My wife wants me to get a girl friend (mistress)...?

Question

I know this may sound wierd but we sort of have unusual relationship. I love my wife. We have little problems and occasional fights like normal people do but overall, I have to say we have pretty happy lives.
Since we had our son 5 years ago, she we started having sex less and less. But we've been doing it less and less. Now I'm lucky if I get it once a month.
My wife simply says she's not really into it. We still spend alot of time together but come bed time, she goes straight to bed.
I myself am different. I love sex. Before I was married, I was a bit of a player. I remember at one time I was having sex 3 or 4 times a day and often averaging 5 to 9 time a night. Even when we were married, we had sex everyday. No longer the case.
now, knowing how fraustrated I am, she insists i go out and find a girl friend. She mentions it to me regularly. Honest, I thought about it but I couldn't because I still love my wife and wouldn't feel right.
Any advice?

FYI... for 7 years we've been married, I've never even thought about cheating on her.

I also was suspicious about her cheating on me but lets just say that it would be pretty hard for her or me to do that. We live in a pretty tight community and we work very close to eachother. We spend practically 90% of our time together.

Answer 1

I know your wife is flinging those inquiries to get you off her case about the SEX thing. But I guarantee that she really would be upset if you actually had one. Me being a woman myself, I know how I would feel if my hubby had someone else. Maybe there is a medical problem that your wife has, that needs to be evaluated by a doctor that is causing her to have less drive. Me and my hubby has four kids 2 one year apart and a set of twins and that has not stopped anything for us. I work full time and tend to the kids. We both share responsibilities of cooking and dealing with the children so we both won't be worn out at the end of the day. Sit down and talk to her maybe there is some options you guys aren't looking at. And the doctor may have some suggestions for stimulating her sex drive. Good luck.

Answer 2

I would be weary of this. For starters, eventhough she told you to do it she could go back and use it against you if she ever chose to leave you. Ya know? It sounds like to me that you would rather work on the issues with your marriage rather than find sex elsewhere. I can't comprehend how a wife who loves her husband would ask him to do such a thing. My gosh, the thought of my husband even wanting to touch another woman breaks my heart into. She needs to work on her issues. If you guys are financially stable enough to get counseling then I suggest you do so. There are different types you guys may benefit from. Marriage counseling, sex therapy.......Just give that a thought. I, personally, have done the marriage counseling thing and I am not sure if it helped us or not. We are still together and happy, so maybe it did. Anyway, have you tried being romantic? I hate to put it all on you, but it doesn't sound like your wife is going to initiate anything sexually so you are going to have to. Set the mood. Light some candles. Make it about LOVE and not sex. Hold her and cuddle her. Try this a few times WITHOUT actually going to the act of sex. Make her feel loved, wanted and desired. If you just hold her and then not take it any further then it will make her think about things and maybe actually WANT to feel even closer to you and make love. Women can go through this after having a child. Hormones are out of whack and we may not feel as sexy as we did before we became MOMS. I, too, went through this. I went to the doc and discussed this. I also had depression that I simply could not snap out of. I started taking an antidepressant to regulate the chemical inbalanace and it saved my life, my sanity and my marriage. If she seems depressed then suggest she go to the dr. Be very careful how you approach her about this,as it could offend her. If you guys have a close emotional relationship then maybe she will realize that you have her best interest at heart. If she gets her emotions straightened out(if she IS depressed) then the sexual issues may work themselves out as well. Anyway, do not get a gf/mistress. It sounds like you really love and want your wife and you would probably beat yourself up and feel guilty if you strayed, even with her permission. Ya know? Don't make her feel pressured. Obviously this is a huge issue for you guys since she has been telling you to gewt a mistress. Back off from talking about it for a while and let the tension kinda die down. Don't have an affair, though!!!! A few moments of sexual pleasure is not worth a lifetime of guilt and a broken home for your child. Good luck. I hope things get better.

Answer 3

I think this does mean one of two things... one, she is cheating or wants to for some reason or two, she has a medical problem with low hormone level that can easily be fixed through her doctor. If you are painting an accurate picture of the relationship I would lean toward the second conclusion. I went through a period similar to this & found out that my thyroid had bottomed out. I was tired all the time, felt achy all over, and the thought of sex made me yawn. My husband was so confused, because we had a very active sex life prior to this period. Blood results found the problem, they prescribed me a thyroid hormone replacement I take in the mornings, and now my libido has returned along with my energy. Luckily, he didn't listen to me when I told him to find a girlfriend either. Sometimes wives feel like we are neglecting our husbands, but just can't muster the energy to "put out". Encourage her to get a physical and have her bloodwork done... you would be surprised what a little chemical imbalance can mess up.

Hold off on the personal ads though until you see if this is just a phase. :)

Answer 4

I would have to say, That even though she has had the child 5 years ago, Your body just dies when you have a kid it takes a lot of you. Your sex drive may or may not die down as well. I would have to say I had her problem but I didn't stop having sex with my husband at all. Even if i wasn't in the "mood" when it was go time i would get into it. I don't think that it would be right for you to get a girlfriend because it will ruin your marriage. She needs to just get over it and once shes in the bedroom she will enjoy her sex life even if its once a day or 3-4 times a day. You just need to talk to her about this and no sex isn't everything but it sure does help. You could be angry or worried about something. Holy crap sex...what bill did i have to pay again.. ::yawn:: I'm tired...to be cont.

Answer 5

Well what I think you need to do is have a serious talk with her and tell her why you feel that you having a mistress is something that you don't want to do...Find out why she feels the way she does and then you let her know how you feel..Is there someone else, is it you, roles-her being the mother, wife, work, friend, daughter its so many things that can be draining her..on the other hand what about you did you change something about yourself or do you make her feel like she's worthy and not some object....If there isn't anyone she's with or does she even want to be with you..then try couple counseling, take it from there, pray things will become better...just simply ask her WHY THE SUDDEN CHANGE?

Answer 6

I was the same way after I had my daughter. I was overweight and felt unloved and utterly ichy! The problem was a hormone problem. My marraige was actually abusive so it ended anyway, but the hormone problem went on for years. I went to the doctor and he ran some tests, all came back negative. The problem persisted. My doctor even told me that I was psycosematic! I got a new doctor who ran a few more tests. Turned out that I had a severe hormone deficiency. My thyroid was not working and the hormone that it regulates was almost nonexistent in my body. It took two years for them to find the right amount of hormone for my body. It was worth it, though. I lost the weight, got my energy back and my body was feeling much better. I also have a very sexually happy boyfriend now. Ask her to go get checked by a doctor. Don't rule out postpartum depression either. DO NOT GET A GIRLFRIEND!! You will never forgive yourself and chances are she won't forgive you either.

Answer 7

Your wife my be having hormone problems, or maybe she is giving it away, just not to you! Ever consider she could be cheating? Just a thought. Either way, I'd say you have yourself a problem, and I'd suggest she see a doctor. There are several things that could be causing it. It could be she is feeling neglected in places other than the bed room. Seek medical help before you seek another woman. If she isn't willing to go try to find out what is wrong, then find someone else, but be careful, it may backfire.

Answer 8

Don't believe her if you took her up on her offer it will be the end of your marriage. She could just be in a rut and is bored with the way her life is going right now. I remember i was getting bored with my marriage because every single day was the same as the day before and it started getting to me.I thought to myself,sometimes i wish he was find a girlfriend. Well thinks started getting better for me and i fell in love with my husband again and the more i showed him the more he pushed me away. Then he cheated on me and that did so much damage to our married it's still not the same .We been married for over 28 years. Don't break her heart like that go tell her you love her and to get that stupid thought out of her heat.

Answer 9

Don't do it! You are married and you made vows to God. What you guys need to do is get some professional counseling or you two need to divorce. Sex is important in a marriage, and let me tell you, women can cheat and the man will never ever know, trust me, I know. You guys need serious help and if she was willing she would make a effort. She may be caught up in her household duties, or she may not be that into you, or she is getting it for somewhere else. Don't be so naive to think that she can't be cheating on you. Hire a detective or something and get some professional help please!

Answer 10

Burn Out. A mistress is not the answer. Maybe your wife is overworked at the office and at home. Have you tried helping her with the chores? Continue to be patient with her, one night of adultress pleasure will only lead to destruction. Maybe you can give her a spa day gift. A masseuse is always a PLUS. You are a good husband to feel the way that you do, stay true. She will come around don't give up.