As A Parent, What Would You Do?

Question

I'm having a hard time with this. It's not easy to explain. My 5 year old son was molested @ his Dad's house by his new wife's 14 year old foster-daughter, on numerous occasions when the kids were there, while my 4 year old girl watched. The 14 year old has admitted what she's done, my 4 & 5 year old kids are in Therapy @ Children's Hospital. My Family Court case is this Wednesday to solidify legal & physical custody of the kids.

The issue I'm struggling w/today is my reaction in wanting to confront this 14 year old girl & tell her she's going to burn in hell, etc. She is a victim of incest by her Father herself, that's why she's in Foster Care & has been in Therapy since she was 8 or 9? It seems to me if she's had years of Therapy, she should know better & wouldn't want to introduce other children to the types of issues she has dealt with.

I know it's wrong for me to confront her, but my head really ran with what I would say to her today.

What Would You Do?

I am awaiting my Therapy for the next Therapist who takes my insurance to come available. I thought it was best to get the kids in there 1st. I have applied for Victims Of Crime assistance, which if it is accepted, will open up the available Therapists available to me & us.

I don't think there's a "Best Answer" to this question. I appreciate all who responded and want you all to know that I really needed your input when I submitted this question. Thank You again and God Bless you all.

Answer 1

I would remind myself that I am not God and don't decide who is going to "burn in hell." She was somebody's baby, once, too... and God knows what plans He still has for her and the good that can still come out of her life if she bows her knee to Him and repents in truth. Instead of trying to hurt or shame her, my best advice is that you begin praying for her. Ask God to help her and to give her the best placement for her. Ask God to give her an abhorrence of the sin she has done and to show her how to stay far away from ever doing it again. If you pray for her, it will help you release the anger and rage you feel and help you not to be burdened down with that anger and rage. It will help you be there for your kids because your heart won't continue to be filled with toxic emotions towards her. Ask God to help you see what He sees when He sees her, and to help you walk through this situation you didn't ask for in a way that makes you the best parent you can be for your children and for others you will meet who have also been molested. I've read that one in every three girls has been raped/molested. People who are sexual abuse victims need hope and power... and giving forgiveness to others brings people out of victim status and passivity. It doesn't mean letting her be unsupervised around small children again. It doesn't mean you aren't right to be righteously angry at the callous way she took what didn't belong to her from your children's lives.

Hurting people hurt people.

I suggest you read The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender about sexual abuse. It will help you with questions you are facing now and in the future.

If you want to be free and available and present to your children, start the forgiveness process now before she even knows to ask.

"Father, forgive them. They (we humans) don't know what they are doing."

Answer 2

I'm sorry this happened to your children. If you think about it, this 14 year old girl already has a ton of problems. She was molested by her own father, taken from her family, and placed in a house with strangers. Of course this is going to be psychologically damaging, more than you would ever know. So therapy for a thing like this is most likely going to be life long. You are not a therapist, or psychologist, and confronting her and telling her she is going to burn in hell is NOT going to help this situation. It is just going to add to her strew of problems. Which means she would pose as a danger to children in the future. Just don't talk to the girl, let the professionals take care of it. Just focus on your children. Hopefully because they are young they will be able to forget this memory, and move on and have a normal happy life. I think talking to a therapist yourself is a good idea. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Answer 3

From what I know, she could be in therapy her whole life and not really get any treatment. People have to accept treatment to get treatment. Your outrage is understandable. You are going to need therapy yourself. Beside providing treatment a similar incident happened to a family I know and the repercussions are still being felt seven years later. Your anger is better employed by treating your son. The girl is lost and is certain to be punished throughout her life. She will never be able to escape her history, the more because she will never admit that she needs help - I hope I am wrong. You have a long road ahead. Prepare for it and don't waste your time.

Answer 4

It is rough to mention Through all their faults, my mum and dad did a first-rate task. They raised four vibrant and effective youngsters. We are all self sufficient, have well jobs and deal with others with recognize and compassion. I do the excellent I can with my 2, nevertheless on the age of seven I relatively can not assess what form of guys they're going to be. I can simplest desire that I have controlled to instill in them the identical values my mum and dad did which I deliver to at the moment. Right now they're first-rate youngsters. They are vibrant, variety and handy. However I nonetheless need to make it via the teenage years. This is a query to probably reply in a different two decades, while I have 2 younger guys who name me mother. Then I might be in a position to let you know extra correct what form of men and women I raised after which probably I could have a greater reply. However on the second, I can desire for a minimum of the identical, and if viable exceed what my mum and dad did.

Answer 5

for the sake of your child i would apply for an emergency cease and desist order on any visitations. your child will have to undergo therapy and the father should be made aware of what has been happening , not from you but from your son. if you can get the foster child present and have her admit it this will be even better. in Canada she can be arrested for sexual assault and be given the emergency counselling for her behaviour. do whatever it takes to protect your child. his safety is paramount and not visitation rights.

Answer 6

omg no wonder your battling with your feelings as a mother i know id be feeling exactly the same.but in truth what ever you did or say prob wont make you feel any better.this is easy for me to say as im not in your situation but you know what, you have two choices here you can either find it in your heart to forgive her or become bitter, think about whats best for your kids as they are gonna need your support for a long time to come. plz take care x

Answer 7

i wouldn't do anything the father should have done something been more strict maybe , P.O.E. product of environment don't blame the child immediately maybe she has pent up frustration from her father if shes still in therapy shes on the right path but if not the father should step up and do his job

Answer 8

Nothing.
Try to avoid talking to her. you are very angry right now, & you might say & do things that won't really help the situation.
Of course when it's my child involved i would really want to hurt that girl, & bad. That's why i wouldn't want to go near her.

Answer 9

I would want to do the same thing. But, this girl is so messed up. I know you might feel better doing it, but she is still one messed up kid. Just leave it alone.

Answer 10

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