I do not believe in divorce, but I just am so close to ending our 3 yr old marriage. My hubby is always preoccupied with something else. I go to outings by my self because he does not want to go. He doesn't like to talk over our issues. He has a child from a previous marriage and when he comes over he ignores me more. he doesn't include me in some matters...I just want out but I do not want to be selfish because we have a 2 yr old son. I am energetic. I work out 4 times a week and I have a lot of energy and he does too but he uses it on other things( I guess)!!! Should I work at it??
2007-11-02 13:10:10 · 18 answers · asked by metalwife 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why would you want to give up after just three years, thats not long enough you need to give it more time.
2007-11-02 13:28:11 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only true grounds for divorce are abuse, abandonment, and infidelity. It doesn't sound like your situation qualifies.
So if you really don't believe in divorce, you need to work on your relationship & try to save the marriage.
All those separate interests are not good for you--you need to find something you like doing together. If it takes therapy or a couples retreat or whatever--find a way to reconnect and recommite to making it work. The next time your step-son comes for a visit, try to have something planned that the whole family would enjoy doing together. Ask your husband ahead of time to help you come up with something that he thinks they would both like.
If you are going on outings by yourself and working out all the time and neglecting things that your husband sees as priorities, that could be part of the problem. Put your energetic self to work on preserving your marriage and making the most of it.
What attracted you to him in the first place? What do you think attracted him to you? Hopefully, you saw more in each other than just sex--see what you can do to remember and re-focus on those qualities that brought you together.
Don't give up. Divorce won't solve all your problems--if money is tight now, that will make it worse, and you will have custody issues with your son (plus confusion and trauma to both boys). Do your best to make it work!
2007-11-02 20:20:47 · answer #2 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, honey, you shouldn't work at it. . . you both need to work at it. Once the kids are down for bed, sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell him how things are, tell them how it makes you feel and tell him that they have to change. Be honest. Tell him how miserable you feel when his son comes over and he doesn't include you in things. Or how you feel when he spends all his time and energy on things that have nothing to do with you. Tell him that this is not the type of marriage you want and you want things to be better, but if he's not committed, you need to walk away before things get ugly.
Most guys take alot of these things for granted honey. They think, that once we have them, got the ring and the "I do", that we are suppose to be content. But life's not like that. Marriage takes work, and it could be great if you both work together, or you could end up angry and bitter if you put all this time and effort into it while he continues on the way he is.
We all have choices in life hon, and granted, most of them are no brainers, there are some that come along that are life altering and difficult to make. No matter what you choose to do, you need to be honest with yourself first in the way of what you really want out of life, what you expect from a marriage, and then ask yourself if your husband is capable of giving that to you.
2007-11-02 21:20:13 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that your in the place, but you did say until death do we part. And your not dead yet. So....I would turn off the tv, sit him down and demand his attention!! Tell him how you are feeling. It takes two to make it and two to break it. As for the times your step child is there. Make it a point to take a very active interest with he/she. Being a step parent is very difficult sometimes, but you don't want your husband to feel the tention between the two of you, and mistake it for jealousy over the child. Hope things work out. Try harder, and insist he try too!!
2007-11-02 20:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by 2sweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with wanting out, but you should give it a fair chance first. There are a lot of men out there who do not want to go out, but he should be finding time to spend with you too. I think the most important thing is to try to get him to see a marriage counselor before it is too late. If he is not willing to do this, I hate to say it but your two year old will not remember life with Daddy in time, and he will be much happier with you in a happy state of mind living a good life. You deserve this.
2007-11-02 20:33:30 · answer #5 · answered by Kimmi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll work at it because you're asking whether or not you should. This means that you love the man but are feeling neglected in the marriage. In one way or another, you will demonstrate this to him. Unfortunately, this may require you to do things that are questionable. That's alright, honey. Questionable practices, when used correctly and not excessively, can be very effective reality checks.
Good luck.
2007-11-02 20:35:46 · answer #6 · answered by Grace777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not treating you like you deserve, you are not being selfish. Sometimes things just don't work out and it's okay. But you need to do everything that you can to make the relationship work, go to counseling, if he is not interested, get you child and get out ASAP!
2007-11-02 20:49:03 · answer #7 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you should to work at it--you have a son together. You married him KNOWING that he was high energy like you.
Try this: this weekend, schedule a time to sit down and talk. If he doesn't talk, ask him to talk. Ask him to communicate. If you are THIS close to ending your marriage, then you need to get help from a counselor.
2007-11-02 20:14:01 · answer #8 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try going to a marriage therapist i would suggest that because you have son after all and i grew up without my dad it was very sad sometime and i hate see a child going through that
i believe that to raise a child both parent have to be present in the house hold
just try harder
2007-11-02 20:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by theshyone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and bail. You have put your time in. 3 years. Wow, I have socks that lasted longer.
Quit with the excuses, you have been running away for a long time. Follow suit. You'll never have kids that's for sure.
2007-11-02 20:52:41 · answer #10 · answered by Arvind N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While you should always do what you can to try to make things work in a marriage (unless it's abusive) before walking away from it, you also shouldn't let your "beliefs" tie you to a situation that is obviously making you miserable.
2007-11-02 20:15:02 · answer #11 · answered by Eric 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋