Is it okay to do this?

Question

Each of my kids have their own computers and I had them sign a statement each saying that if they visited any explicit sites or chatted with anyone other than their friends on their contact lists then they forfeit their computers. Here is my question. Is it right of me to view their windows history and cookies to see which sites they visit? I don't read their emails in detail, but skim them to check for offensive material. I do this with their chat conversations as well. I skimmed my daughters and seen that she has been talking sexually to a way older man online. This stuff that they talk about is graphic to the core. I printed off a copy of this and put it in the filing cabinet. Is it right that I send this information to the police and take her computer away?
I was also thinking about continuing the conversation with myself posing as my kid and calling the police to set up a sting or something. What can I do to keep this monster from praying on other little kids?

The police said there is nothing they can do unless he tries to make contact.

they are 10 and 11

Answer 1

You did the right thing.
If you children aren't responsible enough to be online safely they should not have a computer.Can you just disconnect the internet from their computers so they can use the it for school work only.

Answer 2

"I was also thinking about continuing the conversation with myself posing as my kid and calling the police to set up a sting or something." This is wrong. You can't do that. But also, since you've already spied on them--which is also wrong--now you have evidence that there's some pervert out there trying to get people. The police is right, though. You have no choice but to let this go, unless the guy makes action. I think you should have a little chat with your daughter. She's not supposed to be doing this.. and even though you invaded her privacy, she can't make that her excuse not to talk to you because you should immediately set up some parental controls and she needs to confess and never talk to strangers like that again. Think what'll happen if she sends pictures of herself, or any personal information. People are smart these days. They can get you from anywhere around the world, without ever having to have seen you. So watch out, and make sure you talk to her about this. ASAP. For your own daughter's safety. You need to set up these controls... not just tell them to sign something while they're free to view explicit material and talk to these people. They have no excuse for that. They have a choice whether or not they wanna talk to them, and the way they choose to "talk" is also their own responsibility. Change their ways now, or forever live with a huge burden upon your chest, risking your children's lives and their morality every day that passes. Good luck, and God bless.

P.S. Your kids won't ever hate you. They may say they do, but they won't. They'll get over things quickly. If not, then I guess they're not worthy of your care and days upon days of hard work to get them to this position today.

Answer 3

You gotta be careful yourself!! If you get in contact with this guy, and something bad happens, you gotta have a way out.
Okay, kids today are interested in that sort of thing, and they use the Internet as a tool to help them understand it, so I think you should explain the severity of this sorta thing to them, rather than take away their computer forever. I do think, however, that it's a good idea to read chat logs, or check cookies and history as a parent, to make sure that your child is safe. But you should also make sure not to clear the history, because if they learn how to clear the history, you might never know what sites they visited. Be careful.

Answer 4

ABSOLUTELY check your kid's Windows history and cookies. It's called parenting. Can't you put controls on their access? ABSOLUTELY take your daughter's computer away, otherwise the kids will know you aren't serious and will run rampant. You don't need to be their friends. You need to get them through this phase of their life as unscathed as possible. You'll get a lot of kids on this forum telling you to let your kids find their own way at 15 (or earlier). Sure, fifteen year olds have ALL the answers. Just ask one. Monitor your kids until they are at least 18...no, 21...no, 30!

My son made the usual "errors in judgement" in his teenage years and got into moderately serious trouble by 21 in spite of my best efforts (think orange jumpsuit). He could have easily turned to the dark side, but I kept after him and he came around and is a smart, intuitive, productive young man that I am proud of.

Ask the police what if anything you can do to nail the pig who has entered your daughter's life.

Answer 5

yes by all means you SHOULD check up on your children. While my daughter is quite a bit older than yours appear to be I check up on her still. I have a program that emails me reports of which web sites she visits everyday. And I check them out. There are also programs that record EVERY key typed on the computer which I also use and I gain access to her pass codes that way. I make no excuses to her for my behavior after all the computer belongs to me until she turns 18 and moves and her safety is my RESPONSIBILITY. There are things you can do about the man in question. You can contact your local child abuse hot line and they WILL investigate. The more information you can get on him the better. I wouldn't suggest posing as your child and trying to chat with him as it will be hard to have the same lingo and maturity level and if he is smart he will notice the difference. I would suggest talking with you daughter about it and sitting with her together chatting with him and have her coax the info you so need from him. I would stress to her that is the ONLY way to keep her computer and to be honest with her that you WILL have programs on the computer so she should only say things she would normally say in front of you. My daughter learned this lesson the hard way. I do hope things work out for you. Just stay on top of it mom and one day you will see the dividends you will so deserve :)

Answer 6

I would say that it is not right, but no a days you never know. When I was younger I chatted with older guys to. My parents found out that I was talking to him because he found out our address and sent me a sick letter! They took my computer, phone, stereo, and tv away for a month!!! I learned my lesson quick. When my son is old enough to be in chat rooms I will definately monitor them. Try to get her to do other things instead of being on the computer. Or have her be on one in front of you or in the same room so you can make sure she is not places she shouldn't. Just be careful and I would also have a conversation with the guy to see what he is about. Good luck.

Answer 7

I think you have a responsibility to keep an eye on your kids on the computer, but you should also be honest with them and inform them that you will be doing so. You could try to find an organization like the one they feature on dateline to turn the guy into, but I would not set up a sting. You never know if it is a dangerous person on the other end.

Answer 8

CONTACT POLICE he could have contact with lots of girls who are not lucky enough to have a mum who's aware of the modern day predators of children YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING as for the sting let the police organize that as it would be seen as entrapment i think,when my son is older i will be doing exactly the same thing and i think more parents need to do this , you have done the right thing your daughter nearly put herself in serious danger , it your job to protect her if you hadn't of checked her computer something ALOT WORSE couldve happened let her know Internet is a privilege not a necessity i hope you all stay safe and don't worry you have done the right thing xxx

Answer 9

No, thats not wrong at all, you're doing what you should be doing, being a responsible parent. I'm not really sure how to go about catching the guy, but I like your idea of continuing the conversation as if you were the child and trying to set up a sting operation

Answer 10

My God, of course it's ok if you view their internet history. These are technically your computers, so the kids should abide to your rules. And if your daughter is talking in sexually explicit conversations with a stranger, I would definitely take her computer privileges away for a while..there are too many sick pervs out there.

Answer 11

I think you are on the right track. Keep monitoring your children. Don't worry about spying, she is a minor and should not have the rights of an adult. Parents always want to be friends with their children and children want boundaries and protection (they just do not know it yet). As a parent, you must talk to your daughter, no yelling , she will not listen to you if you yell. Remain calm and tell her the dangers of talking sexual via cyberspace. Most people in cyberspace is not who the say they are. Use her for example, I am sure she is not telling this guy her true age, we know he certainly isn't. Find materials that substantiate what you are telling her, such as the dangers of talking to strangers in cyberspace. No one is safe.