a mom. You are not going to be able to do the things other girls your age do, so if you really want to be a parent, just accept this and move on. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out.

Answer 4

Look, every body should read up on thee state laws. It is NOT, NOT her parents decision, regardless. I was 14 also when I had my first child and 23 when I had my second. So, first off no one should be saying your too young and you're a baby. This is crap you already know but hey it happens. I had very great parents considering they found out I was pregnant during my labor. You do what you feel is right. Times are not going to all fun and games but this is a decision you made. I had it tough as well, but guess what I survived and so did my daughter. I'm very proud to say she is almost 17 and we have a great relationship. Your parents trying to make you do something wrong is only going to make you hate them. If I were you, move out or with a family member who supports you and don't let them see your baby. See, now you really know what they think. Until you walk in someones shoes, which I have, don't be too judgemental. Good Luck and Hope You raise a strong beautiful little girl. Use this as a lesson as well, go get on birth control. I mean it happened once but at your age DON'T let it happen again!

Answer 5

I know you had her young and everything but i'ms orry i would throw that up in my parents face and say do you not love your first grandaughter? then how could they possibly treat her this way? A tiny innocent infant!! That's soo wrong. I wouldn't go through it if i was you. Is there not anyway you could stay with his parents? maybe your grandma or even a friend. Dont listen to anyone who says this is not your choice when it is!! Don't let someone pressure you into something you dont want to do. I had my daughter when i was 16 and it was extremely hard but it's not the end of the world!! you just require a lot of extra time to get things ready and a hold on your future. It makes you grow up a lot and makes you appricaite the real things in life. Some of the people on here are extremely rude soo just ignore them and do what you do!!

Answer 6

Hun,

*hugs* I'm sure this isn't easy for you. Don't listen to what everyone else is telling you to do. This is YOUR baby. Your parents cannot make you put her up for adoption. It's up to you and her dad on what YOU decide to do.

Sure, you can put her up for adoption. You'll spend the rest of your life wondering how she is... My mom put my sister up for adoption. I didn't know I had an older sis until I was 14. I didn't meet her until I was 22.

Life with a baby is hard. It is not impossible. When I was in high school I had a friend who got pregnant at 13 and had her baby at 14. She took very good care of her baby. She didn't expect her parents to babysit for her. She didn't expect them to get up at night with her baby. She brought her with her when she went somewhere, took her to the doctor when she was sick...

That baby is now 10 years old. She has 4 sibblings.

I think you really need to give some thought to what is best for your family. By your family I DO NOT mean your parents. I mean you, your boyfriend, and your baby. Do whatever feels right to you. If you give your baby up, it will be because you love her. If you keep her it will be because you love her. Hard isn't it? You'll make the right choice for you.

*hugs* And best wishes to you. You'll get through it ok.

Answer 7

If you don't stand your ground with your parents now and tell them you are absolutely NOT giving your baby up, you will regret it for the rest of your life. You are young, you did make a mistake, however your parents need to get their head out of the clouds by thinking after all this time you'er just going to "give the baby up". That rude and ridiculous and they should be there for you. Keep the baby. It's going to be hard, but it's a little easier since you are going to school online. That's a great step! And since the father is supporting you as well, you won't be as hard off as someone without the father in the baby's life. I'm telling you, stand your ground...don't give up that baby.

Answer 8

Yes you two are too young to have a baby, but I think now you know that...
Is there anyone in the extended family who might be willing to care for the baby until you are ready? But you also have to be around everyday. In the meantime, you will finish school. So you pretty much need about 3 years. I think you'll regret giving up your baby and one day you'll look back and ask "I wonder if I could have done it" So you have to give it your best shot, like you've never given it before. So does the father of your baby... good luck...

Answer 9

Wow...I can't imagine what you are going through. This is a critical decision that will impact you for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers and only you can make the decision. You have to think about what kind of life your child deserves and decide whether you can be the one to provide it? Raising kids is not easy for someone older who is financially established...so you have a couple aspects working against you right of the bat. I wish I could provide you with some better advice, but I think this is a choice that only you can make. You know your situation better than any of us in cyber world do. Good luck..you are in my thoughts!

Answer 10

Personally, I think you and your boyfriend are to young to be parents.

However, I suggest checking out what state services are available to assit with education, and employment. If your parents are giving you a hard time, you may even need to think about looking for an apartment. Again there should be a state agency that can help.

Start researching what help is available before you need it. It'll make it easier once issue arise.